Page 41 of The Venetian One-Night Baby

A sad smile pulled at her mouth. ‘No, Max, I don’t think that would be wise. I’ll stay with my parents for bit until I find somewhere suitable.’

Later, Max could barely recall how he’d felt as Sabrina packed an overnight bag and handed him back the engagement ring. He hadn’t even said, No, you keep it. He’d been incapable of speech. He drove her to her parents’ house in a silence so thick he could almost taste it. His emotions were still in an emergency lockdown that made him act like an automaton, stripping every expression off his face, sending his voice into a monotone.

* * *

It was only days later, when he got back home to his empty house after work, where the lingering fragrance of her perfume haunted him, that he wondered if he should have done more to convince her to stay. But what? Say words she knew he didn’t mean? He would be no better than that lowlife scum who’d hurt her so badly all those years ago.

But why did his house seem so empty without her there? He had got used to the sound of her pottering about. Damn it, he’d even got used to the mindless drivel she watched on television. He would have happily watched a test pattern if he could just sit with his arm around her. He could get through watching just about anything if he could hear the sound of her laughter and her sighs, and patiently hand her his handkerchief when she got teary over the sad bits of a movie.

But he would have to get used to not having her around.

* * *

Sabrina dragged herself through the next few days, worn down by sadness that her life wasn’t turning out like that of the dewy-faced brides that filed through her shop. It was like having salt rubbed into an open and festering wound to see everyone else experiencing the joy and happiness of preparing for a wedding when her dreams were shattered. Why was her life destined to fall short of her expectations? Was there something wrong with her? Was she too idealistic? Too uncompromising?

But how could she compromise on the issue of love?

Moving back in with her parents might not have been the wisest move, Sabrina decided. She was engulfed by their disappointment as well as her own. It seemed everyone thought Max was the perfect partner for her except Max himself. But she couldn’t regret her decision to end their engagement. She couldn’t remain in a one-sided relationship. The one who loved the most was always the one who got hurt in the end. She wanted an equal partnership with love flowing like a current between them. Like it flowed between both sets of parents, long and lasting and able to withstand calamity.

No. This was the new normal for her. Alone.

And the sooner she got used to it the better.

* * *

A few miserable days later, Max went into his study and sat at his desk. He found himself sitting there every night, unable to face that empty bed upstairs. He sighed and dragged a hand over his face. His skull was permanently tight with a headache and his eyes felt gritty.

His eyes went to the photograph of his family before Daniel had died. There was nothing he could do to bring his brother back. Nothing he could do to repair the heartache he had caused his parents by not being more vigilant. His phone rang and he took it out of his pocket and swore when he saw it was his mother. The gossip network was back at work after a few days’ reprieve. No doubt Sabrina’s mother Ellen had called his mum to tell her the wedding was off. He was surprised Ellen hadn’t done so the moment it had happened but maybe Sabrina had wanted things kept quiet for a bit. He answered the phone. ‘Mum, now’s not a good time.’

‘Oh, Max. Ellen told me Sabrina called off the engagement.’

‘Yep. She did.’

‘And you let her?’

‘She’s an adult, Mum. I can’t force her to be with me.’ Even though he’d damn well given it a good shot.

‘Oh, darling, I’m so upset for you and for her,’ his mum said. ‘I can’t help thinking your father, Ellen, Jim and I have been putting too much pressure on you both. We just wanted you to be happy. You’re perfect for each other.’

‘I’m not perfect for anyone. That’s the problem.’ He let out a jagged sigh. ‘I can’t seem to help letting down the people I care about. You, Dad and Daniel, for instance. I do it without even trying. It’s like I’m hard-wired to ruin everyone’s lives.’

‘Max, you haven’t ruined anyone’s lives,’ his mother said after a small silence. ‘I know you find it hard to allow people close to you. You weren’t like that as a young child, but since we lost Daniel you’ve stopped being so open with your feelings. It was like a part of you died with him. I blame myself for not being there for you but I was so overwhelmed by my own grief I didn’t see what was happening to you until it was too late. But you weren’t to blame for what happened, you know that, don’t you?’

Max leaned forward to rest one elbow on the desk and leaned his forehead against his hand. ‘I should have known something was wrong. You asked me to check on him and he seemed fine.’

‘That’s because he was fine when you checked on him. Max, the coroner said it was SIDS. Daniel might have died in the next ten minutes and there was nothing you could have done to change that.’ She sighed and he heard the catch in her voice. ‘Darling, do you think I haven’t blamed myself? Not a day goes past that I don’t think of him. But it would be an even bigger tragedy if I thought you weren’t living a fulfilling life because you didn’t think you deserved to love and be loved in return.’

‘Look, I know you mean well, Mum, but I can’t give Sabrina what she wants. What she deserves. I’m not capable of it.’

‘Are you sure about that, Max? Totally sure?’

Max ended the call and sat back in his chair with a thump. It was slowly dawning on him that he had made the biggest blunder of his life. His feelings for Sabrina had always been confusing to him. For years he’d held her at arm’s length with wisecracking banter, but hadn’t that been because he was too frightened to own up to what was going on in his heart? She had always got under his skin. She had always rattled the cage he had constructed around his heart.

And up until he’d kissed her he’d done a damn fine job of keeping her out. But that one kiss had changed everything. That kiss had led to that night in Venice and many nights since of the most earth-shattering sex of his life. But it wasn’t just about amazing sex. There was way more to their relationship than that.

He felt different with her.

He felt alive. Awakened.

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