Page 23 of A Touch of Heaven

Her ignoring me is a pain I’ve never felt before. I want to throw up. I can feel the whiskey coming back up to haunt me.

God, what have I done to her?

Nate watches her walk upstairs until she disappears before turning and marching toward me. He grabs my shirt, pushing me back against the fridge. I slam into it hard, my head bashing against the cold steel, shaking it in the impact. He’s always been strong, my brother, but without the drinks in my system, he could never have done this to me. I’ve gotten weak. She makes me weak. I laugh out loud at the thought, and he shoots me an absolute look of sheer hatred. A way he’s never looked at me before.

“I don’t know what the fuck you did, Chase, because, for reasons I can’t understand, she’s covering for you. But I know you did something. You better make this fucking right, brother, or get the fuck out of my life and don’t come back. I have never seen Brooke that way, and the fact you were the one to hurt her… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for that.”

I nod slowly at him, unable to form words before he gives me one last shove, hitting my head against the ice-cold fridge before he lets go and walks off.

“Damn, baby brother has balls.” Jax chuckles.

I don’t answer, I can’t. I have to get out of here. I can’t breathe. I walk out of the house and into the night, thinking of my brother’s warning.

I could never make it up to her.

Not now.

She’s given me one chance too many.

So maybe now is the time I take the out I promised myself I would take. Maybe now is the time I leave Nate and Brooke’s life forever. I can’t be what either of them needs.

I don’t deserve her. I’m too lost in the dark, and maybe that’s where I deserve to stay.

CHAPTERTEN

NATE

Ispent the day walking around town on my own, exploring. I needed some space from everything. Last night, something went down, though I’m not sure what. I feel like I’m out of the loop. The way Brooke looked at Chase after he kissed Harper, and vice versa. I’m worried there’s something there between them. My heart spasms at that.

Did I leave it too late?

I remember seeing Brooke for the first time. She was on the street playing when I dropped my football, and it rolled right over her chalk drawing on the sidewalk. Her face was covered in colored chalk dust as she picked up my ball and looked at me. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I was only a stupid kid then, but even now, it stands.

It’s not just her physical beauty that does it for me. I mean, she’s stunning. Everyone thinks I call her Tink because of her height, but it’s not that. It was the way the chalk powder that covered her clothes shimmered and swirled like fairy dust in the air around her.

I will never forget that moment because I knew then when I saw her for the first time what I was seeing. I was seeing real magic. Her eyes are always sparkling like she knows the secret of the world. She’s always daydreaming about bigger and better things. Her heart is so pure it radiates light and attracts everyone to it.

Her petite frame is just as joyous. She’s so easy to pick up, and I make sure I do it often. The girl has curves, though, in all the right places. Something about her ass has me staring, imagining how she would squeal for me as I sink my teeth into it.

Her auburn hair always shines, and I love running my fingers through it, but her smile gets me the most. Every smile she has is so genuine, and lights up her whole face. But there’s a brightness in her that everyone wants to be around. She is a genuinely sweet girl who craves excitement. She’s always searching for more, searching for something other than what she has. I love that about her.

Hell, I love everything about her.

I love her.

I was in love with her the moment she smiled at me and stuck her hand out, covered in chalk, as she handed me my ball. No tantrum that I messed up her drawing, just a pure, innocent smile. I fell so hard at that moment, and I’ve been falling ever since.

I’ve been her best friend since the moment I sat down on that sidewalk with her to fix the drawing I destroyed, but now I want more. I’ve always worried about ruining our friendship, so I’ve spent years trying to move on. To find a girl that rivals her beauty, innocence, and wonder, but she’s one of a kind. Every time, I find myself comparing my girlfriends to her, and quite frankly, there’s no competition.

I decided now is the time to tell her. I can’t carry on any longer without giving it at least a shot. I never did because I don’t want to ruin what we have, but I need to know one way or another if she feels the same way. But seeing her with Chase last night, her reaction to him kissing Harper… I’ll be a wrecked man if she feels that way about Chase.

I’ve spent the day racking my brain, looking for signs between them that something is going on. The truth is, I don’t think I would know with my brother. For the last few years, he’s distanced himself from our family. Spending more time with Asher and Jax than me.

I hear them calling each other brothers, and I hate it. He’s never once been there for me the way he has for them. Guess blood doesn’t count. We weren’t always so distant. It happened about seven, eight years ago. He went out one night with the guys as my brother and came back three days later a stranger.

He’s not good for Brooke. I know that. I’ve seen his mood switch instantly, and I always wonder what he would do if he switched around her. But strangely, she never sees that side of him. He always gives her the softer side of him. I always assumed it was a brotherly thing, but now I’m not so sure.

My mind has been messed up all day. Going back and forth over every interaction they had. I need to stop. Instead of obsessing over them, I move on to my future. An equally messed up train of thought.

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