Page 26 of The Secret of Pain

“I guess you’re right.”

“I guess I am, and I guess we should stop procrastinating and head in before your dad or one of your brothers comes out here to drag us inside.” He smiles at me, and the rising storm inside of me settles. It’s always been that way, and I’m glad it still is. He’s my anchor, keeping me rooted when my world gets too much.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to start today off in an embarrassing way. Not like these guys aren’t going to see a whole lot of me soon anyway.” I roll my eyes. “Is there a reason for the semi-nakedness?”

“I am sworn to secrecy, you shouldn’t even really know that bit, so keep quiet. The walls around here literally have ears.”

I laugh, some of the remaining shivers of anxiety melting away—he’s always been able to make the voices quiet. To make me feel safe—and unbuckle myself but take his words on board. I’m still not exactly thrilled about the secrecy, but the jig is almost up, and this is definitely a ‘fake it ‘til I make it’ moment. He joins me in front of the truck before leading the way to the building. He looks up to the top right, and lifts his arm to a small box to the right of the door, which scans his wrist.

So freaking bizarre.

“Told you security was tight.” He laughs, seeing my face.

I shake my head as a buzzer sounds and the door opens. “Into madness we descend,” I say, to myself more than anything, but he chuckles as he enters through the door and starts going down the stairs, which are lined with lamps holding flaming candles to light the way.

When we reach the bottom, we’re faced with a long corridor, lined with doors, but at the end of the hall, huge double doors loom down upon us, and I just know that is where we’re headed. I follow Creek down the hall, the ground no more than packed dirt, dusty from the insane heat down here.

“Ready or not,” Creek says as we reach the doors and he pushes them open. I stop in the doorway and take in the sight before me. A domed space, with no windows, lit by dozens of candles around the room, and symbols etched into the stone walls. Directly opposite me is a raised platform, with seats spaced equally across. I guess they are the seats of the Elders. What gets me though, is the altar in the middle of the room. It looks so out of place here, its sleek black shininess stands out amongst the dirt and stone. Similar symbols that are etched into the altar are on the walls.

A shudder runs down my spine and I clamp my lips shut to stop from uttering a word.

“Where is everyone?” I ask Creek quietly.

“Probably in the antechamber at the back. Let’s go to the preparation room; you can change in there,” he says and spins on his heel back down the hall. I follow him to the third door down and into the room beyond it.

“You can get changed in here. There’s warm water in the taps, so you can clean up if you need to, and you’ll find a robe on the back of the door. Strip down to your underwear, and put on the robe. You’ll be collected when they’re ready.”

“You can’t stay?” I ask, taking in the foreboding little room.

“I can’t, this is meant to be a time of reflection. To come to peace with the decision you have made, to accept everything that is to come on the new path you have taken. I imagine Mom will be here soon to walk you through it all properly. I am not your guide, but you’ll meet them soon too.”

“My guide?” I ask, and he shakes his head.

“I’ll see you out there, okay?” he says and hugs me tightly again. It centers me and stops the shudder that threatens to rack my body. I don’t want to be afraid. I made this choice, and regardless of the chaos it brings and the pain caused by it, to me and everyone else, I know that I was meant to do this. I was meant to be here. So, I take a deep breath and release him.

“I’ll see you out there,” I say to him and shut the door as he leaves, leaving me with nothing more than my thoughts.

* * *

I sit in the dark room, illuminated only by the flicking of the candles. I have no idea why all the candles when there is obviously electricity here for all of the security—it must be a tradition thing. It’s so quiet, I almost daren’t make a noise.

My thoughts fly a million a minute while I try to prepare myself for whatever is about to happen. A guide, Creek said. What the hell is a guide?

I’m pulled from my thoughts by the door opening. I stand just in case I need to move, and Maddie’s smiling face appears.

“Oh, sweetheart!” she says and rushes in to hug me. “I can’t believe this day is here already! Your mom would be so proud of you. I’m sorry she can’t be here to help you with all of this, but I will be with you every step of the way, okay?” She brushes some hair from my face that’s fallen from my ponytail and sighs.

“Thanks, Maddie. It’s all a little daunting,” I tell her, and she laughs.

“It’s so funny to see how you are without the past influencing you. I’ve always thought it. Just don’t let the past change you too much, okay? Now, your guide is on his way, he’s one of the Elders, he will complete the ritual and will be the one to guide you through your memories and get them in order, at least the ones that appear at the start. After the initial flood, as memories come back they seem to automatically make sense and slot in. It’s a funky process, and I’m glad I’m not a guide so I don’t have to think about how it works. But, Ben is an old and dear friend of our families, and he asked to be the one to guide you through this.”

“Er, okay,” I say, not really sure what to make of it all, but I shrug because the “who” doesn’t really make a difference to me at this point.

"He's just outside, so I'll go grab him, and then he'll walk you through some stuff before we get started, okay?"

"Sure." I smile at her halfheartedly.

She opens the door and waves in an older man who instantly strikes me as kind. His smile is soft as he enters and looks me over.

---