Page 55 of Rock and a Hard Place

“Yes, you most certainly are. How could you even say that? Has she ever once done anything that might make you think she was in it for money? I told you to wait. I was listening in on their conversation.”

And indeed Eamon had had his ear, morphed into the shape of a large funnel, pressed to the door when I’d arrived on the scene.

I shook my head. “I don’t know what came over me. I heard them laughing through the door, and my brain just got—”

“You got angry is what you got. That’s some serious red flag shit right there.” Eamon shook his head as if disappointed in me.

He was right. I had no reason to accuse her of abandoning me for a higher bidder. I’d jumped to conclusions, and in doing so I’d hurt her. And all because I hadn’t ever dealt with my deep-seated feelings of not being good enough for anyone to consider as a long-term option until I finally had a bit of money. But that wasn’t her fault. That was all on me.

“What the hell were you thinking anyway? I can’t believe you’d think she’d jump ship for some cold, hard cash.”

“I… I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh yeah? Then how the fuckdidyou mean it?”

“I thought if she gave me a number, I’d double it to make her stay.” Even as I said it I realized it was a dumb idea, but the desperate feeling I’d gotten when I thought she’d been tempted away from me had done all the thinking.

Eamon looked at me like I’d grown another head. “Oh, sure, like that’s any better. That would still mean you think she’d choose whoever pays her more. Look, I know some women are like that, and there’s nothing wrong with women like that as long as they are being honest and upfront about it. But it’s pretty clear to me Lillian is not like that, and would be upset to think you thought she was.”

He was right. But in the heat of the moment, I’d turned into an idiot caveman trying to trade anything I had,everythingI had, for a woman’s love. The only thing going through my head at the time was that I’d die if I lost her.

Eamon’s phone rang, and when he picked it up I could hear Tansy’s voice on the other end.

“She’s pissed. And I don’t blame her. Gunnar should probably give her a few hours, maybe even a day or two, to calm down before talking to her.”

Eamon turned his attention to me. “You heard the lady, Gunnar. Give her some time.”

Tansy’s voice came out a little louder, like she was raising her voice to talk to me directly. “Make her cry again, and I’ll turn you into a frog.”

That wasn’t much of a threat. Lillian loved frogs. But I didn’t say anything. The important thing was that Lillian was crying because of me. I hated that.

“Anyway,” Tansy continued, “I’ll go talk to her. Gah! You men can be so dense sometimes.” Then she hung up, muttering something about me being a dumbass.

I deserved that. I’d reacted without thinking. At. All.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Eamon looked around the trashed room. “On second thought, let’s go down to the front desk and see what we can do about taking care of the damage.”

It turned out, however, that a certain Mr. Pao had already spoken to the front desk and offered to cover the costs to fully redo the room.

When we got back to the penthouse, I didn’t head upstairs; I went to Baby instead. I needed to drive. Needed to let the wind clear my mind.

I hadn’t planned to go there, but found myself back at my cottage. It must have been subconscious muscle memory. I always came here when life got tough or I needed somewhere to think. But this time, instead of a neutral place where I could be alone with my thoughts, it was filled with memories of Lillian.

I couldn’t stay inside.

I stepped back out and closed the door, looking around the property. It really was a mess. Maybe getting some work done out here would take my mind off things. Many common and invasive weeds had snuck in here and there in the wildflower front yard. The ones with the spikey leaves were easy to recognize, but the others were tougher. The leaves all looked the same to me, and it was hard for me to tell one species apart from another when they weren’t in bloom.

Lillian wouldn’t have any trouble with that, I thought glumly. She’d know what was what.

I shook my head, focusing on the task ahead. The worst thing I could do now would be to rush back to the penthouse to be around Lillian. I wanted to apologize, to make things right. But she needed some time, so that’s what I’d give her…even if I had to overhaul the entire yard just to stay occupied.

There was also the footpath to the house to take care of, now that I’d pushed back all the plants growing over it and could see it properly. The path needed to be wider to accommodate the wild growth patterns of some of the plants. I considered. I could head over to that large boulder by the west side of the lake. Flat pieces chipped off it every year and were perfect for pathways—after a quick tumble, of course, to get rid of any sharp edges. I wouldn’t want Lillian to cut herself.

Then there was the greenhouse. But one look at that and all I could see was Lillian working in it, the place brimming with her plants. And that only brought back her last words to me:Forget about trying to make this work after. We’re done!That was just said in anger, right? Like how I’d said some beyond stupid things in the heat of the moment? What if she actually meant it?

Realizing I’d never be able to distract myself enough to stop thinking of her entirely, I decided to give up on the idea. I’d just have to work with her in my head.

Maybe if I made this place perfect for her, she’d stick around and give me another chance.

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