Page 74 of Resistant

“So, tell me what you are feeling, so I can fix it.”

“You can’t fix broken.”

“Pretty sure I can.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because Angel, you have fixed me. So, tell me what’s going on.”

The confusion must show on my face because he smirks.

“How could you not know that, Brynn? How could you not know how desperate I was? This conversation is for another time. Today, this is about what’s going on in your head, not mine. Tell me.”

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m too happy. And I feel guilty because I should be with my husband. I don’t know where my children are, and what they might be suffering…”

“Brynn, do you believe your children want you to suffer needlessly when you can be happy?”

I shake my head, unable to answer him with words.

“Sweetheart, do you think your husband would want you to go through all this alone, lonely, and lost?”

Again, I shake my head as the hot tears roll down my face.

“Then why are you putting these parameters around yourself? Every moment we have is precious to me because I don’t know if I’ll be given the next one.”

My breath shudders out of my chest. And I can see Wyatt in my mind’s eye agreeing with what Declan has said, and my walls shatter. They shatter so fast the breath is knocked out of me. Declan reaches for me again. I can feel his voice rumbling through his chest, but I’m not catching any words. I breathe, and I wait for the panic to subside.

“I didn’t like today, Declan. I don’t know how to define what we’re doing, and I don’t know what your expectations are. So, I thought a step back would help me figure it out. But today, today was not a good day. I didn’t like the distance, and I don’t know what the right answer is, but I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

“How did today make you feel Angel?”

“Like I lost my best friend, except he was standing in front of me the whole time.” My breath hitches again, and the hiccups assault me, and I can’t breathe let alone talk around them.

The devastation I created with my own stupidity rolls through me. I feel the utter panic rising in my chest. Declan hugs me tighter and waits me out. I cry for myself. I cry for the life I lost. I cry for my children. I cry for the pain I’ve caused Declan. And I cry because sometimes I’m an idiot. Pathetic and scared because someone has opened up to me andI feel again.

“I’m sorry Brynn. I didn’t want to make you feel badly, but I ached for you all day. And I don’t know if I can touch you, have intimate moments with you, and notbewith you. I’m strong, but you are my weakness. I need you to talk to me and tell me I’m being a douchebag.”

I laugh at this. I laugh so hard that my side aches. When I catch my breath and look at him, he’s smiling with a hint of a smirk. And it occurs to me, I brought this entire mess on myself because I haven’t been talking to him. We talk, but I don’t share, and this sobers me up pretty quickly.

“I should have talked to you about when these feelings started creeping up. I don’t know why I’m so afraid. I never used to be afraid.”

His palms cup my cheeks, and he pulls me in close, so close I can’t avoid looking into his eyes. I can’t hide from him this close, and he’s forcing me to see him, truly see him.

“Angel, it’s going to take more than a hot minute to heal. I know it’s hard to trust again when everything has been taken away. I’ve done my fair share of damage, so let’s not go down this road. Everybody fucks up once in a while. Remember this conversation when I royally fuck things up. It’s only a matter of time.”

“So, I guess this leaves me with one burning question.”

“What’s that Angel?”

“What do you want from this, what are your expectations?”

His gaze is unwavering, assessing my face. I see concern, and heat, and for a moment I think I see fear flash across his eyes.

“I don’t know if you are ready to hear what I want from you, Angel. But I can be clear, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m a stubborn asshole, and right now, more than anything I want you with me. If it means we take a step back, we do. But to be clear, when we leave this camp with Knox, we need to be a united front. And that means we show him no weakness. Because he will take advantage in any way he can. And while I wouldn’t mind bashing his teeth in and beating his head against the concrete, we need him at least for a little while. And until we don’t need him, he cannot reach you, and he cannot reach me. You hear me, Brynn? You cannot let him get in your head.”

I nod at him. But I have no words. I hadn’t even considered Knox might use my own confusion to his advantage. But Declan is right, he’s a master manipulator. And I can’t forget it. Ever.

“As far as defining what we are, we don’t have to put a label on it, especially if that makes you uneasy. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, we only have right now. So, I’m not too concerned with labels and definitions. Except for one.”

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