Page 73 of Wasted Oil

So much hate was built both personally and equally between us along with many other things but it’s also strung this web of everything that's played in the span of these summer months. Maybe that's why she left, because she was embarrassed, overwhelmed or freaked out from it. What I do know is we have a lot to talk about.

“Fuck,” I say as I sit up hunched over with my elbows on my knees running my hand through my hair. This has gotten messy.

I stand up walking to my scattered clothes in the dirt lifting to shake them off and quickly put them on and head to the house to shower and build the strength to find Mel. It’s time to lay it all out for her, more importantly. Apologize.

What happened with Janelle was quite possibly the worst thing I could have done to her. Walking up the stairs, I feel my face cringe from that night. From Mel’s point of view, I can only imagine the gut punch she felt to see.

I wanted to hurt her but when the plan fell through I felt it was something telling me this isn’t right, which is why I decided to just leave.

Truth is, I was at our spot just trying to breathe from all the shit happening. Things with Mel, the farm and then Janelle showed up because Johnny was still at the bar when she finally showed up and told her I went home. I may have grown up with him but to call him my good friend is as far as I place him. Sure, if he got kicked out or needed help moving I'd be there but he’s never fully reached the family best friend. He knew what he was doing telling Janelle. He thinks everything in life is a game.

That’ll be an argument for another day. Right now my mind is only on the girl I’ve completely fallen in love with.

Her fight made me fall harder. Sharing our first kiss long ago that night outside of Jansens I knew there was love for her and I wanted to finally see where it would go but didn’t get the chance. That night we crossed over that line I knew it was more than just love for her.

I was done for.

She fit so perfectly in my arms, her lips on mine. Waking up seeing her long black hair splayed over my chest, arm wrapped over me and legs tangled in mine. If I close my eyes and inhale I can still smell her vanilla strawberry shampoo linger.

Just before getting ready to get in the shower, I send a text to Mel asking her to meet me at The Den so we can talk. I didn't wait to see if she responded. I stripped off my clothes and reached into the shower and turned the nozzle to hot. In minutes the bathroom fills with steam fogging the mirror. Stepping in, I close my eyes and let the hot water fall surround me, hoping it would help drown out everything wrong and clear a path for everything that's right. She needs to know everything after the first night since she came back that everything between us has been real. Even though for myself at some points it felt forced, but it was me holding back because I was trying to protect my heart and all.

Still standing under the spray of hot water, I place my hands out in front of me on the tile and hang my head.

"Why didn’t you tell her when you saw her tattoo and heard why she got it?” I tell myself followed by

Damn it, you idiot. I slam my fist into the tile making my jaw clench from the sting.

The shower felt like hours but eventually the hot water turned cold causing it to turn uncomfortable. I could have gone longer if it didn’t. The world seems so silent and on-hold when I’m in there. Like a safe place where you can feel all things or feel nothing at all, whether soaking in the tub or just standing while the water rains down on you. It's where I feel most at peace and calm like all is right in the world.

I felt that way whenever I woke up next to Mel. She became my peace, my safe place.

Shaking my head and brushing the water from my face, I turn off the shower, get out and dry myself off. While walking into my room, I check my phone and see no response and notice my message wasn’t delivered. My chest tightens and I try running my knuckles over it telling myself don’t overthink it, her phones probably dead and is at Alex’s forgetting to plug it in. I know for a fact she will be anywhere but her parents house. Looking at the clock I see it’s nearly seven am. I know she had to have stayed there and Alex is probably already getting the store ready for the day so she can let me in and then I can talk to Mel.

Throwing on jeans and plain white-T, I slip into my boots, I grab my keys and my ball cap on my way out the door. Maybe it’s from events of last night, or just these past months, or nerves of me about to lay my whole heart out to Mel, but I keep rubbing that same spot on my chest from earlier only this feels heavier making me feel off. Coffee will probably help and I should eat something.

Pulling up to The Den, I see the light through the window and movement of a shadow setting up chairs in the cafe area of the store. I climb out of my truck and swing my arm behind to shut it. The store is quiet aside from the faint music playing over the speakers but there’s a feel of emptiness washing over me as I walk in.

"Welcome to Th— oh Rhett.. .Hey.” Alex says turning around from setting a chair down.

"Hey Al, any chance Mel is here?” I ask, pointing up signaling to her apartment above the store. She has this stillness about her when I ask of her best friend and I can see her eyes are looking anywhere but at me, as if she’s struggling to give me an answer.

"Rhett, you should sit down.” She goes to pull out the chair she just put down. My heart feels like it’s stuck in my throat reaching for the chair and she rounds the table to sit in the other.

Clamping my hand over the other, I lean against the table asking,

"What’s going on, is she upset with me. I know last night was a lot but I reall—” I’m cut off.

"She’s gone, Rhett." I lean back in my chair processing what Alex just said. I stare at her stunned like a statue.

"She left in the night, I’m assuming after you had fallen asleep she snuck out, came here, grabbed her stuff and left.”

My gaze looks down at my thumb rubbing my other hand as if I’m trying to give myself comfort or feel something. My movement ends with Alex placing her hand over mine. I look up at her not noticing when her tears began to fall. She lost her best friend again too.

“She’s not coming back this time is she?” I ask but I knew the answer before it was confirmed.

“I’m sorry, Rhett, maybe just give her some time. I think you both need some space from what these past few months have taken from you both. Then maybe you can reach out or go see her.” Alex tries to keep things as calm as possible. But I’ve gone from stunned. To Sad. To completely shattered, mad at myself.

“Why can’t she ever say goodbye to me?” I ask Alex and she pulls her hand from mine to cover her mouth as if to hold her emotions back. I shake my head pushing myself back making the chair make a terrible screech and storm out and in seconds I'm peeling out of my parking spot and driving to a place I've only gone to when I had to say goodbye to a person I wish was here everyday.

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