Page 22 of A Touch of Heaven

This is how we cope. We numb the pain. It’s why Asher gets high often. It helps him forget.Jax…well, Jax has another reason to numb his pain. I think that’s why we are friends. I think something in us recognized the pain and anger we all held.

“We still have a few more to go, you know… If you don’t tell them now and let them in, you might lose them both forever,” Jax blows out.

He doesn’t know what it’s like. To have someone in your life so pure and untainted by darkness. Brooke is my light. I need her more than the air in my lungs, but I can’t be selfish anymore. I can’t let her in. To find out who I really am. To allow the dark to taint that light she has.

“I know,” Ash growls. “You think I don’t fucking know that, Jax? You think I don’t think of her every second of every day and wish I never got started on this godforsaken path because it means I can never have the one fucking thing that makes me happy?”

I place my hand on his shoulder to calm him, and he breathes out, nodding. “I have to do this for my sister. It’s the only way. But Chase… You can walk away. You don’t need to lose her. I won’t blame you. You didn’t know Ellie,” he says quietly.

I think that over in my head for a second. I could be with her finally. Let her light chase the darkness out of my soul.

I imagine waking up with her in my arms, her hair falling over her beautiful face, framing it like an angel.

I imagine how she would feel against me, seeing her waking up smiling at me and kissing me good morning.

It’s heaven, and the thought of that warms my soul, shielding me from the demons trying to creep in. But I know I can’t leave Asher. I have to keep him sane on this journey. I worry sometimes that I’m losing him. Each day, he seems a little colder, a little more distant, and the truth is I’m happy Harper is in his life. As volatile as their relationship is, she keeps him grounded in the real world.

“We’re brothers, aren’t we? We don’t run away from this. One thing hurts us. It hurts us all,” I say with as much conviction as I can muster. Jax nods along with Asher.

“Thank you, brother,” he says, and I nod, assuring him.

I sigh loudly, trying to breathe the pain away, but it doesn’t help. “Nate is finally going to tell her. He basically told me on the first day here.” I swallow hard like I’m trying to accept it. “He’s a better choice for her, and he loves her too.” Asher scoffs, and I shoot him a look. “Asher, if someone like him went after your girl, what would you do? Knowing what we have done, what we plan to do… What choice would you make?”

He groans loudly. “I would walk away knowing that guy could give her the life she deserves, loved and cared for. To hell with how I feel because that’s what she deserves.”

I sigh, nodding. “Exactly…and he’s my brother, and he loves her…which is why I made her hate me. I had to do it. She needs to see him as the right choice… I said…I said she was nothing compared to Chloe.”

Repeating it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Part of me wishes I could take it back.

“I said I could never be with a girl like her, a virgin, that I was sick of babysitting her, and that she needed to back off.”

I grab the bottle of whiskey, hitting my head against the fridge and finishing the bottle. Repeating everything I said to her in my head, watching her tears fall, seeing her collapse on the beach as I turned away from her.

Nate is a better choice. He couldn’t do that to her. Maybe I am a son of a bitch, and I know my soul is damned to hell already. This way, I’m keeping her from sharing a room with me there.

Jax whistles. “Damn, Chase, that’s fucking cold. You’re the fucking reason she’s still a virgin because you didn’t let anyone near her! Fuck Man! And Chloe? You hated Chloe.”

I look at him, and he knows he’s right. I can’t stand that girl, especially after finding out what she did to her. I tell them everything she told me today and watch Asher’s eyes go cold and empty while Jax’s eyes flame, showing pure rage. They love her like a baby sister and are just as protective of her as I am.

“I could hack her and her precious daddy’s accounts, you know. Make their fortune disappear like that!” Jax snaps his fingers, an evil smirk on his face, “Or maybe plant something and feed it to the feds or the IRS? Can you imagine her face when she loses her reputation and her fortune?” Jax laughs coldly. “Can you imagine Chloe like that? Poor and destitute on the streets… That would be funny, man. Let me do it!”

Asher nods. “Personally, I’d choose a little more bloodshed before that. Let’s scare the shit out of her first. I reckon I could fuck her up before we push the button.”

I shake my head. Sometimes, I’m surprised by how cold they are until I realize I’m right there with them. “I want to be smart about this. She’s an evil bitch, but none of that seems right. Let me think about this for a while. I don’t want this coming back on Brooke.”

“Where is B, though? She hasn’t come back, and it’s getting late…” Jax announces, looking at his watch.

Panic shoots through my body, guilt flooding in as I realize I left her alone on the beach at night. It’s been at least an hour since I left her…

Fuck, what if something happened to her?

I jump off the floor, nearly falling over, and reach out to the fridge behind me to keep myself upright as I realize how much alcohol I’ve just consumed.

At that exact moment, the door swings open, and the sight of what’s in my eyeline cuts my breath off sharply. Nate with his arm around her as she smiles coyly up at him.

“Brooke…” I croak out.

She doesn’t even acknowledge me, but I see her body tense at the sound of my voice. Instead, she kisses his cheek lovingly and walks straight upstairs.

---