Page 40 of The Venetian One-Night Baby

Your fault. Your fault. Your fault.

‘Max, I can’t marry you.’

He went to reach for her but she stepped back, her expression rigid with determination. ‘You’re upset, sweetie. You’ve had a big shock and you’ll feel better once you’ve—’

‘You’re not listening to me.’ Her voice with its note of gravity made a chill run down his neck.

‘Okay.’ He took a breath and got himself into some sort of order. ‘I’m listening.’

She rolled her lips together until they almost disappeared. ‘I can’t marry you, Max. What happened today confirmed it for me.’

‘For God’s sake, do you think I would have left town if I thought you were going to have a miscarriage? What sort of man do you think I am?’

Her expression remained calm. Frighteningly calm. ‘It’s not about the miscarriage scare. You could have been right beside me at the hospital and I would still have come to the same decision eventually. You were wrong to force your proposal on me when you can’t give your whole self to the relationship.’

‘Forced?’ Max choked back a humourless laugh. ‘You’re having my baby so why wouldn’t I want you to marry me?’

‘But if I had lost the baby, what then?’ Her gaze was as penetrating as an industrial drill. ‘Would you still want to marry me?’

Max rubbed a hand down his face. He had a headache that was threatening to split his skull in half. Why did she have to do this now? He wasn’t over the shock of the last few hours. Adrenaline was still coursing through him in juddering pulses. ‘Let’s not talk about this now, Sabrina.’

‘When will we talk about it? The day of the damn wedding? Is that what you’d prefer me to do? To jilt you like Lydia did?’ Her words came at him like bullets. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Max released a long, slow breath, fighting to keep his frustration in check. He couldn’t talk about this now, not with his head so scrambled, thoughts and fears and memories causing a toxic poison that made it impossible for him to think straight. Impossible for him to access the emotions that went into automatic lockdown just as they had done all those years ago when he’d seen his mother carrying the tiny limp body of his baby brother. It felt like he was a dead man standing. A robot. A lifeless, emotionless robot.

‘I put marriage on the table because of the baby. It would be pointless to go ahead with it if you were no longer pregnant.’

Nothing showed on her face but he saw her take a swallow. ‘I guess I should be grateful you were honest with me.’

‘Sabrina, I’m not the sort of man to say a whole bunch of words I can’t back up with actions.’

Tears shone in her eyes. ‘You act like you love me. But I can’t trust that it’s true. I need to hear you say it, but you won’t, will you?’

‘Are you saying you love me?’

Her bottom lip quivered. ‘Of course I love you. But I can’t allow myself to be in a one-sided relationship. Not again. Not after what happened when I was eighteen.’

Anger whipped through him like a tornado. ‘Please do me the favour of not associating anything I do or say with how that creep treated you. You know I care about you. I only want the best for you and the baby.’

‘But that’s my point. If there wasn’t a baby there wouldn’t be an us.’ She turned to the walk-in wardrobe.

‘Hey, what are you doing?’

‘I’m packing a bag.’

Max caught her by the arm. ‘No, you’re damn well not.’

She shook off his hold, her eyes going hard as if a steel curtain had come down behind her gaze. ‘I can’t stay with you, Max. Consider our engagement over. I’m not marrying you.’

‘You’re being ridiculous.’ Panic was battering inside his chest like a loose shutter in a windstorm. ‘I won’t let you walk away.’

She peeled off his fingers one by one. ‘You’re a good man, Max. A really lovely man. But you have serious issues with love. You hold everyone at a distance. You’re scared of losing control of your emotions so you lock them away.’

‘Spare me the psychology session.’ Max couldn’t keep the sarcasm in check. ‘I’ve tried to do everything I can to support you. I’ve bent over backwards to—’

‘I know you have but it’s not enough. You don’t love me the way I want to be loved. And that’s why I can’t be with you.’

Max considered saying the words to keep her with him. How hard could it be? Three little words that other people said so casually. But he hadn’t told anyone he loved them since he’d told his baby brother, and look how that turned out. He felt chilled to the marrow even thinking about saying those words again. He had let her down and there was nothing he could do to change it. He wasn’t good enough for her. He had never been good enough and he’d been a fool to think he ever could be. ‘Will you at least stay here for a bit longer till I find you somewhere to live?’

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