Page 79 of All My Firsts

The rhythm continued, steady and powerful. A sheen of sweat glowed on his chest as I peered up at him; his face twisted with exertion. I could feel it building again inside of me, inside both of us. His movements were jerky, and he was losing control as it all came to a head between us. He lowered me to the bed, our bodies close as he crashed on top of me with one final thrust, a cry emitting fromhis throat.

Our breathing was erratic, neither of us able to catch our breath or talk right away. Eventually, Xander’s head fell against my shoulder; he was completely spent. He slid to his side, an arm draped across my torso. And we lay there, in each other’s arms, quiet, for some time. His breaths calmed enough that I thought he may have even fallen asleep.

“Birdie?” His voice startled me. He picked his head up, hair disheveled and stuck to his sweaty brow. He rested his chin on the top of my breast. His navy blue eyes looked up at me before he spoke again. “You amaze me.” A smile showing his dimple graced his face, making me smile back at him. “I’m amazed by you, how strong and resilient you are.” A finger made a path from my belly button, up between my breasts, to my chin, finally resting on my lower lip. He pulled his body up as his mouth captured mine, the kiss slow and deep. “I know that you’ve struggled with, you know, talking about that kind of stuff. But you took charge, and fuck ...” He ran his fingers through his hair, struggling with what to say next. “I don’t want to just focus on the sex part of it, but, fuck, it was hot as hell what you did, what we did.”

He reached underneath me and grabbed a hold of my ass, squeezing it hard.

“Ow!” I yelped as I grabbed a hold of him around his neck, our faces closeonce again.

“But, man, birdie, you blow me away with how far you’ve come, your confidence with all of this. I’m just, I don’t know. I guess I’m proud of you, that’s all.” He looked shy, almost embarrassed to be saying that to me, but I understood what he meant.

“Thank you,” I said in response, once again too shy to talk. But he was right. I was a different me. I had come such a long way. “It’s all because of you. You’ve gotten me here.”

But he was immediately shaking his head in complete disagreement.

“Nah, I might have helped with some things along the way, but birdie, this was all you.” He leaned up and kissed meon the nose.

And I was pretty sure he was right. I had made the changes in me. He helped, but I did it.

Iwas healing.

I was moving on.

No one was perfect. I knew I sure as hell wasn’t. I came into this with enough baggage to send him packing, but here he was. He had his share of issues as well. But the whole point of a relationship was give-and-take, compromise, working together to make it work. And all that other crap that goes along with it. We were still young and we had a lot to learn, but I knew with him was where I wanted to be.

“What are you thinking right now?” Xander asked me, obviously seeing somethingin my look.

I knew I’d been having some doubts about us, but at that moment, it clicked. He was it for me. I reached for his face, holding it, looking at him.

Finally, I said, “I never want this to end.”

He stroked my cheek, his thumb grazing my lip as he stared deeply into my eyes.

“That makes me the happiest man alive to hear that, birdie,” he whispered, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my mouth. “Because I never want us toend either.”

I would forever behis birdie.

Chapter 22

All those books I read on my e-reader should have prepared me for this. The normal we were living, the traditional lifestyle of college kids we were thriving with, was the foreshadowing I should haverecognized.

The amazing night we had.

It was all foreshadowing.

The proverbial other shoe had dropped, but not in the wayI expected.

I would have lost my life savings thinking Max would be the one to come in and destroy my life once again, but no.

No, it wasn’t Max this time.

This time itwas Xander.

Xander broke me.

Chapter 23

Xander and I were supposed to meet for lunch at noon. His text telling me to meet him had come in while I was finishing up some work at the library. I went to the cafe, got my food, and went to our normal table to wait for him.

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