Page 88 of Lust

“I’m not,” she snaps. “What the fuck happened?”

I feel the weight of their stares on me and half wish I’d not told them. If Juliette can keep secrets, I should be able to… But I don’t want to. It’s burning me to get out. I have to tell someone. I need the validation that I’m not a complete idiot, which is how I feel.

“I was drunk,” I begin.

Quinn picks up a muffin and takes a bite. “Say no more.”

Juliette shoots her a glance. “No, do say more. Say a lot more. I know you wouldn’t fuck Felix if you were pissed as a fart. Unless… don’t tell me he…”

I sigh. “I do enjoy your way with words over the breakfast table. It was consensual and though I was drunk, I was sober enough to stop it if I wanted to.”

She pulls a face. “He’s super hot, but why would you want to? He’s awful. He’s an absolute nightmare. I could see me being that stupid and falling for the asshole in a moment of drunken weakness, but you? Jeez, Ro. Why?”

“People do stupid things,” Quinn says pointlessly. I get the feeling it’s not me she’s talking about.

“I think he saved my life in the Earthery.”

“You were holding hands when they pulled you out,” Quinn tells me. I didn’t know that. Somehow it only makes me feel worse.

Juliette’s eyebrows knit together. “So you fucked him to say thanks?”

I hold my hand out to her. My head is pounding with a hangover. “I went to him to say thanks and then…”

“You fucked.”

I give Juliette a sharp stare. “Then we started arguing. At some point, a bottle of bourbon appeared and…”

“You fucked.”

“Felix apologized.”

Juliette scoffs. “While it’s a miracle that Felix apologized for anything, you should have accepted his apology and left, not thrown all your clothes off.”

“He took my clothes off,” I admit. “He was fully clothed, and I was completely naked.”

Juliette’s eyes widen.

“That sounds like typical Felix behavior,” Quinn points out. “He’s taking all the power.”

I take a deep breath. “He did. I felt so vulnerable and yet it felt like he was in a vulnerable position, too. It wasn’t like what it sounds like.”

“So what was it like?” she asks quietly, “because it sounds like he took advantage of you.”

“Do I have to go and murder him?” Juliette asserts.

I rub my head. “No. I wanted it. I can’t explain it. It wasn’t like he had power over me, but that I had to claim some of that power back and I did.”

“I don’t get it.” Juliette hurls her hands up into the air as though we’re in a middle of a national disaster.

I shrug my shoulders. “Neither do I, but I enjoyed it.”

“Oh Babe.” Juliette runs her hands over my hair, but I see the hint of a smirk. “What now? Are you going to do it again?”

“Before you answer,” Quinn pipes up. “May I remind you, Felix Barclay is a disgusting prick who fucked my fifteen-year-old sister causing her to kill herself. I love you, Rowena, but I don’t think I’ll be able to cope if you tell me that you’ve suddenly decided you’re in love with him.”

I snort. When I raise my head back up, I feel tears of laughter falling down my face. “Sorry for laughing, but that’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.” I put my hand on Quinn’s. “I promise this is not a Hallmark movie waiting to happen. I still can’t stand the guy. I’d forgotten about Jenny in the moment of bourbon and possible brain damage from the Earthery. Can we chalk this up to a moment of complete insanity and move on? I promise I would never do anything to hurt you.”

She gives me a smile. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

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