Page 21 of Fighting the Darkness

I know I should apologize and tell her she isn’t a burden to me. But isn’t this better? I can watch her from afar since I’m sure she’s planning to come to the club again. She seems to have hit it off with Quinn and Vicki. As much as I tell her she can’t come back to The Guillotine, I know there isn’t anything I can do to keep her away.

Yes, this is the way it has to be. Freya needs to hate me. I deserve all of her hate and rage.

Pushing to my feet, I head into my office. I sigh as my eyes flash over the mess spilling everywhere. I’m not the cleanest of guys to begin with, but add in the desperation I’ve been feeling as I try to figure out who killed my best friend, I’ve let things get out of control.

I know that it was the Fitzgeralds who had Freyr and Freya kidnapped, and as good of a fighter as I am, I know there’s no way I can go up against Seamus Fitzgerald and the rest of his organization. But there are two things I’m hoping to do in my investigation. The first is to find out who pulled the trigger of the gun that killed my best friend. The second is to find something I can use to convince Seamus that it would be in his best interest to never attempt to nab Freya again.

He’s assured Freya’s dad that he has no intentions of kidnapping her again. He says that Erik has learned his lesson, but excuse me for not taking a mobster at his word.

I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure she’s safe. If that means putting myself in danger, then so be it. If it means making her hate me, then I’m prepared for that.

After all, it’s what Freyr would have wanted.

Chapter Ten

Freya

Ican’tbreathe.

I claw at the hands wrapped around my throat, but they’re too strong. I can’t make them stop.

My hand swipes across their face, pulling the mask free, and for the first time, I see the monster.

Black dots flicker to life at the edge of my vision, and I know I’m done for. This is it.

Then the person is gone, no weight holding me down as I gasp for air.

What happened? I don’t understand.

BANG!

I wake with a start, a silent scream on my lips as I gasp for breath and my entire body shakes—not just from the nightmare, but also from the cold. It takes me longer than it should to realize I’m in Freyr’s bathtub. No wonder my body aches. It’s not exactly the comfiest place to take a nap.

I climb out of the bathtub, wondering if these nightmares will ever end. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on if I have to keep remembering the worst day of my life over and over again in my dreams—my nightmares.

I cross my arms over my body, clinging to myself as I come to a stop in front of the mirror.

I’m a fucking mess. My skin is so pale it’s almost translucent. My eyes are haunted as they stare back at me, and my hair is a matted mess. The worst part of all of that? I can’t find it in myself to care. In fact, the only reason my appearance matters to me is how others will react.

Everyone tells me over and over again that I have to get over this—that I have to move on with my life. I’m supposed to find some way to live without my twin, but what I can’t understand is why.

Why should I have to live without Freyr?

Maybe I’m not meant to live without him.

Maybe I was the one supposed to die that day, and that’s why I can’t get over it.

Maybe it would be better if I ended it all now.

Only then could I be at Freyr’s side once more.

My lip curls up at the corner as I realize this must be why I’ve been unable to move past his death. His soul is calling to me from the other side, and my soul is just trying to reach him so we can be together again.

The fates seem to be punishing me left and right, don’t they? I’m depressed because I’m not supposed to be here. My soul knows I’m not meant for this world without Freyr beside me. I can’t live without him. We’re twins—two parts of one soul.

Of course, I can’t survive without him.

There’s only one way I can be whole again.

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