Page 22 of Fighting the Darkness

I wince as something bites into my wrist. Glancing down with a frown, I realize there’s a razor blade poised over my wrist, the edge cutting into my skin. I watch a bead of blood bubble to the surface before sliding down my arm with an odd sense of detachment.

I’m not sure where the razor blade came from or how it came about being in my hand, but it’s the answer to everything, isn’t it? It would be so easy to end it all right now.

I could slit my wrist right now and just go to sleep, never to wake up again in this world. Based upon the feeling of the blade digging into my wrist, it will probably hurt, but I have so many medications in my room right now that I know I could make it painless. Then I really could just go to sleep and float into the afterlife.

But no, I deserve the pain. Freyr left this world in pain and blood, so I must go the same way. It’s only fair.

No one would miss me—not really. Vicki and Quinn have only known me for a few days. They might be sad that they missed out on the opportunity to know Freyr’s sister better, but it’ll be easy for them to get over it.

I let my mind drift to Wilder and my parents, realizing my death would probably come as a relief to them. After all, the wrong child had lived. They’d be better off if we were both gone so they didn’t have to pretend like they weren’t disappointed that I was the one who lived. And Wilder wouldn’t have to “save me” from myself or whatever it was he was thinking the other night.

It would be better for everyone if I was just gone.

Lifting my eyes, I stare at my reflection once more. The girl before me is so broken that I barely recognize her as myself.

There’s only one time I can remember ever coming close to looking or feeling this broken, and I find myself sinking into the memory.

Sobbing on my bed, I can’t believe how pathetic I am. How had I let Trevor fool me for so long? We’d been dating for almost a year and sleeping together for at least half that. He’s my first boyfriend and a year older. We started dating at the end of my junior year—his senior year. When he agreed to keep seeing me when he went away to college, I’d been ecstatic. Obviously, we were meant to be, and he was the man I was going to marry.

It had been a few weeks since he’d been able to get back to Westwood, so I figured I’d head to the college to surprise him. It’s only a two-hour drive each way.

I decided not to tell him so I could surprise him, showing him what a good girlfriend I am. Only, he wasn’t the only one who was surprised.

He gave me a key to his apartment when he went away so if I came to visit, I could come and go as I pleased. I don’t know if he forgot that fact or what, but I walked in on him balls deep inside some chick while another rode his face.

I’d been so angry, I’d seen red. I screamed and threw shit at him as the girls hurried out. I ignored them because it wasn’t them I was angry with. No, it was all Trevor.

I’ve always hated people who immediately blame the girl for the guy cheating. They may have known he wasn’t single, but maybe they didn’t. Either way, it was his decision to cheat. I’d left him with bruised balls and a bloody nose.

Anger soared through me the entire drive home, but as soon as I made it to my bedroom, I’d collapsed on my bed. The tears came shortly after.

My door swings open, and I hear a sigh of relief before it shuts again.

“There you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” The bed dips beneath Freyr’s weight as he sits, pulling me into his arms almost immediately. “I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell what. You weren’t answering your phone, and no one knew where you were. What’s going on, Eya?”

I smile through my tears at the childhood nickname. It’s been years since he called me that. The smile quickly falls away as I cling to my brother.

“I went to surprise Trevor. Except I’m the one who got a surprise when I found him fucking not one but two other women.” I shake my head. “Was I not enough for him? I thought he was the one.”

Freyr scoffs. “Yeah, that asshole was never going to be anything except the one who broke your heart. I tried to warn you.”

I pull up long enough to glare at him, my hand slapping against his chest. “This is not the time to say I told you so.”

“Of course not. I’m sorry, Eya. Do you want me to go kick his ass? I can put him in the hospital if you want.”

I giggle at that, the tears slowing. “No need. I bruised his balls and then gave him a bloody nose.”

“That’s my girl.” Freyr smiles, leaning forward to kiss my forehead before he grows serious. “I know this is your first heartbreak, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. As much as I’d like to protect you from that kind of hurt, I can’t. So instead, I’m going to tell you this.

“You’re meant to live a long, happy life, Freya. You’re the light in my life, and I don’t know what I would do without you. Never let anyone destroy that part of you. Don’t let them take away your light—my light. People are always willing to hurt others for their selfish needs, but that doesn’t mean you have to become like them. You’re stronger than you know. It might hurt now, but it will always get better. Promise me, you’ll always keep fighting.”

I wipe my face as I nod. “For you, I’ll always keep fighting.”

A sob wrenches through me as I throw the razor blade away from me.

I fall to the floor, my knees no longer able to hold me. I lay there on the cold floor, sobbing as I realize what I’d almost done.

There would be no coming back from killing myself, and that’s not what Freyr would want from me.

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