Page 69 of The Burnt Heart

Ray might crave power, but he didn’t want it so badly to have a child with me. Why was Harold so eager that the only solution he had was to knock me up? He wanted me and, by extension, the Orazio family tied to him irrevocably.

Why go through all this? Just to get me married and pregnant? I had toiled my whole life to be accepted in a world which wanted me reduced to a womb.

My stomach roiled again, and I gripped the side of the metal until the cold cut into my hands. My eyes watered as I coughed, but there was nothing else for my stomach to propel. I’d skipped breakfast, not able to think about food. Bitter sharp nausea washed over me. Until arms banded around me, strong and warm. Chasing the shadows cobwebbing my mind.

“Siren?” Logan said with alarm, the back of his hand covering my forehead.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse swore, crouching down to search my face. I managed a lukewarm smile, wiping the back of my hand over my mouth. A featherlight touch danced down my arm. Briar was holding a paper bag, frowning.

“Close the door.” I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. Logan tucked his arm under my armpits and hoisted me over to the plush couch in the corner of my office. Jesse slammed the door shut, hurrying back to me.

“Some water?” Logan offered me a glass, tipping the cool edge to my lips as the length of his legs pressed against mine. The churning emotions stubbornly resisted my efforts to contain them. I had to be logical. But all I could think about were the scars on my stomach. Logan cast me frequent looks, but he didn’t press. Their silent support made me wilt.

“We brought sushi. Thought you’d be hungry and figured you wouldn’t have gotten lunch.”

My stomach grumbled, and Logan gave me a wry smile, getting up to bring over the small bag. I motioned at the desk. Jesse poured out the soy sauce in a separate container, the way I liked it. My eyes pricked with tears. These simple moments felt like paper cuts. Shallow on the surface, but searing pain. It hurt being around them, knowing they wanted what we had. They knew me better than anyone. But not all my secrets. Briar brushed a curl off his forehead with barely hidden agitation. I thought of his confession. How the words had trembled on his lips. Still, they’d fallen, and it had healed a part of me. I understood so much better where his blinkered opinion of Nicole came from.

“Are you unwell?” Logan tilted his head. I patted the lounge, encouraging them to sit. We used to sprawl over this couch, with me nestled in one of their laps. There wasn’t room or forgiveness enough for that. Briar and Logan dragged over chairs, and Jesse stole the seat next to me with a wink.

“I was speaking to my father. He wants me back with Ray so we can have a baby. Apparently, that will solve all Greenich Bay’s turf wars.” I snorted.

“You told him?” Briar led, quickly putting two and two together. I closed my eyes to another crippling wave of nausea. I pressed against my stomach. The scars there were only the beginning. My lungs burned as I denied them oxygen. My father had never known the full extent of my injuries, nor that they were by the hand of his wife, my mom.

“He didn’t take it well?” Logan pressed. I shook my head, attempting a laugh but let it gutter out. This was harder than I thought to admit. Now my father knew, partially, I wondered if he was thinking about my mom. If he now regretted her even more.

“I told you I couldn’t have children. But I never told you why. There was a close call when I was about fifteen. Someone slipped past our guards and almost attacked us. My father put a gun in my mom’s hand afterwards. She might have been innocent before she met him, but he was determined to turn her into something she wasn’t. She tried so hard to learn how to protect herself, and me if needed. One day she was struggling to practice, and I took the gun from her. Perfect bullseye, three of them. I think that was the day she realized. I wasn’t ever going to be like her. So, she...”

Jesse’s hand landed over mine, where my fingers flexed. Our relationship had changed from that day on. Her smile dimmed, turned into something brittle. We avoided each other, both of us understanding we had little in common. Until she tried to ruin me.

“Take your time,” he murmured.

“When I was sixteen it happened again, we were alone and there was so much blood. Everyone always assumed we were attacked. But that isn’t the truth.” I let out a strangled laugh sob that sounded more like drowning. “Mom snuck into my room at five am and dragged me out of bed. She wanted to go to the beach. I didn’t want to go, insisted we needed guards, but she was smiling. For the first time since I could remember, she was giddy. We shared a picnic, tucked in the dunes. It felt special. She’d been so withdrawn, and now she was like her old self. But it wasn’t real, her mind had broken.”

I lifted my shirt and ran my hands over the scars on my stomach. They waited for me to continue.

“She was smiling when she stabbed me. Mom kept repeating that it was the only way to stop me from bringing more evil into the world. She almost killed me. My own mom took away my ability to have children. Before I passed out, her laughter rang in my ears. Like she was free.”

Jesse’s arms wrapped around me, and he hoisted me onto his lap. I protested, a feeble attempt he brushed away with the click of his tongue. Jesse pressed his forehead to mine, breath fluttering over my lips. My fingers clutched at his shirt, pulling him closer. His warmth was a reminder. They were still here.

They weren’t her.

“Adelaide.” Briar whistled low and agonized. The pity made me haul Jesse closer. I didn’t want it. Her weakness wasn’t mine. But I’d taken it on unconsciously.

“My father fell in love with someone soft and innocent. He made her a part of this world, forced her. But mom couldn’t handle it, the pressure, the danger. She took her gun, the one father bought her, and she put it to her temple. I was unconscious in the sand, she probably thought we were going to die together. Her first bullseye.” My throat was raw as I scraped the long-held secrets up its tender opening. “I lied in the hospital. Said we were attacked, and someone had killed my mom. I told no one the truth, especially my father. What did it change? I wanted him to mourn without knowing what she’d done. My father always assumed I healed with no complications, and I never planned on having children. But I let it affect me. I always kept you away, as best I could. You know who I am, what I’m capable of, but I never wanted that for you.”

A shadow passed over Jesse’s face as he reached out and thumbed my lower lip.

“You don’t need to hide from us, Adelaide.”

I tossed my head, tendons tight in my neck. They didn’t understand.

“You say you want what we had back, to be mine again. That you love me. But I can’t go back to the way we were. I don’t want lies or barriers to keep us apart. If you want me, take the bad as well. Could you be happy being a target? Learning to defend yourself? I drove a wedge between us, wanting to keepyou separate and safe. In case you couldn’t handle it. But I can’t do it anymore.”

Jesse jostled me, so I was straddling him. His light brown eyes were determined.

“I’m not your mom, none of us are.” He waved a hand to the others. “What she did to you is abhorrent, and I wish I could wipe away all the pain and betrayal it made you feel. But Adelaide, if you’re trying to scare us off, it won’t work. I already put my life on the line for you. Remember all the brownie points it got me?” His cheeky grin flared and faded as he continued. “All I want is to fix us. I want you in my arms again. It’s too late to want to keep us separate, we already decided to learn how to defend ourselves.”

His words wrapped around me, and Jesse tensed, like he expected me to fight. But I sagged with relief. I tossed a look over my shoulder, seeing Logan and Briar nod as well.

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