Page 12 of The Mission

Conrad nodded.

He hoped for one last glimpse of Arlo as he waited for his suitcase to appear on the conveyor belt, but didn’t see him. Once the group had their luggage, they left through theNothing to Declareexit and Conrad followed them over to the holiday rep. He wore a blue ski jacket, and was holding up a Trueblue Chalets sign, waving it from side to side. Once names were ticked off the list, they were sent outside to bus seven.

Conrad sucked in a breath at the bite of cold air as he left the terminal.Wow, that’s chilly.But a good chilly. He hoped there was plenty of snow where it mattered because there wasn’t much here. Once he’d handed his case to the driver to stow in the luggage compartment, he climbed on the bus and sat down. As he stared through the window, he saw Arlo hugging a guy.Must be his brother.Conrad couldn’t see his face.

Then a little niggle of doubt crept in. What if that was Arlo’s boyfriend?What? Are you nuts? Stop it right now.Not everyone was a liar. But once Arlo was with his family, why would he bother about him? The exchange of phone numbers meant nothing. Conrad sighed.I am such a bloody misery. Smile, for fuck’s sake!But he couldn’t.

He put his hands on his forearms and stroked up and down. Therapy advice.I’m all right. More than all right. Everything is fine.He pulled out his AirPods, listened to his favourite version of Vivaldi’s Double Concerto for Two Cellos, and found himself wondering if he’d ever get to play it with Arlo. Conrad’s heart pinged at the thought. Then the ping faded.I’m delusional.But the instrument was a big thing to have in common. To meet someone who played the cello was a huge deal. The only reason Mark had tolerated Conrad playing his was because Conrad could do it silently. He only used his wooden cello when Mark wasn’t around.

The bus gradually filled. No one sat next to him. Not even David. Thatdidmake Conrad give a small smile. He was tempted to change his plan of ‘total avoidance wherever possible’ and instead endeavour to ensure he was right there when the group planned what they were going to do that day. They could ignore him, and be rude to him and he was going to let it roll right over his head. He didn’t want to get accused of being a killjoy.

Conrad removed his AirPods when the rep talked to them. The guy came round distributing the pre-booked lift passes, and information about activities. He was trying to get them to sign up for snowmobiling, horse riding, tubing, a trip to ice caves, a visit to a spa, tobogganing, ice skating, spending money at a Christmas market, visiting Santa Claus, heli-skiing… The thought of doing any of them on his own was depressing, as was the thought of doing them with the group. Even David didn’t bother to come and ask Conrad to join whatever activities the group had decided to do. Conrad signed to do nothing.

He reversed his plans yet again and decided to do everything on his own. This washisholiday. Why should he spend a moment of it with people he didn’t like? He just hoped he could spend some of it with a guy hedidlike.

It took ninety minutes to get to the chalet. Conrad spent the journey listening to music, his face pressed to the window, taking in as much as he could in the darkness. There were Christmas lights in all the villages, illuminated Christmas trees outside houses, roof lines outlined with dangling lights and snow was softly falling. It all looked cute, romantic and chocolate boxy.

Only their group was dropped at Chalet Alpenland. It was a typical Austrian chalet made of wood with a wide, gently sloping, snow-covered roof, the upper floors protruding over the storeys below, though this chalet was hotel-sized, with hotel facilities, huge and luxurious. There were two brightly lit Christmas trees either side of the glass-doored main entrance and the eaves were lined with icicle lights. It looked lovely, but then Mark had chosen it and he didn’t like second best of anything.

He did choose me.But Conrad had failed to make the grade.I’m lucky. I escaped.He made himself smile.

Conrad hung back until everyone had gone inside because he wanted to ask if there was a single room he could have, and didn’t want anyone to hear. He took a few breaths of the cold night air and sighed. Whether he enjoyed this holiday or not was up to him. He reallywasover Mark. It didn’t hurt that he was wrapped around Ernesto. Itdidhurt that this holiday wasn’t the ‘friends go skiing’ that Conrad had hoped for. But it might beConrad goes skiing with Arlo.A thought that cheered him up.

When he joined the line at the desk, he was glad to see David well ahead of him. The lobby was warm and cosy. There was another Christmas tree in there, a big one, decorated with blue and silver baubles. Massive garlands were draped around windows and up the stairs, and there was a blazing fire in the hearth. He could see plenty of comfy-looking chairs and Conrad imagined himself whiling away a few hours in the evening with a drink and a book, after taking a dip in the outdoor pool.

Finally, it was his turn at the desk and he gave his name to the receptionist. “Is there by any chance a single room I could have?” he asked in German. He spoke a little though he wasn’t fluent.

The man shook his head. “I’m sorry, no. We’re completely booked.”

“Okay.” Conrad wasn’t surprised. It was Christmas, after all. “If you have a cancellation…?”

“We’ll let you know.”

He took his keycard and followed the directions to the third floor. When he opened the door, David was unpacking. He’d chosen the bed next to the window. Conrad’s was by the bathroom door. Well, that served him right for delaying.

“We’re meeting at the bar.” David’s tone was a little short. “Coming?”

“No, thanks.” He figured they’d all be happier without him around. He thought about going for a walk, but instead unpacked.

“I tried to get a room on my own,” David said. “There aren’t any. The clients are all in suites so we have to share.”

“I don’t mind sharing with you,” Conrad said.

David smiled and took a step towards him.

Shit.That wasn’t an invitation!

“Then come down to the bar.”

“Not tonight. I’m too tired.”

Not that tired. But David left and Conrad got ready for bed, even though it was too early to go to sleep. He was trying to read his book and thinking about whether he should call Arlo, when his phone vibrated. When he saw Arlo’s name, he felt as if he’d swallowed sunshine.

“Hi,” Conrad said.

“Am I disturbing you?”

“I had a choice of getting drunk with people I don’t want to get drunk with, going for a walk on my own or going to bed with a book. Guess where I am?”

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