Page 11 of Home for the Holidays

And, speaking of intimacy, being fake intimate with someone she loved but wasn’t in love with sounded horrifying. She really didn’t want to do this with Zac, but at the same time, her compulsion to help and mend fences for other people was too strong to ignore. It was a tricky spot to be in. She and Zac had been inseparable ever since they met that night in Soho. It had been such a wild night. The party was for a mutual friend, Kara, who was throwing an insemination party for herself. She had wanted to get pregnant for ages; after countless failed relationships, she’d finally said, “Fuck it!” and decided to do it all by herself. She was nothing if not determined. When Iris arrived, Kara’s place was packed. Sperm-shaped streamers hung from the ceiling, tiny sperm confetti was thrown all over the place, and there were even creamy shots in test tubes you were mandated to drink upon arrival. It was ridiculous. But clearly, Iris was a supportive friend.

Halfway through the party, she met Zac, hanging out by himself on the balcony, smoking a joint and drunk. Within minutes, they were chatting and judging the party like they’d known each other for years. Eventually, they were leaving, heading to La Esquina.

Over margs and queso, Zac lamented about hating his roommate and how he had to find a new place to live. Iris went on and on about scraping by every month in order to afford her two-bedroom, two-bath great find in the West Village. Before she knew it, she was inviting Zac over to see her place; a month later, he had moved in.

He had become such an incredible friend in that time. She loved Zac more than anything. He was sweet and quirky and so sure of himself that finding out he wasn’t completely out to his family was shocking.

Doing this for him was twofold for her. She understood all too well how hard it was to come out to parents who, sure, loved you, but did they like you? But she also knew she needed to do this for herself. Get out of the city, get away from the disappointment on her shelf, and maybe figure out how to trust in the process.

* * *

“Iris?”

She slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times. “Are we there yet?”

“Yeah, dude, you passed the fuck out,” Zac said from the driver’s side of the rental car.

“I think all the stress caught up with me.” She yawned and set the passenger seat upright. “Maybe take it easy on calling me dude too. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. Not your bro.”

“Good call, honey.” He winked, and she flipped him off.

After a whirlwind packing extravaganza, a three-hour delay at the airport, and the worst and most introspective flight she’d ever experienced, they had finally arrived. They were parked in the driveway of a beautiful two-story home. The house was exactly what she pictured when Zac spoke about growing up in Vale Park, Indiana: white with wooden shutters, dormer windows, a white wrap-around porch, still completely lit up with twinkling Christmas lights at eleven o’clock at night. Giant snowflakes fell softly on the windshield. “This looks like a Norman Rockwell painting.” Regardless of her pep-talk-journaling session on the plane, being there and seeing the house filled her with even more dread. As if she had room for more.

“Yeah,” he said softly as he stared up at the house. “My good ol’ dad sure made a lot of money.” A sad sigh punctuated the end of his sentence. She hadn’t heard anything about his dad, except that he was pansexual, so the sigh was a mystery. “Lucky you, you won’t have to meet anyone until morning. Everyone’s asleep. I got a text from Oscar that they were all going to bed and to be quiet when I got home.”

Iris released a huge sigh of relief. “Thank god,” she said with a chuckle. “I am in no condition to meet anyone.”

“Too many in-flight beverages, hmm?”

“Hey, when they say it’s free, I take full advantage.” She opened the door of the white Land Rover Zac had rented and climbed out into the quickly accumulating snow. “When we’re married, will you fly me first class everywhere?”

He let out a puff, and the cold made his breath freeze into a billowy cloud. “Is this how it’s going to be then?”

“I’m playing the part,” she whispered. “Duh.”

“I should have just come alone,” he muttered as he walked up to her, holding both suitcases and wearing her carry-on backpack on his back. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”

“You didn’t have to rent such a nice car, by the way. Or did you do that to impress your family?”

“We needed the four-wheel drive for the snow,” he explained as he started to walk up to the front of the house. He stopped and looked back at her. “And also, because I like to rub it in my brothers’ faces. Neither of them thought I’d ever amount to anything exciting.”

“Aww, Zac,” she said as she stopped and looked at him. “Have you ever considered therapy?” She laughed as she patted his arm. “I can refer you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Come on.” He unlocked the wood-and-glass front door, opened it, and a dog immediately started barking. He rushed into the large foyer, shushing the golden retriever who came trotting to the door. “Maddie, Maddie, it’s just me,” he whispered as the dog started leaping into his arms. He kneeled down and allowed the dog to lick him all over his face as Iris watched with glee from the entryway. “Iris, this is Maddie,” he said as he stood and pulled her into the foyer so he could shut the door.

Iris crouched as well, and Maddie, with her graying face, greeted her with the same enthusiasm. After turning in a few circles, her tail wagging happily, she trotted into a different room and came out carrying a very ratty stuffed dog toy. “Oh, is this your baby?” Iris whispered as Maddie showed off the stuffed dog. “Thank you so much for showing me.” Maddie placed the dog at her feet, and Iris’s heart melted like the snow on the wood floor.

“Oh, that’s big,” Zac said softly. “She doesn’t give her baby to just anyone.”

Iris picked up the stuffed dog, damp with dog saliva, and petted its head. Maddie sat and watched the entire display with pride. She scooted closer to Iris and nudged her hand. “You are adorable,” Iris said as she leaned down and kissed Maddie on top of her soft, furry head. She returned the baby, and Maddie took it, prancing proudly around them.

Zac started to make his way through the dimly lit home, still carrying both suitcases. Maddie accompanied them up the stairs, then up another flight into an attic bedroom.

“This is my room,” Zac said as he turned around, his arms spread out. There were white string lights hung throughout the room, a poster of the 1985 Chicago Bears on one of the walls, vintage vinyls in protective sleeves displayed above an old stereo system, and the flags for Chicago and Poland on the ceiling. He walked over and sat on the bed, where Maddie was already curled up at the end. “And this? This is where themagichappened.”

Iris burst out laughing and immediately covered her mouth. “What magic?” She sat on the bed and bounced a couple times. “Wow, it has real resiliency. A lot of bounce back. I wasn’t expecting that.”

He descended into giggles as he flung himself across the bed. “I can’t believe I’m back here. This is so surreal.” He looked around the room. “I haven’t been home in…” He tallied years on his fingers as he peered up at the ceiling. “Like, eight years?”

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