Page 32 of Before I Tell You

I LEFT THE TAVERN before Nathan even had a chance to notice that I was missing.

Now, my body is shaking uncontrollably in the passenger seat of Jason’s car. I look in the back seat and find Jason’s football jacket, which I wrap around my body like a blanket while I wait.

“How could I be so stupid?” I say out loud in anger.

When Brian walked into the tavern, I thought I was seeing things. There was no way he was here. Not right now. And not in the very same place as me.

I closed my eyes to make the image of him disappear, but when I opened them, Brian was still there. Haunting me. I don’t think he saw me sitting behind Nathan, but I knew I had to get out of there when he started walking over. So, the second Nathan turned away from me, I ducked and slipped off the barstool, sneaking out the back entrance without being noticed.

I stumbled a few times in the parking lot while looking for Jason’s car, but I located it on the far side of the lot after only a few minutes. Thankfully, he never locks his doors, so I was instantly relieved when I was able to open the door and hop in.

The letters on my phone all looked blurry, but somehow, I managed to text Jason.

Me: Can we please leave?

Jason: Everything ok?

Me: Yes. But I want to go home.

Jason: Where are you?

Me: In your car.

Jason: Ok. Be right there.

And now I wait,I think, wrapping the jacket tighter around me.

I lean back in the leather seat and position my head against the headrest, but suddenly, the car begins to spin. Not sure if it’s the extreme nerves pulsating in my body or the amount of alcohol I drank that’s making me feel this way, but I whip the jacket off and open the door, moving cautiously to the side to get some air. My feet land firmly on the ground as I try to make the dizziness stop. I close my eyes and put my head between my knees, taking deep breaths.

“Natalie, are you ok?” Nathan asks with concern in his voice. I open my eyes and see his feet in front of me. “You were sitting right next to me, and then suddenly you were gone.” He sounds out of breath like he might have just been running around looking for me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” is all I manage to say. My eyes instantly close again, and I keep my head locked between my knees, hoping he will leave before I heave all over his feet.

“You look it.” He lifts my body out of the seat, gently pulling me up to stand beside him. Then his body slides down onto the seat he just pulled me from.

I’m not going to be able to stand up for much longer, so I ask, “What are you doing?”

He reclines the seat all the way back and then carefully pulls me down to sit on his lap. The door is left open so my legs can stick out of the car, allowing me to still feel the cool breeze. He lets the right side of my head rest against his chest while he rubs my back in a slow circular motion. His other arm is positioned across my lap, holding me against him like a seat belt.

“I am so embarrassed,” I say as I nuzzle my head into his chest.

“Don’t be. It’s my fault. Just close your eyes.”

“Why are you being so nice to me? You never even noticed me until recently.”

I feel his chest rise as he takes a deep breath before speaking. “I like you, Natalie … a lot,” he adds with certainty.

I definitely drank too much because I know I heard him wrong.

“You like me?”

“Yes. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.” His hands have stopped forming circles on my back and are now moving tenderly up and down.

“Why shouldn’t you like me?” I ask, placing my hand on his solid arm that’s wrapped around me, feeling the heat radiating off of him.

“Well, you know …” He lets out a sigh. “You've always been Natalie Spencer. The girl that everyone either wanted to be or be with. You were … how do I say this without sounding like a total asshole? You were, well, I mean, you are perfect. I don't deserve to be with someone like you. You … you deserve better than me.”

Me, perfect? If only he knew.

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