Page 60 of Winter Break Up

It’s everything I’ve wanted from her. Yet still, as I hang in the doorway and she stands on the porch expectantly, I can’t just completely forget the baggage and history between us.

“Why now? What’s changed?” I hedge.

A frown flickers over her mouth before she sets it in a determined line again. “Can we go somewhere to talk? Maybe inside. Or in my car, I don’t know.”

It’s probably awkward for her, standing there in her coat and winter gear while I’m in sweatpants with my grandfather on the other side of the door. Yet I can’t budge. I need to hear what she’s planned to say and then decide if I can take a risk of my own. I don’t want to take the time out to drive around looking for a spot to talk or have her come into my bedroom while Grandpa pretends not to eavesdrop.

“No, tell me. You came here to stop being an idiot, then do it,” I challenge her.

Emily huffs out a breath, a frustrated look directed at me. But she presses on. “Nothing’s really changed, honestly. I’m still scared out of my mind about long-distance and the future. I’m nervous about how my mental health struggles will affect our relationship. I don’t want your bright future putting my wants and needs, plus my career plans, in the shadows. I don’t want things to end badly for the sake of our mutual loved ones.

“But now, I realized how miserable I am, even with all of those reasons or excuses. I can put up with all the worry and fear if it means I get to be with you. If it means I love you and you love me, then I can deal with my issues because it’ll mean you’re by my side. It just took me realizing that struggle and strife will always be present. It’s who I choose to walk through with them that matters. And … I love you, Mercer. So much it consumes me in this quiet, ever-present way. I’ve never not loved you. Since the moment I fell hard and fast when we were teenagers, it’s always been you. I’m sorry it took me so long to come to terms with it all. But I love you, and I’m done chickening out.”

Those three little words are like fireworks to my soul. They light me up, excite me, make me feel like magic and wonder aren’t just for kids at a theme park. But still, that little voice at the back of my head won’t let me accept her words.

“How do I know you won’t retract this? How can I trust that you won’t end us again, that you won’t hurt me because you’re running scared?”

My issues come out now, the deeply buried abandonment baggage rearing its ugly head. Not only had my parents done it to me, but Emily has left me twice now. She cut me loose, and even if I want her more than my next breath, I’ll always fear she’ll do it again.

“Because I’m still scared, yet I’m not running. My knees might be quaking, but I’m standing my ground. Because I want you, Mercer. I want you on the good and bad days, the ones where we can’t stand each other and the ones where we can’t stand to be apart. I want everything in between. I won’t be perfect, neither will you, but we are two sides of the same coin. You complete me. It’s just common sense that we be together.”

Emily shrugs as if she’s resigned herself to the fact that we’re meant to be and that she’s had to live with that being our outcome.

As if everything in me isn’t a complete mushy puddle at her words. As if I’m not going to give in from the start because I love her more than reason.

“Common sense, huh?” I fight to keep the smirk off my face.

“Who else is going to put up with me screeching like a baby animal anytime I see a spider?” she deadpans.

“And who would venture out in the dead of summer just to get you a certain shade of paint, then do all of the trim work?” One summer, I helped paint her bedroom and did pretty much all the legwork while she admired my ass.

I step toward her, my socks hitting the freezing cold welcome mat.

“Who is going to scratch my back when I get sick? Or fill up the hot water bottle when I have period cramps?” All things I’ve done for her.

She shifts her feet, moving an inch toward me.

“You know, your coffee drink orders are too frou-frou and complicated for a new guy to learn.” My feet are toe to toe with her boots now, my face lowering to invade her space.

“I love you. Only ever you,” she whispers, her eyes searching mine.

“Then it’s a damn good thing that I’m so in love with you, I’ll forgive just about anything you do to me.”

Before I can say another word, Emily hooks a gloved hand behind my head and pulls my lips down to hers. My hands find her hips, pulling them toward me as my tongue tangles with hers. The kiss is fast, passionate, soul-soothing, and bone-deep. It’s a promise of all that’s to come and an apology for all that’s behind us.

“Will you invite that girl inside and stop making her freeze her ass off on the porch now?” Grandpa’s voice interrupts us.

We both break the kiss in a fit of laughter.

“Maybe his hearing isn’t as bad as you said,” she mutters, referring to our sexual escapades in my bedroom.

“We’ll have to test it out later.” I swoop in to lay one more kiss on her cheek. “We still have a lot to talk about, but yes, Em. I am always going to love you. Everything else, we’ll figure out.”

While yes, there are discussions to be had and logistics to work out, the most important decision has been made. I told Emily I’ll be here waiting if she ever got her shit together. And she did, just days later. We’re not going to make the same mistakes we did as teens; I won’t let her go so easily, and she won’t question our bond.

We’re together now, that’s what matters. The rest? We’ll deal with it as it comes.

27

---