Page 54 of Slayer

“Of course.” I give a weak smile, but I've got no problem with him seeing my reluctance. I want him to see that I'll give him whatever he wants regardless of how I feel about it. “Come up to my room with me, you can grab your pyjamas and toothbrush. When you're settled in bed, I'll bring you a night cap.”

“Is that a trick question or are you offering me alcohol?” Porter frowns.

“No to both. A nightcap is a drink of warm milk. I make a mean hot chocolate.”

Maybe mean wasn't the right word there.

“Thanks.”

I head upstairs silently and bitterly disappointed. I don't want him to choose me for his sister, I want him to choose me for himself, but he is too selfless for that.

thirty-seven

Porter

WakingupwithoutKnoxfeels terrible after the day we spent together. The room is large, and the bed is comfortable, but it doesn't have Knox in it. I miss him, and I'm going to miss his house if I go. Which is ironic on the day I have to choose.

He's offered me everything I want if I stay, and everything I need if I go. Which has only made this decision ten times harder to make. I almost hate him for the talk yesterday, for making leaving sound so appealing. Going home to Mum's house terrifies me after living here. Having to look after Mum again instead of making her better in rehab would be cruel to both of us. Going back to work with Vince sneering and leering, after seeing how good real bad boys do, it revolts me.

And then he offers me a dance studio, my own flat, and all the money I need. I want that. I really want that. But I also want this.

A gentle knock draws me from my covers.

“Mr Ellis.” Gladys calls. “Are you ready for breakfast sir?”

“Oh!” I'm awake, of course, but she's always called me poppet. Mr Ellis sounds too formal, too final. Like the arrangement is over and I'm no longer welcome here.

“Mr Ellis?”

“Yes, please, come in.”

The door opens and Gladys enters with a tray. “Sorry, poppet. There's no pulley service in this room.”

“Poppet,” I gasp with relief.

“Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. I should never have presumed. It won't happen again.” Gladys becomes quite flustered.

“No, please. I much prefer that to Mr Ellis.”

“I just wanted to make you feel welcome, so you'd stick around,” Gladys smiles. “You are going to stick around, aren't you, poppet?”

“Does Mr Thayer have lots of boys that decide not to stick around?” My throat tightens as I process her words, making me very aware of how exposed my neck is without that collar on.

“Goodness, no. He never brings anyone home. That's why we're all so excited to have you here.”

“Is he still in bed?”

“He's still in his room, yes. But he prefers to eat by the window. A gentle start to the morning, taking tea and toast in front of the deer.”

“It sounds like a lovely way to start the day.”

“Well, I'm no romantic, but I recon company would make the morning start a whole lot better.” Gladys gives me a nod before hurrying out.

Damn it. I want breakfast beside the window, watching the deer munching in the morning mist. I grab the tray and hurry out behind her.

Knocking on Knox's door sounds more like falling down the stairs, but it gets him opening up.

“Good God, boy. I thought you'd fallen down the stairs.”

---