Page 92 of Touch Me

“Well, sometimes she needs, you know when she has trouble getting clothes on or off, or food on her face, or something, I didn’t think you could, you know, or would even want to—”

“Max. It’s fine.” I end his misery at trying to spare my feelings. “You’re right. It would’ve been difficult.”

The weight of words left unspoken hangs heavy in the air.

“Anyway, what’s up?” he says, trying to fill the awkward silence.

“I don’t even know where to start.” I take a drink and swirl my feet in the water, seeking its usual comfort.

“You like her?” he asks without looking at me, knowing having this personal conversation alone is enough to cause me anxiety. “Cassie?”

I nod. “Yeah,” I say, realizing he can’t see me.

“Does she like you?”

“Well if last night is any indication, I would have to say yes.”

He whips his head toward me, and I meet his eyes.

“Holy shit.” The shock is evident on his face. “Really?”

“Well, not all the way. But, stuff...” I don’t know how else to describe it.

“Butt stuff?” he asks. “Wow. You’re really jumping right in.”

“No, not butt stuff,” I use air quotes, “just... stuff.”

“And you’re okay?" He struggles to find the response. “With doing... stuff?”

“Well, not at first. We had some hiccups along the way, but ultimately got the job done.”

I’m so unbelievably uncomfortable right now. My heart’s racing, my stomach is in my throat, and my hands are flexing around the bottle I'm holding.

“Jace, that’s great.” He moves to slap me on the back, and when I flinch, he corrects himself. He doesn’t apologize, knowing from experience I would rather avoid it than acknowledge it. He’s my one true friend—the first to know I had something serious going on before I even told him. “She knows? About everything?”

“Yeah. We had a few incidents, and I had to tell her so she wouldn’t think I was a loon.”

“You’re not a loon. And if she knows everything and was still a willing participant, maybe she’s the real deal.”

“But what if I can’t be a boyfriend? What if she realizes I’m too much work?”

“First of all, you’re not too much work. And don't say that like you already believe it. You just need to find someone who thinks you’re worth the work.”

“This is starting to sound like a Hallmark movie.”

“I would ask you how you know that, but I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s because you have a woman in your house.”

“I appreciate that,” I puff out my chest and slam my beer, ending with a grunt.

“Very manly.” Max laughs and we clink bottles. “Nice recovery.”

“Thanks.” I stand and walk to the trash to throw away my bottle. “But seriously, I don’t want to screw this up. It’s not just that she knows and is still around, although half of me thinks that’s a good enough reason alone. I really like her. I think I always have.” I rub my hands down my face in frustration.

“The fact that I’ve never seen you even converse with a woman since, well, you know, in college, tells me all I need to know. I know you’re serious. Just take your time. Don’t rush any of the stuff.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate you taking the time to listen.”

I put my fist out to offer a gesture of my appreciation. He looks at it and waves me off, knowing I only offered out of obligation.

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