Page 48 of I Promise You
I won’t entertain Kane.
He left my party early with Meredith, hand in hand, lust glowing in their eyes. She kissed his neck as they left my front porch. It doesn’t take a scientist to know what they must be up to tonight…so why is he texting me?
I push out thoughts of Kane and keep walking in the dark, my feet thudding against the floor softly. Each step I take has me puzzled. I’m about to open the door to my bedroom but decide against it. I palm my wooden door like I’m about to push it forward, but I can’t go through with it. I don’t want to go to sleep just yet. I don’t want to cry myself to sleep like I usually do every night, fearing that Nora will be outside my window twirling a knife like a game. I don’t want to drift to sleep, terrified I’ll be dreaming of my brother’s guitar.
I used to enjoy hearing that song; it used to be good nostalgia for our childhood memories, but now it’s an ominous sound that has me quivering with trepidation.
I don’t want to see my brother anymore, at least not right now. If I hear his guitar, it only means Death is nearby, and that’s…that’s terrifying.
I head toward my office room instead.
Since Danny refuses to let me out of his sight, I turned an extra room into a place of work for us.
I walk into the room, and instead of turning on the room lights, I reach for the lamp in the corner of the wooden table.
I turn the little black dial until it clicks twice, soft yellow light illuminating the room, revealing a cozy space.
It’s small but welcoming.
I have my diplomas from high school and college and my RN certification perfectly framed, exhibiting my accomplishments on one side of a wall.
Danny made a shadow box of our son’s beanie, a picture of his little feet blackened prints, and a ‘Future Navy SEAL’ onesieinside. It hangs on another side of a wall, displayed perfectly in the middle. It’s the first thing I see against the light blue colored walls, and it makes me happy. Danny is good at those things. He’s exceptional at building things, doing handy work around the house, and always taking out the trash for me.
He said he didn’t want to be a father but he had bought him a crib, clothes, and a guitar so he could follow in Paul’s footsteps. Even then, he knew it would be a boy. After I told him we were pregnant, he did all that the morning after.
Now, all of it sits inside storage.
I stare at the shadow box. I feel like I’m watching what should have been my future hang on the wall instead of living it. It does something to me. I’m in a trance, my thoughts running wild and I feel something twitch inside me.
It’s an ugly, sickening, unfamiliar darkness I don’t recognize. I’ve never felt it before.
Instead of feeling sad…I’m angry. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I refuse to let Shane win.
My fists clench at my sides, and everything stings. I’m going through the stages of grief all over again.
“Ari.”
Danny’s shielding voice interrupts my lucid thoughts, but not enough to make me move my eyes.
“Yes?”
“Everything okay?”
I glare at the wall, tearing my gaze away from the frame, refusing to answer his question.
I look down at the floor, my eyes pacing nervously against the hardwood floors.
“Look at me,” he demands, and I take a few seconds before I give in to him.
I turn around and a tear escapes me. It rolls down my cheek, fast moving against my lips.
“I need to forget,” I concede with a harsh tone that breaks at the end. I swallow the growing edge in my throat, looking at the man I love deeply towering over me.
“Forget?” His jaw clenches as he lifts his hand, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ears, but he doesn’t stop there. He caresses one side of my face with his palm, his thumb brushing against my cheek soothingly.
I close my eyes, relishing every second he touches me before he pulls away like he has been since the attack. He refuses to touch me these days,really touch me…and I resent it.
“I need to forget the bad. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to remember anything,” I breathe painfully. “Danny…it’s still my birthday,” I whisper as another tear falls down my cheek, through closed eyelids, and I tighten them harder until I’ve given it all my strength and it burns.
