Page 41 of Reaper

“I’m not strong. I couldn’t protect myself. I let him lay his hands on me for a long time before I finally left. I’m weak,” I whisper.

Elenore moves to my side, wrapping me in a hug. “You’re wrong. The bravest thing you ever did was run. I can see the fear that still lingers in your eyes. Even as afraid as you are, you still got out of there. You walked up to these gates and faced down Reaper himself and somehow got him to protect you. Even taking all of that aside, you are here and you aren’t broken. That is the strongest thing of all.”

My tears are flowing freely now as I squeeze her to me. “I feel broken. I don’t feel like the girl I once was. I’m so lost. How do I even begin to find myself again? When will this fear that has a stranglehold on me finally disappear for good?”

She lets me sob on her shoulder as she rubs my back. “Maybe it never does disappear for good. You will never be that girl you were once before. You have scars. Physical I’m sure, but emotional ones as well. Those will mold you into someone new. Someone stronger who can stand up to the storm. You haven’t lost who you were completely. I can still see the kind girl inside, but you will take that and make yourself into someone who has learned lessons to make them a better person.”

“I want to be better. I want this to be over,” I admit.

She nods. “Have you ever heard the saying once bitten, twice shy?”

I shake my head no.

“It basically means you might get bit the first time around, but that first bite will make you more aware of the consequences so that you might not be so eager to get bit a second time. I think in your case it means you learned how human beings are able to hide their true selves so easily to fool others. You won’t be so hasty to take people on the facades they put up now. You’ll always be searching for the crack that will show what their true colors are.”

I finally pull back, using my napkin to blow my nose. Elenore hands me a few more before using one to blot at my cheeks.

“I like that saying. I might not ever be ready to truly trust a man again, but I am going to be better about choosing one in the future. I won’t make this mistake again. I can’t. I wouldn’t live through it.”

She shakes her head and looks at me with soft eyes. “You’re wrong, honey. You are already trusting a man again, but that’s not a bad thing. Try to remember that not all men are like your ex. It’s good to be cautious, but don’t close yourself off completely.”

“Harrison and I aren’t like that. I trust him because he’s the only person who can help me. He’s already made it clear that once he solves this issue for me, that’s as far as this friendship goes.”

Elenore smiles a knowing smile. “I’m sure he did. All I’m saying is that maybe trusting a new man isn’t as far off in your future as you think. Now eat up while I tell you all about this place.”

I take a stab of eggs as she begins to tell me about all the members of the club and how they got their road names. Jacob told me some of these stories too but I love hearing them from her perspective since she’s been around longer than he has.

By the time she gets to her husband, I’m laughing so hard my ribs hurt.

“So they named him Honk because he used to grab women’s tits and squeeze them while saying ‘Honk Honk?’”

She nods. “When I found that out, I almost left him. I mean, how was I going to be taken seriously when that was why he was named Honk? I didn’t leave him though. He gave up honking on random women and dedicated himself to me. Now we’ve been together for twenty-three years. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

I smile at her. “That’s so sweet. A love story for the books.”

“It is pretty funny. The kids all groan when we tell it. No one wants to hear about their dad being intimate with women, especially their mom.”

“Oh I’m sure.”

“Are you still talking her ear off in here?” Harrison appears in the doorway, looking like sin incarnate.

My mind drifts back to what Elenore said earlier about trusting a man. I do trust Harrison to an extent, but could I trust him long term?

“Telling her stories about road names,” Elenore teases.

“Oh god. You told her about Honk, huh?” Harrison has an amused smile on his face.

“She did, but she never told me about yours,” I tell him.

His smile falls a little. “Not much of a story. When I was eighteen, I went on a run with two other prospects. I’m the only one who came back. I was covered in blood, carrying one of my brothers. My father said I looked like the reaper bringing souls to the devil. The name stuck.”

I swallow hard. That’s tragic.

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t be. There’s a lot of blood and death in this business. Gotta have tougher skin to deal with it.”

I feel like he’s talking directly to me. My skin isn’t tough. Hell, it’s practically non-existent at this point.

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