Page 55 of Slayer

“Sorry. Gladys managed it and didn't sound like she was dying.”

“Yeah, well you have the grace of a gazumping elephant…” Knox takes the tray from my hands. “How do you dance like an angel and walk like an elephant?”

“I just close my eyes and…”

His lips press into mine; his hands grab my head. Heaven only knows what he did with the tray, I didn't see a thing.

“Sorry. Look at me keeping you in the hall when the tea is getting cold.” Knox pulls back from me, leaving me flustered and breathless. “Come in.”

“I'm sorry. I don't know why I came.”

“Of course you do,” Knox corrects me, seeming to know my mind better than I do. Again. “My view is better.”

He takes my tray from the side over to the table and I follow like the lost sheep I am.

“What happens now?”

“Usually, I eat my toast while the deer work their way across the view, if you'd like to join me.” Knox pulls out my chair for me, tucking me in as I sit.

“I meant about us. When does the agreement end?”

“Whenever you decide. Stay, go, change your mind six times. It's all down to you now.”

“Just like that, I'm free to go?” I question suspiciously. It can't be that easy.

“Yes.” Knox bites into his toast. “I've shown you what I can offer you. You know what you have to go back to. I will respect any decision you make. If you want to go home and think about it, be my guest.”

“I'm surprised you're not telling me what I want,” I tease. I don't miss the fact he hasn't mentioned the dance studio option.

“I know what you want. You want to go home to that dump you call a house, where you already know you're going to hate it. You already know you'll be back within a week, but you need to go to prove you want to come back.”

“Am I that predictable?” The fact he knows me so well should be a good thing, but I'm so confused by my own feelings. I do need to go home, just so I can think away from here. He's right about how much I want to come back before I even leave though.

“It's human nature. Change is easier to process in familiar surroundings.”

“Do you mind?” I ask nervously. His calm detached behaviour has me on edge.

“Of course not. Do you want to go straight home or after dinner?”

“Lunch time dinner?” I don't fancy the idea of considering my options when it's dark and depressing.

“Just tell me when you are ready to go,” he offers in that frustrating way. He knows I won't. I need him to tell me what to do. I want him to tell me what to do.

“Never?” I whisper anxiously.

“Never, for now?” he suggests. Giving me a look that has my hackles rising. Like changing my mind will always be an option. Like I'm just some flutter brained bimbo. That's not what I need. I need the man he was when I first came here. I need him to own me.

“I'm going to put you in a hood and fuck you over the bed while I watch the news.” The abrupt change in conversation has my jaw dropping, but I quickly recover.

“Is that to help me clarify my life, or stop me hearing about the world outside?”

“It might help you decide without the external pressures.”

“Wouldn't that only make me think about how good your cock is?”

“Or to teach you that your days of being a gobby brat are behind you.”

I shrug. It's not like he's giving me a choice. It's not like I want a choice.

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