Page 55 of Sex Ed

‘Hi!’

There is something different about Ed as he stands there at the front door of his flat. I look down to the floor. Usually, he has old man slippers on but today he’s barefoot, his shirt is untucked, I don’t think he’s even combed his hair. It’s an Ed I approve of, he looks lighter, more comfortable in his own skin.

‘YOU HAD SEX WITH HER!’ I shout, just as a neighbour is returning to their flat across the hallway. He grabs my arm and pulls me inside, putting a hand in the air to apologise to the elderly lady smirking.

‘No, I didn’t,’ he replies, sternly.

‘I brought you bagels,’ I reply, handing him a paper bag. If this sounds kind then it’s not, they’re for me because I haven’t had breakfast. ‘Then why aren’t you wearing slippers? You always wear slippers.’

‘We kissed,’ he tells me excitedly, walking through to the kitchen, his voice almost fizzing with excitement. ‘We actually kissed.’

There is a skip and hop to his step and I smile to see that one kiss can make him light up in such a way, how it relaxes his shoulders and makes his skin glow. As we walk into the kitchen, that same light floods the kitchen and I watch as he gets out his bread board to make me breakfast. I like how well trained he is.

‘That was the huge emergency you texted me about at seven in the morning? Nice…’

‘It’s exciting!’ he tells me. The last time I saw him this revved up was when we had coloured paper clips in the supply cupboard.

‘So, a question… Why aren’t you in her kitchen then, makingherbreakfast? What happened after the kiss?’

‘She smiled and I didn’t want to overstep so we had tea and then we kissed again when I left and then I went home,’ he tells me, still floating around his kitchen to tell me the details.

‘And had a wank?’ I enquire.

‘So romantic… I didn’t want to rush it. It was such a nice evening, I helped her sort some things in her house. We have so much in common… she’s so nice…’

He puts a hand to the kettle and stares at the kitchen wall. If it were me, I’d have nailed any potential love interest on the kitchen table but then he isn’t me and I like the innocent joy in his face.

‘Lordy, you’ve got the love bugs. Look at you,’ I tease him.

He snaps out of his trance. ‘I do not! What’s the love bugs?’

‘It’s something my mum used to say when we’d meet a boy and come back all googly-eyed, not stop talking about them and start writing their names everywhere…’

‘You’ve had them before then?’

‘I got nits once from a fella with Jesus hair I shagged at a festival.’

Ed laughs and it’s a relief and a joy to hear that sound, to hear it sound so authentic and genuine. He grabs a bread knife, throwing a bagel in the air and catching it before slicing it in half. Never mind the joy, it’s the confidence that makes me smile.

‘I don’t really know what to do next, though? I didn’t want to run straight into the sex thing. Should I take her out on a date?’ he asks me.

‘You’re asking me?’

‘Yeah. Because you know these things, right?’ he tells me.

‘Ed, I know sex. Ask me anything you want about that. But I’ve never had a cute relationship thing like what you’re describing to me. Most of my relationships have been born from drunkenly meeting people in pubs.’

‘Oh,’ he says, looking slightly alarmed. It is true. I met one boyfriend on the night bus as I was trying to steal his chips. My relationship history isn’t romantic meet-cutes in cafes, putting furniture together and feeding each other spaghetti. It’s messy and raucous. I can’t quite bear to see Ed’s face though, like that was how he’d always imagined love to be. I can’t shit on that, can I?

I go up to him and put a reassuring arm around his shoulder as he fills a cafetiere to make us coffee. ‘Listen, I’ve watched enough romcoms though to tell you that a date probably comes next so she can get to know you and gauge your sincerity. Something in public that’s fun and will require a slight level of proximity.’

‘I was thinking cinema?’ he suggests.

‘Nope, sitting in the dark for two hours saying nothing?’

‘Laser tag?’

‘Are you twelve?’ I jest. ‘There’s a cool pub I’ll send you details for. You can hire pool tables, it’s got good chicken wings, nice vibes. You can play pool, yes?’

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