Page 30 of The Wrong One

“You don’t have to apologize or explain,” he said.

“I do,” I nodded. “I want to.”

“I’m right here,” he said and reached out to take my hand.

The touch gave me strength. I didn’t feel alone. I took a deep breath and thought about how much I wanted to say. “Patrick and I were in love,” I said. “We were college sweethearts. We looked like so many of the couples I’d see on campus. I think maybe that’s why it hits me so hard. I remember the good days when we were the cute couple canoodling between classes and eating lunch together. Those were really good days. I was so happy. Patrick and I were getting our degrees and planning a future.”

He nodded but said nothing.

“We moved to Palo Alto together,” I said. “Patrick got a job as a professor at Stanford, and I got a job at a startup company.” I hated it, but I found myself smiling as I remembered the good times. “Things were good. Not great. We still had struggles and we weren’t really financially stable right out of the gate, but we were together. We were enjoying our lives. I thought finals week and moving and all that were the tough times. I thought we were a strong couple because we got through those difficult times. I thought we’d been through our own little fire, and we could handle anything that came our way. We were good friends and we seemed to really click.”

I stopped talking and looked back on all those times. “I was so naïve.” I sighed.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” Cam said. “But what happened? What did he do? The last time I saw you, you were happy.”

Everyone basically knew what happened, but I didn’t really get into the details. I was humiliated. Telling people the story would just make me relive it. I had avoided it at all costs, but it was time. I trusted Cam. He wasn’t going to laugh at me.

“One day, I had a long lunch,” I started. “Patrick and I were both putting in long hours. We weren’t seeing each other as much. We knew that was going to happen as we built our careers. We agreed to do our best to see each other as often as we could, whenever we could. I knew he had lunch around the same time. I bought his favorite sub sandwich and went to his office. I walked into his office and found him with one of his students. A female student. You can probably imagine what I saw. They weren’t studying or talking about grades. Her shirt was off, and his pants were undone.”

“Shit,” Cam murmured.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” I went on. “I never suspected. I didn’t have a clue. They always say you know. I didn’t know. I must have been the easiest person in the world to fool. I was so embarrassed.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?” he asked.

“It was humiliating to see my fiancé groping a much younger woman,” I said. “I was ashamed for him. I was so pissed and sad and humiliated. I think I must have felt a hundred emotions in a matter of seconds. Add in the shock and I was frozen to the spot. The young woman didn’t even look ashamed. She smirked at me as she pulled on her shirt. She walked by me on her way out and smiled at me. She was proud of what she had done.”

“What about Patrick?” he asked.

I shook my head. “He didn’t give a shit. He zipped up his pants and looked at me like I was the bad one for interrupting him. It’s weird because it all happened in slow motion. It didn’t feel real. Looking back, I don’t know if I was speaking out loud or if it was just thoughts. It’s all kind of a blur. I wanted to know how long it had been going on. Was she the first one or one of many? Was he actually having sex with these girls? And I saygirlsbecause the one I saw was young.”

As I spoke, my anger grew stronger. My hands balled into fists. “I just don’t understand. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I know men are notorious for sleeping with younger women, but I’m not exactly over the hill just yet. I don’t understand why he cheated. I blamed myself. I was working too much. I wasn’t giving him the attention he needed. I stood there staring at him and I felt like I was caught up in a tornado. Everything was spinning around me. My head as well. It was so wild.”

He squeezed my hand and let me rant. It all exploded out of me. I had been tamping it down for months. I wanted everyone to believe I was okay. I wanted to believe I was okay, but I wasn’t. That was evident today.

I stopped talking and looked at Cam. He was staring at me. He probably thought I was fucking crazy. I supposed I was acting a little crazy. The burst of emotion had burned through me hot and fast. It was a tidal wave of every emotion on the spectrum. I turned away from him, feeling embarrassed all over again for my outburst.

“Hey,” he said and patted my hand. “Look at me.”

I turned back to look at him. I didn’t see any judgement in his eyes. He wasn’t looking at me with pity. “I’m sorry I unloaded on you.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I’m glad you’re finally speaking up about it. I suspected there was a hell of a story. You have to know you cannot take the blame for what he did. That guy is a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe. Cheap gum. Really cheap, chewy, flavorless, leave-it-to-die-at-the-bottom-of-your-purse gum.”

I laughed. “Thank you. That’s very descriptive.” I nudged his shoulder.

“I’m serious,” he said. “That guy didn’t deserve you. You are way too good for him. Let him fuck every young lady who crosses his path. He’s going to figure out what he lost. You’re gourmet; they are cheap throwaways.”

He was really making me feel special. It didn’t feel like he was just trying to make me feel better. It was sweet and kind and I felt relieved. It felt good to get rid of all that weight I had been carrying around for too long. I didn’t realize how much it was weighing me down until I expelled it all.

“Thank you,” I said. “I really appreciate you listening to me and letting me vent. I feel so much better.”

I found myself leaning into him a little more. He wasn’t pulling away. It felt good sitting next to a strong man. It made me feel like I was safe and protected from all the bullshit surrounding me.

“I’m glad I could help.”

We sat there for a minute in silence. I didn’t want to get up. I felt too comfortable. I could hear his every breath. The warmth of his body would have been uncomfortable in the heat, but it felt good sitting with him. I looked into his eyes and felt my heart skip a beat.

“You’re a good listener,” I said with my gaze on his mouth.

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