Page 77 of Sex Ed

‘You shouldn’t do that.’

‘Well, sorry?’

I’m on some strange precipice, wondering if I need to leave her here in her drunken chaotic state so she can sleep this off or find out what’s going on.

‘Maybe you need to worry about you,’ she mutters.

‘What does that mean?’ I ask.

‘This Caitlin girl.’ She rubs her forehead trying to find the words. ‘Do we know enough about her? You’ve kinda jumped into that quite quickly. I think you need to give it time.’

I stop for a moment as the words come out of her mouth. ‘This from someone who was just on a date with a man she met on Tinder…’

Mia eyeballs me, swaying slightly. ‘That was a low blow.’

‘You told me that she’d friend-zone me if I left it any longer. I don’t get where this is coming from?’

‘I just… I just…’ She grabs my face with both hands and looks at me. Naturally, as someone who does not know how to read sexual cues in any way, I panic. Is she trying to have sex with me? Is that why she’s here? I move her hands away.

‘Did you come here for sex?’ I ask.

‘Noooo,’ she says in horror, half-laughing. ‘Ed!’

‘You were looking at me weird…’

‘There’s two of you at the moment in my line of sight. I was trying to focus on you to tell you things.’

‘That I shouldn’t date Caitlin for some reason.’

‘For good reason.’

‘Because if I leave you then you won’t have someone to furnish you with crisps anymore?’

‘It’s more than that…’

‘Mia, you’re not making any sense,’ I explain in clipped tones, moving away to the kitchen to fetch her a glass of water. ‘Drink this. You can sleep it off on the sofa.’

I stand there and she rises to her feet, tears falling from her face, a hand to her chest. The tears make me stop in my tracks.

‘I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re a good man, Ed Rogers, and I… I… care about you. God, I don’t know how to tell you this, I don’t want to be the bad guy in this scenario.’

‘Then let me be with Caitlin. Let me find out for myself and be in a relationship. I’ve never done this before, and I need to just let it happen. You keep telling me that. That I need to learn. So let me do that. Don’t come here in the middle of the night, telling me not to fall in love with someone.’

‘You’re in love with her?’ Mia asks, eyes wide.

‘I think I’m falling in love with her, yes.’

I’ve not said that out loud yet and it feels like a strange relief to be able to admit that, sex aside, I know I have the capacity to love someone and they could possibly love me back. But as I say it, Mia looks at a space behind me where a door opens and I turn to see Caitlin appearing, dressed in one of my T-shirts and just her knickers. I look back at Mia; she looks as though she’s just seen a ghost.

‘I’m sorry. Did we wake you?’ I ask her, smiling at her dishevelled hair.

I watch as Mia and Caitlin engage in a moment of evil stares.

‘Mia needed a place to crash,’ I explain.

Caitlin nods. ‘Sure…’

‘Let me sort her out and I’ll come back to bed. I’m so sorry.’

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