Page 23 of The Secret of Pain

"Don't sweat it, Bauer’s been breaking me all damn day."

I laugh. "So, what secrets did you spill to make our big brother look like someone pissed in his cornflakes this morning?"

Colt starts laughing as Bauer just stares at me like I've got two heads. "Holy shit, she really is starting to come back."

Bauer shakes his head and laughs under his breath. "That she is."

"Anyway, I didn't tell him anything. I asked him if I could come over, since you’re training now, I thought you might want your old friend," Colt tells me with a secretive smile.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I roll my eyes at him as he backs up and heads back to the stairs up to Bauer’s kitchen.

"Come on, you'll see," he says, and I look to Bauer, who shrugs his shoulders but shakes his head at the same time.

"You don't think I should see whatever it is yet?" I ask softly.

"I think he's pushing too much too quickly because he misses hunting with you. He means well, but he seems to keep forgetting you're still vulnerable. That said, maybe what he has will help your training." He shrugs again and heads up the stairs, leaving me to decide whether or not this is a step I want to take.

I know this is all going to take time, but I'm also the nosiest person you'll ever meet. I just like to know. But could that impulsivity be my downfall right now?

Bauer didn't seem to think it would be too dangerous, and since he's the most experienced of us all right now, I decide to just go and see whatever it is that Colt has for me.

What’s the worst that could happen, right?

* * *

I push the door from the basement to the kitchen open and find the two of them lounging in the room, Bauer sitting on the counter by the window and Colt sprawled in a chair at the small table in here. The light from the windows floods the space, and as much as I love the light of the summer sun, I'll be happy to see the fall descend fully and have the beauty of colors that it brings.

"Okay, so what is it that you brought for me?" I ask.

"First, do you forgive me yet? For disappearing on you, I mean. It sucked, and then I stole Creek away, for the good of you both, but I know how much that would have hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I didn't see any other way to keep you safe." Colt looks me dead in the eye, pleading with me.

"Honestly, not yet, but I'm working on it. It’s, well, it’s a lot. I'm just trying to push through it all, and push down anything that distracts me from what I'm trying to do. The pain, the heartache, it sucks, but that's what I've got right now. What you did hurt me, and while it might have been for my own good, it stings," I tell him as honestly as I can. This isn't what I had in mind when I climbed the stairs up here. I've tried to focus as little as possible on all the hurt and bitterness inside of me. The pain would drown me if I let it out, and so I stuff it down every single morning when I wake up so that I can breathe. The pain of Jack, of him leaving a box of my stuff outside my door, not even bothering to knock when he left it. The pain of Colt and Creek disappearing. Yes, I'm dealing with it badly, but I’m doing the best I can.

I'm getting there, and somehow with Creek it’s easier because Colt left already. I'm trying to let go of my anger—my mom always said holding onto it is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Useless and disappointing. So, I'm trying, but I'm only human after all. Or well, not.

"I can understand that," he says, some of the pep gone from his voice. "Okay, anyway, the reason I'm here. I'm way too excited for this, and you won't even have a real clue yet, but there is no way I'll last until the ritual, and you'd probably kick my ass if I did."

He rambles as he moves into the other room, reappearing with a case.

He places it on the table before me, and it’s like all the air is sucked from the room and I can barely breathe as I reach forward and undo the locks on it. I lift the top and sitting in the old and worn violet velvet, the same color as my eyes, sits a sword. I reach forward to touch it when a pain unlike anything I've ever known stabs through my skull. I grab my head and try not to scream at the pain as I feel myself fall from the chair. I barely hear as Bauer wraps himself around me, lifting me and walking me back down to the basement, where he places me on the floor, I think.

I can't see, my eyes clenched closed as I struggle against the pain in my head, so overwhelming I want to throw up. I curl up into a ball, trying to fight the pain back, but it’s useless. A voice, so soft it almost doesn’t register, tells me that it’s Bauer I feel back at my side, and then something cold against my lips. I open my mouth and he pours the foulest tasting liquid I've ever known into my mouth. His urges for me to drink it down only just break through the pain. I swallow, trying not to gag.

The cold liquid hits my stomach, and it rolls. Curling back up into the ball, I pray to whichever gods might exist to save me from this pain.

After what feels like forever, the pain starts to ebb. My mind begins to drift and I give in to the wave of darkness and emptiness that washes over me.

* * *

Darkness still surrounds me as my eyes flutter briefly, before I try again. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust, but when they do I notice the dim light filtering in from above me, helping me take in my surroundings. I'm on Bauer’s couch in the basement Lowering my head, I assess my body, taking in the aches and pains I know should be there, but other than the throb in my head, the rest of me feels fine, albeit tired and nauseous. The world tilts a little as I sit up slowly, and I realize the pounding in my head might just be a little worse than I first thought.

"Bauer? Colt?" I call out, my voice hoarse. I guess I screamed more earlier than I realized. Footsteps move across the room above me before coming quickly down the stairs.

"Oh, thank Fates, you're awake," Bauer says softly, and then hands me a bottle of water. "Sip it slowly, Remy, I mean it. You scared the absolute shit out of me."

"Sorry," I rasp before taking a sip of water from the bottle. The icy cold feels so good that I want to chug the whole bottle, but knowing Bauer, he'd rip the thing away from me before I got the chance. "What happened?"

"Too much, too soon is what happened. The exact reason we don't tell Hunters about their lineage until they're of age, even then, while you're stronger, until you've completed the ritual, you're still at risk. Seeing that sword before your birthday would have killed you. I was scared it still might."

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