Page 74 of Wasted Oil

"Hey dad. I'm sorry It’s taken me so long to come here. It’s been hard. I miss you.So fucking much.”

The smell of fresh cut grass, humidity and a slight breeze fills my sense that rain is set to fall today.

I sit with my back on the side of my fathers marble gravestone, my knees bent and my fingers skimming the grass.

"I don’t know where to go from here, pops. I don’t know how many more hits I can take. Im so pissed. I know the farm is being sabotaged by Andres. I can feel it in my gut. I just don’t know how to get proof. Then there’s his daughter. The girl I fell completely in love with.” Grabbing a hand full of grass, I yank it from the soil and start picking at the shreds with my other hand tossing them like a countdown.

"She left me again. Didn’t say goodbye—again.” Breathing out, I toss the remaining pieces and lean my elbows on my knees bring my head to lay on my forearms.

"But, I don’t think I’m mad this time pops. Im more heart broken, mad at myself for not telling her sooner.”

Rain drops started to fall in a soft sprinkle then slowly increasing to a full down poor.

Lifting my head to rest my chin on my arm, the rain is falling completely drenching my hair. Water streaming down my face and drops falling off the tip of my nose.

"I wish you were here. I don’t know how mom is doing it but I can see the days when she can’t and I try to do my best to be there but it’s not the same.” The rain hitting my lips taste of salt. My tears are mixing with the storm above. I go to sit up where I'm on one knee resting an arm on the marble like it’s the form of my father.

“I’m not giving up on you pops. I’ll bring justice to what happened. I love you.” I give the stone a light tap then stand tall, stuffing my hands in my front pockets and turn towards my truck. It only takes minutes for me to pull up to the house since dad’s resting place is here on the farm.

I park my truck with the house in my front and the barn to my left. Flashes of last night blur my vision. As much as I want to relive and hold on to that moment, I shake it away and climb out.

I'm ruined.

She’s ruined me from now til my last breath.

The wooden steps up to my front porch creak with each step. I turn as I get under the protection of the porch and head to sit on the swing that overlooks all the fields, the barn and garden. I hear the screen door open and close with a loud smack.

“Thought I heard your truck pull up but I didn’t hear you come in.” My mom comes around in a white button-up, blue jeans and her house slippers with a mug in hand.

"Hey, Ma.” I say not really looking at her, just staring into nothing but in the direction overlooking the fields.

"I know that look.” She says on an exhale, sitting on the other side of the swing kicking her slippers off tucking one leg under her and the other hanging off while we sway back and forth.

"Rhett, honey, talk to me.” I take a deep breath but keep my focus ahead of me.

"I went to see dad.” She sits in silence waiting for me to continue. Finally tearing my gaze away, I look down at my boots that are the root of our swinging.

"Mel left and didn’t say goodbye again,” I whisper.

"Did you tell her you love her finally?” I don’t react or defend because the feeling of defeat has taken hold of me. Still swaying with my head still hanging, a breeze comes through and I close my eyes and take in a deep breath reaching for air to deflate this ball that has blown up inside me. The smell of fresh musky rainfall fills my senses, and just like the weather, I let it out. I don’t hide things from my mom, really I can’t. She sees everything and feels it all just as much and more. Eyes still closed I feel her hand clasp over mine and the other reaches to turn my face to look at her.

“Rhett Anthony Parker, what happened to practice what you preach?” Removing her palm from my face waving in a questioning gesture.

"Not long ago, I was given a speech about not giving up come hell or high water.”

I bring my hands to my face, rubbing my eyes, filled with exhaustion. I lean forward with both feet planted resting my elbows on the tops of my knees.

"That’s a completely different situation, Ma.” I mutter.

"Mel and I clearly don’t work. It shouldn’t have to be this hard. Yeah, I played a big part in the constant bickering head games but she ripped the rug right out from under me for the second time.” I pause, take in a deep breath and sit up straight. I run my hand over the wooden frame of the swing and pick at the splinter that's weatherworn.

"These past couple of months have been the best but most confusing, how do I move forward when I feel like everything’s falling apart?” Movement causes the swing to sway off balance as Ma has gotten up, walking around to the back and leans over my shoulders giving me a hug and mumbles,

"Sometimes when things seem to be falling apart, they might actually be falling into place.”

She gives me a squeeze then plants a kiss on my head. I reach my hand up squeezing her arms wrapped around my neck giving them a kiss in return. Just when I think I’m about to be left with my thoughts she gives me one last push.

“You owe it to yourself to tell her how you feel honey, once and for all. Don’t keep letting second thoughts and maybe’s get in the way of that.”

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