Page 118 of Touch Me

“And they’ve been told to keep it from you.” She pulls her hands up to her face, buried in her sleeves, and wipes her tears. “From us.”

“I'll just call her.” I fish my phone out of my pocket. “Right? I’ll call her and leave a message.”

“Good luck. It didn’t work on you for the last three days,” she deadpans.

THIRTY-FOUR

LESSON LEARNED

“I’ll letyou know if I hear from her. Thanks for calling.” Ally rounds the couch and crosses her arms. “How long are you going to keep this up?”

She plops down next to me and shows me her phone screen. It's riddled with missed calls and voicemails from Jess andher brother.That’s new. I wonder what changed today. Jess has been calling for days, but not him.

“I was thinking forever. You good with that? I mean, eventually I’ll get my own place. I won’t be on your couch until the end of time.”

She pulls her knees up and turns to face me, grabbing my hands. “You can stay here forever. I’ll even drive your car to work in case anyone finds my address somewhere and comes looking for you.” She smiles and smooths my hair. “I just meant how long are you going to ignore them?”

My phone buzzes in my bag, and I dig it out to see a call from Ashley. I don’t know why I haven’t turned it off. There are several missed texts and calls from Jess. I haven’t opened them, but some part of me wants to be notified that they are trying to reach me.

I’m so needy.

“Hello.”

“Hey, girl. I just wanted you to know a very sexy, very angry Jace came looking for you.” My stomach hits the floor, and I squeeze my eyes shut. “Maybe you should call him. He looked a mess.”

I told the girls as much as they needed to know when I showed up on Ashley’s doorstep after leaving Jess and Ella. Our first plan of action was getting Mark fired, which is proving difficult, considering his family ties in the company. The next step was foregoing our plan of an on-the-town celebration and instead taking too many tequila shots as I cried on her couch.

She probably knows more than I remember telling her, but that’s the last time I cried. I know I said I was done before, but tequila can do that to a normal person, so I don’t feel bad for being the sloppy blubbering mess they most likely witnessed.

“Cass?”

I sigh and pick at a loose string on the sweatpants I’m embarrassed to admit how long I’ve been wearing. “I’m here.”

“I’m not trying to stick up for the guy or anything, but he was a wreck.”

My eyes are burning with the threat of tears. I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly.

“Cassie, they had to escort him out.”

I lean forward and put my head between my knees and concentrate on my breathing as Ally moves closer and rubs soothing circles on my back. So he came all the way to my work to belittle me some more?

I sit back and brush my hair out of my face. “Thanks for calling, Ash. I’m gonna go.”

“Cassie, wait—”

Ending the call, I toss my phone next to me, stand, and pace a circle around the couch, wringing and twisting my hands. Ally watches silently, but her eyes are speaking loud and clear.

“Don’t,” I snap at her and turn to make another loop around the couch.

She holds her hands up. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Your face did.”

She crosses her arms and leans back on the couch. “Okay, what did my face say?”

I plop down next to her and bury my face in my hands. “I don’t know,” I muffle behind my hands, “something.”

“I was going to say it’s okay to not be okay. But you want to go all badass renegade and handle shit like it doesn’t hurt. And that’s fine, too. I’m here for you either way.” Ally strokes my hair and smooths it down my back. “But it’s totally normal to hurt. It’s normal to be pissed. You’re allowed to feel however you feel.” Pulling my hair back, she pins it behind my ear, leans in close and whispers, “It’s okay to fall apart. I’ve got you.”

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