Page 53 of Defining Us

“Like I just crawled into your arms like this. Yeah, right.” Her voice isn’t that convinced, a little unsteady in her words.

“Well, I would never take advantage of you or anyone when they’re drunk, and I’m offended if you think I would. So yeah, you did just crawl into my arms.”

Nat isn’t sure what to say or do. This is my one chance to lay it on the line.

“Did I enjoy it? Damn right I did. Do I wish you meant for it to happen? Absolutely! But I read you loud and clear last night, Natalie. That’s not what you want. Friends is your choice, and I can respect that. So, after you vomited your heart out and were upset, then I was more than happy to comfort you. And since you’re still here, right now I don’t hear you complaining.”

Her hands straight away come to my chest to push me away, but I’m all over that, just holding her tighter than before.

“No, not this time, Nat. You don’t get to just push me away until we finally talk about this properly. Get it out. Tell me everything inside that head of yours so that the next time we meet as friends it won’t be like this. Our hearts are screaming to be together, but our heads are telling them no, and the storm is landing us somewhere in the middle of that.” I can feel the strength of her hands on my chest getting weaker and her body softening again, and I’m thankful for once she’s listening and that stubborn, sassy woman is backing down.

“It just can’t be, Jordan. You have a life to live that can never involve me that way. I’m just a small-town girl and you are about to become a big-city boy. I will never be the one to hold you back in any way, shape, or form. I mean, take last night. You’re hot property and that is only ever going to increase the more popular you get in your career. Plus, there’s Xavier, he is always going to be the elephant in the room. Neither of us want to lose him, and if we got together and it didn’t last, he would have to choose. I won’t do that to him.”

Finally, I’m hearing the truth here in black and white as she continues to talk. There are all the reasons why we can’t do this. But the funny thing is that not once has she said it’s because she doesn’t feel that way about me or that I’ve done anything wrong by her.

I want to say that and push harder, but there’s no point.

Natalie made up her mind on the night two years ago, and nothing has changed.

“Okay, Natalie, friends it is. But can you do me one favor?” My heart is beating hard and my body is reacting to having her so close, where we are almost one. She looks at me like I’m about to ask for the world.

“Just stay lying with me for a while, so I can remember what this feels like.” My voice is gentle and almost like I’m pleading with her.

“Only a few minutes,” Nat says, and I can’t help but laugh.

“That’s what I said last night.”

“Me too,” she mumbles and then lets out a little giggle which I’m guessing is at her own joke.

This time she looks back up at me with those big round eyes that look less scared and more emotional.

She knows this is it, just like I do.

“One last time.” My mouth lowers toward her as she is rising to me.

“Yeah, one last time and then we move on.”

I can’t answer her when my lips are on hers and I’m giving her everything I can, taking what she wants to give.

A last kiss.

This is it, the defining moment.

Forever friends.

A Further Two Years Later

I’m driving along the back roads out of town, just taking some time on my own. I know I should have told everyone I was home and do the rounds of catching up with friends, but the nerves of next week have overwhelmed me. I came home to try to center myself with the potential options that will come in the NFL draft and how I feel about them. I’m fairly certain I’ll be picked up by one of the NFL teams, but stranger things have happened.

Packing up my dorm room, now that I’m finally finished at college, was easy. Lots of memories there, but I’m ready to move on. Time to find out if this is my chosen life or if the last four years of playing football at college have been for nothing. I mean at least I walked away with an arts degree, which really means I just picked a random collection of subjects and learned some general knowledge. Not sure it’s what my parents wanted me to do when they said to choose a degree that I could fall back on when football doesn’t work out for me as a profession.

Man, I so want to prove them wrong.

I spoke to Xavier a few days ago, and like usual, he is my biggest supporter. Yeah, he’s happy to blow smoke up my ass, but he also helps me to break it down and settle me. By the time we got to fourth year at college, we didn’t see each other that often, although there were plenty of FaceTime calls. Sometimes when you really didn’t want to see the person on the other end, because they’re drunk and making a dick of themselves. Mainly Xav, but there were times I was letting off some steam and repaid the favor. The last twelve months we all had to make sure we studied hard and completed our degrees. I know I want the life of the NFL, but you need a back-up plan. That’s the smart thing to do.

I spoke to Xav before I headed home, so I know he’s off on a trip with his college buddies, you know, the last big hurrah. I declined a similar invitation from my teammates. I just wasn’t feeling it.

We’re already starting to get a few hot days as we head into the end of April. Summer is just around the corner, and you can feel it in the air, along with the occasional afternoon storm that rolls off the mountain. Today is going to be one of those days. The sun has just set, and the air is still warm. Driving along, with my truck windows down and my arm on the sill, I can feel some of the tension starting to shift. The simple things are sometimes all you need to remind you who you are and where you come from.

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