Page 19 of Hold On

Theo glared. “No, they won’t. I’ve helped with the dig too. You should go and look at it. You could take my metal detector out for a walk but not on the dig site. Leave the ground as you found it and you can search anywhere on Asquith land.”

“James’ lawn?” Col asked.

Theo shuddered. “On second thoughts if you want to use it, I need to show you where.”

“What about your day?” Dominic turned to Col.

“I spend it carving stone, mostly. I have a studio at the end of the stable block. I’ve run a couple of classes. I work for Asquith too, remedial work on the building and general handiwork. Sometimes I help in the garden.”

“Did you do that?” Dominic had seen the fox next to the TV, but it hadn’t crossed his mind that his brother might have made it.

“Yes. It’s Theo’s fox, Isla.”

“Col’s brilliant,” Theo said. “Wait till you see everything he’s made. I’ll take you on a tour tomorrow, after that person comes to speak to you, and after shopping. Is that too much?”

“For today, it is,” Dominic said. “I need to go to bed.”

He pushed to his feet and Col rose to his. Dominic could tell Col was going to hug him again and he steeled himself. But the hug was quick and Dominic managed not to wince.

Dominic had a better night than he’d anticipated. He’d slept naked under a sheet because the room was so warm. The bed smelt…perfect. Felt perfect too with smooth sheets and a soft pillow. He’d left the curtains open and woken to sunlight streaming in through the window. No bars. He could see a web on the outside of the glass. Hear birds. The simplest things could block his throat. Col’s kindness. Theo’s boundless energy and enthusiasm. Col saving money to give him when the guy had never earned much. What had his brother gone without in order to do that? All Col’s plans to help him start again… Theo’s generosity.

He swallowed hard. He didn’t deserve any of it. What his parents had done to him… He found himself swallowing repeatedly.They had no right!But he’d put himself in prison by doing something most people would never be able to get their head around. To kill in self-defence was one thing. To strike out in anger or fear, or in a moment of uncontrollable rage was almost understandable. But to torture, to mutilate…To return to the house knowing what he was going to do… That was something else entirely. It was wrong to be glad his parents were dead, but he was still glad. Not that he’d said that to anyone he’d spoken to. Sorrow, regret and everlasting guilt were what they needed to hear, so that was what he’d given them.

Getting out of bed and not putting his feet onto a cold, worn floor made his heart leap. Having a bathroom separate to where he slept. A smart, new bathroom with cool tiles and a wood effect floor and a heated towel rail. Dominic knew there was no job he could walk into that would pay a salary allowing him to live anywhere as nice as this. Not for years. Maybe never.

How soon would he wear out his welcome? Col and Theo were just setting out on what, hopefully, would be a long life together. They didn’t need Col’s ex-con elder brother as a constant third wheel. But for the time being, he had no choice. He shouldn’t rush this step back into the world. It was a long steep ladder that he had to climb and he might fall at any moment. At least he didn’t ache as much as he had yesterday.

The box Col had mentioned still sat on the floor. He couldn’t think what might be in it. He definitely wasn’t ready to look, so he put it in the empty wardrobe. The idea of buying clothes filled him with dread, but it was something he had to do.One step at a time. And keep breathing.Good advice from Dr Roberts.

Theo left and Col stayed when Dominic’s Offender Manager turned up. Trevor Norton was in his forties and one of those types who seemed to constantly smile, though Dominic felt it was a front. One thing hehadlearned inside was how to read people. Or maybe certain types of people. Norton went through the rules of his license, and had Dominic read and agree to a plan. He explained, in detail—as if Dominic hadn’t already heard it dozens of times—what would happen if he messed up. The warning wasn’t needed. No way did he intend to end up back inside.

All questions were answered, all boxes ticked. Norton had spoken to Col too and seemed satisfied with the set-up. Dominic hadn’t wanted to show him his room, it felt like an intrusion, but wasn’t going to argue about anything. If the guy had told him he wanted to do a strip search, Dominic would have complied.

He showed Norton his medication and prescription. Dominic assumed there was no way Norton could know if he refilled that prescription or not, but maybe he’d refill it once, just in case. Col confirmed he was going to be working in the garden, and that seemed to make Norton happy. Dominic thought the guy would set up an appointment to see him in his office but that didn’t happen.

“Send me your number as soon as you can, and I’ll be in touch.”

The guy had been there fifteen minutes. Almost sixteen years for fifteen minutes.

Shopping was more stressful than Norton’s visit. Theo had driven them to an out-of-town retail park and when Dominic realised how much everything was going to cost, he used his card, not Col’s. At least, when he could. He’d reimburse his brother later. He didn’t want to argue with him when Col was trying to help him.

After visits to Currys, TK Maxx, Boots and a café for lunch, Dominic was back at Asquith with more than he’d known he needed. He was still wearing Col’s jeans, but put on a new T-shirt. The rest of his stuff he left on the bed.

“I’m going for a walk,” he told his brother.

“Do you have your phone?”

“Yes.” He patted his pocket. Col had put his and Theo’s numbers in there and also Norton’s. Dominic had already texted his number to his Offender Manager.

“Like some company?” Col asked.

“I…”No.

Col chuckled. “Fine. Go on your own.”

It wasn’t so much that Dominic wanted a walk, but he needed time alone. Though he’d not reached the door before Col called him back.

“What the hell, Dominic?”

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