Page 87 of Wasted Oil

"If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.” I mean it too. He’s not his father, I know that. He also doesn’t have his sister here to lean on. He nods at me then heads out.

I've made my way to the porch swing where I’ve spent most of my time rather than at the spot. Our spot.

Like I said, everything reminds me of her.

I place the bigger envelope to my side and stare at the small one. I keep running my thumb over my name feeling the ridges from the pen. Is this it? Is this the goodbye I never got?If I don’t read it, I for sure won’t be able to sleep.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"There’s no better time than the present,” I whisper to myself turning the envelope in my hands to open the seal.

Rhett,

I should be mad and angry with how everything happened, I fell. You broke down the walls that I built around my heart, all fell for you. But no matter how hard I try I can’t bring myself to be mad or angry, I can’t even hate you. From a young age, I had a fucked up idea of what love was. You showed me different, or I would like to think it was love. Because to me it was.

I was told by a very special person that all people fall in love three different times in their life.

Once, “The Fairytale”,

second, “The Lesson,”

and finally third.,“The Unexpected.”

Luckily for me, mine came in the form of a cowboy, one I wouldn’t trade for the world or even regret. And I don’t regret falling for you, not even a little. You showed me that even though I have scars, the visible and invisible ones, I was still worth loving. Even if it was all fake. I hurt you too, and for that, from the bottom of my heart I am truly and deeply sorry. No amount of words can describe how sorry, I am nor do I think it will fix anything. You were right that day at the funeral, we can’t go on like this. Too much hurt and distrust has been placed, and I’m partially to blame. But life's too short to live with regrets and confusion. Which is why I’m writing this letter to you in hope that it helps you with any lingering confusion.

I told you my tragic story, not because I wanted sympathy, but because I wanted to show you a part of me that very few know about because I felt safe with you and the only other time I ever feel safe like I do with you is when I’m up on the stage, though it doesn’t compare to the warmth of being wrapped up in you.

I wanted to show you a piece of my world that everyone thought was perfect because having the last name Alvarez mean't easy living. But it was just a last name that sadly I was born into. I hope that what is in this envelope will help you and your family finally grieve and heal and answer the question that you had been searching for. It's not much coming from me, but my brother and I thought you deserve to know. Don’t hate me Rhett, you can call me names, ignore me or both, but I ask of you, please don’t hate me. I don’t think my heart can take you hating me, because she never will and neither will I for as long as I can breathe.

Truth. I’m in love with you Rhett Anthony Parker. It’s okay if you don’t love me back. I'm used to not being loved. That's my flaw. I’m not a person someone falls for. You got your wish. You made it hurt and now you can say I know what you felt. This is my final goodbye to you. Texas is no longer my home, that chapter of my life is over and you were my perfect ending. I’ll never forget you and no one can replace you.

My best friend, My only love, My Cowboy.

-Boots

Happy New Years my loves. We are back and better than ever. Only this episode is going to be a little different. That being said if you don’t already know my BEST. FRIEND has gone viral.

GUYS!! I repeat my best friend is a superstar.

Best part I have her on live with us

RIGHT NOW

Melanie Alvarez, Hey Girl Hey!!

*Hit song plays faintly in background*

Hello Helloooo.

Holy Shit babes. You Did It. Bitch you’re famous.

I’m still in shock honestly. On cloud nine for sure.

Gahhh. I'm so proud of you girl. I'm sobeyond in love with your song Wasted Oil. Anyways, tell me. No, tell us, Like what was the inspiration cause I know you’ve always had material but hit that wall that seriously blocked you.How did it all come to?

God where do I start. Well… this summer I fell in love. But I lost that love because of selfishness….. and then ...I lost both my parents in a car accident. I had my week of feeling complete loss but I kept finding myself with my notebook writing what I’m feeling even if I wasn’t actually speaking to anyone. Everyone has a form of therapy right and for me it’s my journal. If someone random were to open it they would think I’m crazy with all the scribbles, Cross outs and sentences that mesh into something completely inhuman but that's organized chaos for ya.

Seriously guys she’s not wrong I’ve opened that thing and it’s like I’ve opened up the manual script for the matrix.

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