Page 73 of Faking It With The SEALs

“Everything was fine until we married. I knew he partook in the odd smoking session, as in weed and never thought anything of it. But a year after we were married, I knew he was on the harder stuff and addicted. He would disappear for days and come back looking like shit. He hardly ate, was paranoid and constantly accused me of cheating on him. If I wasn’t cheating, I was leaving him. He would be so out of it that he would hit and rape me, but the next day he would be so remorseful I didn’t leave. I told myself if I could just help him get clean, then everything would go back to how it was, but he could never stay clean.

“When I told him I was pregnant, he promised to clean up his act and even booked himself into rehab. He came out saying he was clean and wanted to start afresh.”

“So you did; you gave the marriage another go?” Drew asked, placing a hand on my knee. I nod and wipe at the tear that had slid down my cheek. Logan reaches to the side of him and passes me the box of tissues I have there. I thank him as I wipe my face with one.

“I had to try, at least. His parents begged me to for the sake of their grandchild, so I agreed. But I warned them all that it would be his last chance, I would not have my child around drugs.

“By the time he came out of rehab, I was eight months pregnant, and he stayed sober for the first two months of her life. Then I noticed little changes in him. He would snap at me or refuse to eat whatever I put in front of him. Other than the moods, there were no signs of drug use. I thought maybe it was the pressure of a new baby so close to becoming clean. But then, one night, I caught him standing over her crib and staring at her. When I asked him what was wrong, he looked at me with such hate in his eyes and told me everything was mine and her fault. He only did it to give us everything we needed. I had no idea what he meant, but he refused to talk to me about it more and the next day acted like everything was fine.”

I go to take a sip of my drink as my hand starts to shake and realise it's empty. Drew passes me his, which he hasn’t touched and I thank him. I hate reliving that part of my life. I was so stupid to believe he had changed.

“If you want to leave the rest for another time,” Calvin starts, but I shake my head cutting him off.

“I need to do this now. Otherwise, there is a real chance I won’t tell you everything.” He runs his hand up and down my back as Drew squeezes my hand, and I feel Logan place his hand on my leg. All of them supporting me when I need it the most. I take a deep breath and carry on.

“Three weeks after I found him in Luna's room, he went missing for two days. When he returned he had a black eye and scuffed knuckles. He told me he had been jumped and hadn’t wanted to worry me, scared I would think he was using again. But I knew he was lying; I could feel it in my gut. I watched him carefully for a few days and noticed small signs that he was using. I called his parents and told them and they confronted him. He said he wasn’t but even they knew he was lying. The second they left he flipped and beat me. I could hear Luna screaming upstairs. She was nearly one at this point and I knew then I had to get her away from him.

“But something changed that night in him. He became so paranoid that he locked me in the house and destroyed all forms of contacting others. He had his phone and that’s it. He changed all the locks and would lock me in whenever he went out. I tried to escape a few times but somehow he always knew. After a month I noticed a pattern of him going out and coming back and I knew if I was going to disappear with Luna I had to do it when he would be gone for a few days. So I waited and sure enough the next week he told me he was going out and would be back later and left. I grabbed Luna and a bag I had packed and ran. I couldn’t take the car as he had buried the car keys so I wouldn’t get to them. so I had to leave on foot and pray he didn’t see me.”

“But he did?” Logan asks. I shake my head and take a sip of my drink.

“Not at first. I got to his parents and begged them to help me escape, and they did. They had been putting money to one side knowing that something was wrong, and they had planned on getting me and Luna out. They gave me their car and five thousand pounds. I thanked them and ran. That was the last time I ever saw them alive. They were run off the road a week later. The money they left for me and Luna in their will was how I brought this house.”

“Did your husband kill them?” Calvin asks. I shrug before looking at him.

“He said he didn’t and because he was only a town away from me at the time the courts and police said there was no way to confirm their suspicions. But I think he paid someone to do it, he was too far gone by that point to know the difference between right and wrong.”

“So, you managed to get away for a week?” Drew asks. I nod and down the last of my drink. The alcohol is kicking in now and giving me the courage to continue talking.

“He found us in a hotel. I was in the bathroom drying Luna off after a bath at the time, and I hid her in there and placed myself between her and him. He beat me and told me I had cost him everything. That he did it all for us and I had ruined it. He left me bleeding on the floor and grabbed the fire extinguisher to break down the bathroom door. I threw myself in the way and he smashed my collarbone. Even through the pain, I couldn’t move away from that door, I would not let him touch my baby. Finally, security turned up and pulled him from me as he was choking me against the door. The look in his eyes still haunts me to this day and it’s something I will never forget. I’m just so glad Luna never saw him that night.”

I look at Logan and can see anger and pain in his eyes.

“What did you read about my injuries?”

Logan takes the hand Drew isn’t holding and lifts it to his lips.

“I’ll never forget the list. Shattered collar bone, broken cheekbone and nose.” He runs his fingers over my head as he continues. “Missing chunks of hair, a broken ankle and four broken fingers on your left hand. As well as internal bleeding. They had to remove your spleen and gallbladder as well as repair a rib and kidney.”

“Jesus, no wonder you disappeared like you did that afternoon,” Drew says, shaking his head at Logan. “How the fuck did you keep your cool?”

“I didn’t. I ran all the way here, I needed to remind myself that she was okay and safe now. I had to see with my own eyes that she wasn’t hurting physically anymore.”

“Instead, you found me drowning in my flooded house,” I chuckle as Logan smiles at me.

“Yeah, I think that helped me to calm down actually,” he says cupping my cheek again. “Why wasn’t he charged with attempted murder?” he asks. I shrug as I shake my head.

“I don’t know, Sharon has always believed the jury had been compromised as he somehow had a top-level lawyer and they played on his mental health. Sharon was sure we would get him sent down for a long time instead, he got eight years. He’s served five.”

The room is silent for a moment as the guys watch me and I wait to see what they will say. Very few people know about my past, and that’s the way I like it. I hate it when they look at me with pity in their eyes and start watching what they say around me. but most of all I hate when they tell me how brave I’ve been, I don’t tell people to hear that. I wasn’t always brave enough, but that night there wasn’t anything I wasn’t willing to do to protect my baby girl, and looking at the guys now, that’s the part they have focused on.

“Want a job working for us?” Calvin jokes beside me. “Cause damn, no one would dare go up against you if you can have all those injuries and still stand between him and your daughter.”

“No one hurts my baby,” I answer with a shrug.

“No, they don’t, and no one will ever hurt you again. Neither of you are on your own, you have three trained men that are more than happy to kill the fucker if he comes anywhere near this house.” Logan exclaims as if he already has a burial plot picked out for him.

“So do you think it was him last night?” I ask, looking around. The three guys share a look, and I can tell they aren’t sure.

---