Page 83 of All My Firsts

The next thing I knew, Becca was shaking me awake.

“Lanie, come on, honey, wake up. You can’t stay out here.”

“Oh shit, I can’t believe I fell asleep.” I quickly grabbed her outstretched hand and walked with her to our room. I had no idea if anyone saw me, but the chances were good considering it was after eight already. “Well, that’s embarrassing.” I plopped on my bed once we werein our room.

“Don’t sweat it. I’m sure if anyone saw you, they thought you were drunk. I’ve seen people passed out by doors like that before. People don’t really care too much.” I guess she didn’t see the scene with Xander’s frat yesterday, but it wasn’t worth bringing up. “You look like crap. Not agood night?”

“The only sleep I got was right there by his door. I was going out for a run and stopped there for a minute, and then you found me. So, no, not agood night.”

“It’ll get better, I promise.” She looked at me with compassionate eyes.

I wanted to believe her, but I wasn’t so sure.

Chapter 24

Knowing Xander read the text I sent the other day did something to me, soothed me in a way nothing else could. My words were still being heard, seen. That made me feel ... better. I decided I was going to continue to text him, to talk to him, even though it would be one-sided.

I pulled out my phone.

I didn’t care that it was three inthe morning.

Me:

So, I’ve decided I’m going to keep texting you, I need to, I can’t sleep I can’t stop missing you I miss your bed, my bed doesn’t feel the same anymore - I hope you’re doing whatever you need to be doing, fixing what you need to fix, so you can come back to me - I can’t do this without u I love u Xander and I need u here, with me, tell your mom and Bryce hi for me come back soon, please You’re my everything xoxo

As soon as I sent it, it saidit was read.

Immediately.

I didn’t know what that meant, but it had to mean something. It did tell me I was going to keep sending them. Maybe they would bring him back to me. For some reason, knowing he was on the other end of the message, reading it, gave me a sense of peace.

Me:

Morning, I was actually able to fall asleep last night, I think because I sent that text to you - I’m sitting here wondering what you’re doing at home - are you laying in your bed, thinking about me the way I’m thinking about you? I don’t like this missing you thing that goes along with loving someone - it hurts - but you’re worth it I’m not giving up on us not yet anyway. I have to start getting ready for class, Becca is making me go, even though I don’t want to - she’s making me do lots of things I don’t want to do right now - anyway -

Love u Xander, Always xoxo

And right on cue, he read itimmediately.

I popped out of bed, a bit more spring in my step, and got dressed for class. No hoodie – I put on a sweater and jeans and dressed like a real human. As I headed to the elevator, Logan met up with me in the lobby.

“Hey, Lanie, how ya doing?” I wasn’t sure how much he was aware of. I hadn’t seen him since this whole thing started with Xander a couple days ago. But by the tone in his voice, I could tell he knew. Everyone apparently knew.

“I’m good, thanks.” And Ieven smiled.

Logan still wasn’t doing his best either, but he smiled back. We got on the elevator together once the doors opened, a few other people already in it. We didn’t talk for the remainder of the five-floor ride to the bottom, but he stayed close protectively.

The sun was shining, adding to my improved mood, even though the temperature was chilly. We were bundled up against the February wind as we headed to our respective buildings, obviously in the same direction. Logan was stillby my side.

“So ... you seem to be better than Becca was describing,” Logan said, being careful with his words. The air was so cold, white puffs came from his mouth as he spoke. This was definitely not weather my Texas blood was used to, and my face was wrapped behind a scarf. He didn’t even have a hat on, though his puffer coatlooked warm.

“Yeah, I’m doing a bit better.” My words were a bit garbled, but he seemed to understand me as he nodded. I didn’t feel like expanding on it. We kept walking down the stone path, a quick pace due to the climate. He slowed when we came to what must have been his building.

“Wanna meet us for lunch later? I’m meeting up with them.” He looked hopeful, his eyes tearing from the wind as he waited formy response.

“Sure, I’ll see you guys in a couple hours,” I replied. I waved as he headed up the stairs to his class, me on myway to mine.

“To what do we owe the honor of your presence?” Becca was thankful I had shown up.

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