Page 89 of Lust

“I am.” I lean in to hug her. “I’m embarrassed and more than a little sore, but I’m good.”

Across the table Juliette snorts. “I bet you are. Okay, moment of truth. We all know he’s an asshole, and it was a one-time thing and it’s going to be never talked about again after this morning, but I gotta know, babe. Was he any good?”

I push the eggs to one side and press my forehead down to the table as I feel my cheeks flame. “It was really good.”

“Really good?”

I look up through the hair that’s escaped my headband. “I actually said the f word when I came.” I feel the mortification in my very soul as I admit to Juliette and Quinn the one thing that I didn’t want to admit to myself. I’ve been going over all the reasons that it was awful and there were way too many to count, that I didn’t give myself a chance to think about the one reason it wasn’t awful. Because it felt amazing. It felt natural and above anything else. For the first time in my life, sex felt perfectly normal.

“Dade was amazing too.” Quinn finally says. “And that’s turned into a nightmare. What is it with us? Why can’t we just find nice guys and be normal without all the drama?”

“It’s not possible,” I reply. “Why do you think I’ve kept away from men for so long? Tell us what’s happening with you two. We thought you hated him again.”

“He kidnapped me,” she sighs, “and we tried to escape from Hell and…”

“Hold up.” Juliette puts her hand out. “He kidnapped you? Jeez, I really do feel like the boring one today.”

“Yeah, well we almost got caught by demons. Dade flew me back to my room and we did it.”

“Was it awful?” I ask. “You’ve had a face like a slapped bottom since you got here. It’s the only thing that made me able to tell you by sob story. Sorry.”

She gives me a wry smile. “It was perfect and amazing and oh, exactly how I thought it would be, but that’s not the problem.” She picks up a muffin and begins to pull out the raisins. “Someone saw us where we shouldn’t be. Or should I say they saw Dade. They issued an alert for him. I think he’s going to be thrown out of the games.”

“But they didn’t see you?” I question.

Quinn shrugs. “I guess not. The alert was only for Dade. He asked me to get back with Remy to throw suspicion away from me.”

I scrunch up my nose. “That’s a shitty thing to ask you to do. You’re not going to do it, right?”

“Remy told me that he didn’t care if I was out of the games or not when he thought I was Candice,” she admits. “My getting thrown out is just collateral damage to him.”

I blow out a long breath. “I knew he was an asshole.”

Juliette nods. “Yeah. Me too. So, what are you going to do?”

“I can’t win,” Quinn says emphatically. “Either I get back with Remy and lead him on, which makes me a deplorable ass, or I don’t and then more than likely end up wherever Dade is being tortured for a billion years.”

There’s a long silence before Juliette breaks it. “Fuck Remy!”

Quinn snorts sadly. “After last night, that’s the very last thing I want to do.”

43

NOT A MONSTER

QUINN

Ibarely ate any of the muffins at breakfast, but that doesn’t stop the little I did eat from churning in my stomach. Even before I slept with Dade, I was ready to throw in the towel with Remy. Dade just hammered in the point that Remy and I aren’t meant to be together.

And oh, how he hammered in that point.

My Hell Cell beeps, and for a second my treacherous heart hopes its Dade. It isn’t. It’s a group message from Noémi telling all the contestants to head down to the Atrium for yet another meeting.

I look at my reflection in the mirror. My face is red and splotchy, my eyes still teary. I splash water on my face, trying to regain composure. Dade asked me for two favors before he left this morning: to draw a map of the lower floor from memory and to pretend to date Remy. I'm about to break both promises. I can't recall the map well, and I can't summon any interest in pretending to be with Remy, even if it's just for show. I'm not willing to endure that, not even to avoid torture. Just the idea of faking a relationship with Remy feels like its own kind of torture. I've made up my mind. I'll go downstairs and confess to Noémi that I was with Dade in the lower level last night. And if that doesn't help the situation, I'm determined to find Dade and help him escape.

I open my door and startle as I come face to face with Remy. His arm is up as though he’s just about to knock.

“Hey. Sorry, Remy, but I have to go somewhere,” I say, pushing past him. “There’s a meeting in the atrium.”

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