Page 115 of Brittle Heart

Joshua is twenty-six, and in any adult relationship, sex is a part of it. I want to sleep with him, but I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t feel attractive enough.What if I disappoint him? What if he doesn’t like what he sees when I have my clothes off?

Maybe I should start with something simpler, like giving him a blow job. But I don’t even know how to do that.Can you google how to give good head?

“Where’s your head at?” Joshua smiles at me, playing with my hair.

“Nowhere,” I say, a little too fast.

“You okay?” He grins at me, his eyebrows raised.

“Sure,” I say, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, the motion letting the sleeve of my hoodie slip, revealing my forearm.

“What’s that?” he asks, reaching out to touch the bandage.

I quickly put my arm on my lap, pulling down the sleeve. “Oh, nothing. I burned myself while cooking.”

“Let me see, did you show a doctor?” Joshua asks, looking concerned.

“No, it’s not bad, really. I just have to keep putting cream on it and keep it covered for a few more days.” I shrug.

“You know, for someone claiming not to be clumsy, you’re hurting yourself a lot.” His mouth twists into a half-smile, but concern is evident in his eyes.

“Joshy, can you help me with this real quick?” Sophia shouts over from the register.

“Be right back,” Joshua says, pecking my lips.

I start to fidget, and Clay looks up from his plate. “What’s wrong, kitten?”

“Can you teach me how to give head?” I blurt out.

He nearly chokes on a broccoli. “What did you just say?”

“I mean, you know both perspectives, and Chiara thinks if I don’t have an expensive Christmas present for him or sex with him, he will leave me, but I didn’t even give him head yet, and I thought maybe that’s a place to start, but I mean if I suck at it, it’s just as bad so I don’t know,” I say, so fast it nearly becomes one word.

A smirk forms on Clay’s lips. “Kitten, did you just say you got sex advice from a sixteen-year-old?”

I look down at my lap. “I have no one else to talk to.”

“Didn’t we finally come to the conclusion that we’re best friends? Best friends talk about stuff like that,” he corrects.

“That’s why I asked,” I mutter.

“I’m thinking really hard about how I could teach you to give head without letting you suck my cock, but I come up blank. Seems like we should try it that way.”

“Clay!” I hiss.

“I just mean it would be the easiest and most enjoyable way for both of us.” He smirks.

“I hate you,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “Forget I asked.”

“Carolina—” Clay starts, but then Joshua and Sophia come back to our table.

“What did we miss?” Sophia asks, setting down her tray.

“We were just discussing some best friend bonding activities, right, kitten?” Clay says with a smile.

I glare at him, grabbing my water and taking a sip.

“Sounds fun,” Joshua chimes in. “Tell me when and where. I wanna join.”

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