Page 29 of Azriel

“Mmhm.”

Vali’s stomach sank. He’d had it so easy here despite his ugliness.

Azriel sounded like he tried to hold back a sob. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“If you want me to leave, I will.”

“What? No. I’m not going to kick you out, and I don’t even care about a blowjob that much.”

“I have bad days sometimes, and it’s not fair to you. I can’t even have sex when I’m like this, and I’m useless.” Azriel started sobbing.

“Hey, sit up for a second.” Vali put an arm around him. “You’re not useless, and I don’t care about the sex.”

“But that’s all I’m g-good for.”

“No, you’re not. Who the fuck told you that?” Azriel sniffled and stared down at the blanket as he leaned against Vali who stroked his messy hair back. “If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine, but you’re not useless and only good for sex. If you have bad days, that’s allowed too. What do you want to do when you have a bad day?”

“Sleep.”

He must have used that as an escape. Vali had him lay down, and he wrapped his arms around the angel and stroked one of his folded wings. He better not ever complain again about having orange hair when other beings didn’t even know what peacetime was.

He remembered melancholy or depression was the word for those who were sad a lot, except it was more than simply being upset over something. He wasn’t sure what to do about it. Probably being away from the cause if possible was one thing, but that didn’t solve the actual problem. Human men who weren’t the same anymore after war went home and weren’t fighting, but they were still depressed.

He wasn’t sure if feeling useless was a symptom or not, and thinking he was only good for sex didn’t sit right with Vali. Maybe it was because he came from a realm where everyone had to feed.

Azriel quieted and fell asleep against him. Vali smoothed his hair and ran a finger across his horns to feel the ridges every couple of inches or so. If he lowered his head enough and charged someone, he could probably run someone through. Then again, that might hurt his neck and head, and who wanted a person impaled on their horns?

Staying in a room and only having limited access to the rest of the house wouldn’t be good for him in the long run. He needed a way to get outside so he could have fresh air and sunlight. Vali doubted that was a cure for depression, but it was better than being cooped up so much.

If Vali was going to eventually move, maybe Azriel would too. He’d have to ask Mr. Lambin if Azriel could actually be accepted in the fairy world. At least there, everyone wouldn’t run away screaming or think he was a heavenly angel despite the horns and start asking for blessings.

But first, maybe he should bring Azriel outside at some point. It would have to be at night, but he could still have a change of scenery.

Vali only eased himself out of bed to go piss and grab a book since he couldn’t stare at the wall for hours or go to sleep himself. When he got comfortable again, Azriel cuddled against him and slept while Vali read.

It was nice to have touch that wasn’t sexual.

Azriel didn’t wake up when Vali snuck out of bed again because his stomach was growling. He ate a hasty lunch and went back up because he didn’t like leaving the angel alone. He’d probably spent too much time alone and in his head before.

Azriel woke up when Vali wrapped his arms around him. “You’re still here.”

“Yeah. I don’t mind if you’re sleeping, and I don’t want to leave you alone either.”

Azriel was quiet for a few seconds. “I used to have a lover. He never wanted to stay when I had bad days.”

“Ohhh.” Vali squeezed him. He could guess how that went: he hung around for sex and the good times, and he ran off when Azriel was down. “He sounds like an asshole, so he can go fuck himself. I’m not going to leave you all alone when you’re having a bad day unless you actually want to be alone. If I’m annoying, you can tell me to fuck off.”

“No, I like this.” Azriel hesitated. “Would you read to me?”

“What do you want to hear?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Vali read out loud from where he’d left off in the book while Azriel dozed on and off. When Vali said he had to go cook dinner, he gave Azriel a big hug.

“I’ll be back, but if you want to wash up, I’d do it now.”

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