Page 47 of I Promise You
“Thanks, Mom.”
My mom helped me clean up the house after almost everyone was gone.
Danny still chats with Lopez and Zeke on the front porch. They both begged him to keep drinking longer, but he refused. He hasn’t gotten drunk since that one night when he confessed everything to me and I’m so proud of him.
I know he has a long way to go, but it’s a start.
“It’s because of Danny, isn’t it? He hasn’t left your side through it all, has he?” she asks, holding my hands in hers.
I watch my possessive Navy SEAL give Lopez a brotherly hug. I wonder what they’re talking about. I study Lopez’s mouth, trying to read his lips and decipher his words.
I’m cleaning up leftover dishes in the kitchen. I’m incredibly exhausted, but it was so worth it.
Finally, I’m able to make out some words along the lines of,“I look up to you, man.”
I break away from eavesdropping. I shouldn’t pry, but I admire how much everyone looks for guidance through Danny.
Lopez is the youngest one at around twenty-five.
“Ma…” I still get uncomfortable talking about my life with my boyfriend or anything regarding our relationship.
I hug my mother goodnight.
She leaves my house and bids Danny, Lopez and Zeke farewell before walking to her car.
I’m yawning through every motion as I clean the leftover dishes. Tonight was so much fun. I reunited with all my friends and family…all because of Danny.
For the first time in a long time, I’ve forgotten about the trauma I’ve been through this entire year, and I can’t thank him enough.
From losing Paul, going to Iraq as a civilian contracted nurse, to falling for my brother’s best friend, to getting pregnant and losing our baby so violently in one fucking year…
Tonight was a breath of fresh air and it felt good to forget I was broken, even if it was for only a few hours.
I finish with the last dish and glance over to the front of my house, looking through my windows.
Zeke has left with Violet, leaving only Lopez and Danny, and they’re smoking, sitting on the chairs on the front porch, deep in a conversation.
I don’t want to bother him. I want him to enjoy his time with his friends as well. I feel like today was much needed for the both of us.
I take a deep breath and shut the faucet off, drying my hands with a kitchen towel. I’m tired, my muscles ache, my mind running miles per hour with uncertainty and I can’t shake that something is missing…
Will I ever be whole again?
I shut the kitchen lights off and walk into the dark hallway. I don’t even make it to the first door when my phone buzzes against my thigh from inside my pocket.
I think Meredith forgot something. She always does, but I remember doing a quick sweep after everyone left and didn’t see anything.
My fingers search for my phone in my pocket, my fingers gripping it when I touch the cold plastic phone cover in the dark. I take it out,not expectingto see the name reflect on my screen saver.
Kane: Happy birthday to my favorite nurse. Good night, Ari Alvarez.
I re-read the text repeatedly at least five times.
I blush red, my fingers flick with hot nerves but I don’t respond. He didn’t speak one word to me tonight but he decided a text is more fitting? What does he expect me to say?
Knowing there are feelings behind his words…it isn’t right.
I turn my phone off and touch my lips like a gasp will escape my throat. My fingertips console the bewilderment I feel on top of my lips.
