Page 78 of Sex Ed

She nods, takes her leave and I watch as Mia stands there staring at the closed door.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you had company. I can go…’ Mia mumbles, grabbing her bag and heading to the door, wiping the tears from her face.

‘Mia, it’s late. Let me at least make sure you’re safe and get you an Uber,’ I say, stepping towards her.

‘I got this far on my own, I will be fine,’ she says, and I’m taken aback by the curtness in her tone. As she gets to the front door, she turns to look back at me. ‘So you slept with her?’

I nod, unable to contain my smile. ‘I was so bloody anxious this morning, but I followed your advice. Don’t try to plan or script it out, just invite her round for a drink. Let it happen… And it did…’ I say, hoping my relief will erase any words said a few moments ago. ‘And it was everything, it really was.’

Mia closes her eyes for a moment and shakes her head. ‘It all went OK?’

‘It did,’ I say, confused.

‘I have to go then,’ she whispers.

‘Mia?’ I say, one last time trying to work out why she’s here, why she’s come here so late in the middle of the night, why she is so quietly devastated. ‘I don’t get why you’re so sad.’

‘I’m just drunk. I have to go. I love you, Eddie. Know that, always.’

SEVENTEEN

MIA

You have questions, I know. Why didn’t I just tell him, there and then? I could have sat in the bar, like some French spy, and covertly taken pictures of Caitlin and Tommy and sent them to Ed. I could have burst into that flat and spoken the truth.I saw that cow with Tommy. I saw him feel up her arse. I saw them kiss.And when Caitlin appeared from Ed’s bedroom, I could have rugby tackled her to the floor and pulled her hair and used my bad nails to do some real damage. But I didn’t. I’m not good in emotionally complicated situations like that.

Instead, I saw Caitlin and Tommy in that bar. I saw them leave. I ordered a bottle of wine trying to work out what to do. I turned to a group in that bar celebrating their mate’s 50thbirthday to ask for advice. I got so drunk that I ran to Ed’s flat. It’s the longest I’ve ever run since school. I’m surprised my lungs didn’t tell me to fuck off.

But when I got there, I lost my nerve, which I hope you know is unlike me. I tried to drip feed him what I knew. I tried to play it from a different angle.It’s too soon… do you really know her well enough?Part of me heard him speak of his desire to work out all of this love stuff for himself, how I needed to take a step back. But there was a part of me that also got really emosh. I didn’t want to hurt him. I never want to see him hurt. The final nail in that coffin was Caitlin appearing like some unholy apparition at the door. What an absolute bitch. How did she get here so fast? She was snogging Tommy only six hours ago.

But they slept together. And because that moment was everything to Ed, I couldn’t tell him. I just couldn’t. So I said nothing.

I’ve still said nothing. I jumped in a taxi to get home. I fell asleep on the back seat. I threw up in my kitchen sink and woke up in my housemate’s bed. I didn’t sleep with my housemate. I just got lost. In my own house. And since then, I’ve questioned everything a million times over. Why didn’t I just go for her? I should’ve launched myself at Caitlin like some sort of demonic wildcat. But I didn’t. I’m not sure why.

‘Miss! Miss! I don’t get this one – can I leave this question blank?’

I focus my attention back to my classroom where my first English class of the day are doing some sort of fun quiz activity that I downloaded off the internet to fill the time and to ensure I had a quiet half hour to let my head adjust to this Monday morning. I’d like to say they’re all engaged in it but there’s a row of them in the back with their phones out.

‘Yep, just leave it blank. Lola, Brooke and Chrissie – I hope you’re not using your phones to cheat?’ I call out to the back of the room. I take the long walk down there to perch on the edge of their desks, a quick glance at their phones telling me that my fun crosswords are not on their minds.

‘Are you shopping?’ I ask them.

‘Prom dresses, Miss. What do you think of this one?’ Lola asks, holding up her phone to show me a red off-the shoulder number with an eye-watering price tag. ‘Turns out Zara in 11P has exactly the same dress as me, no joke, so I have like two months to find a new one.’

She also has important life exams in the next months, so I’m glad this takes priority. I haven’t really chatted to Lola much since she came to The Hub to tell me about her relationship problems but I’m glad she’s still standing and there were no reports that came into me about any incidents of lunchtime fights.

‘The red is a statement,’ I say, looking over the dress again, thinking about how it’s the same price as my monthly rent.

‘I need to make a statement,’ she tells me.

Naturally, I want to dig. You want to make that statement because someone stole your man or because you’re still with that man and need to tell people to back off? Either way, I like the commitment, the chutzpah of this young soul.

‘Then the red reads fire. Don’t mess,’ I say, winking. The bell goes. ‘All, keep the quizzes. I hope they were useful. I will see you all tomorrow.’

I hear the usual scraping of chairs, the shuffle of feet, the moans and groans of having to take on another week as everyone starts to filter out of the room and I follow them out, mentally going through my day, thinking about my lunch later. Like the kids, I also have my priorities.

‘Can we all keep on the left, please?’

I hear Caitlin’s voice first, engaging in the impossible task of trying to do a bit of crowd control in these corridors but as soon as I see her, I stop for a moment to glare. I can’t read that feeling coursing through my veins at the moment, but I know it’s making me boil over like a bullock seeing red.

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