Page 67 of All My Firsts

“Every time we sat at that table, the only thing I could picture in my mind was the scene from that movie – what was it? The Christmas one with Chevy Chase?” Xander looked at both of us for help, and I knew it immediately. It was my family’s favorite movie, and we watched it togetherevery year.

“Christmas Vacation!” I yelled. “And I know exactly the scene you’re talking about!” I laughed along with him.

“Yes!” Xander exclaimed, pointing his finger at me in acknowledgment. “I mean, Mom, her turkey doesn’t explode like that, but c’mon, you can’t deny that unless it’s in a bath of gravy, it’s not even edible.”

Jane nodded along with Xander, their laughter contagious. “Not even that,” Jane contributed, “but every one of her vegetables is boiled to the point of mush. It’s terrible, Xander, you’re right.”

Everyone’s cackling had settled, the mood at the table relaxed. I felt bad that we’d enjoyed a moment at the expense of Jane’s sister, but it did sound as though cooking was not her forte.

“Besides,” Xander continued, “Lanie and I haven’t exchanged our presents yet. We thought we’d do that once you left for Aunt Jill’s.” His eyes locked on mine as he said this, the message clear. And it stole my breath for a moment. The heat in his lookwas intense.

We would be unwrapping more than our wrapped gifts.

Jane got up from the table and started clearing the dishes and food.

“Mom, go ahead and get ready for Aunt Jill’s. We’ve got this.” Xander got up from his chair, taking the plates from his mother’s hands. I joined by gathering up some things from the table as she scurried upthe stairs.

As we cleaned the kitchen, we fell into a rhythm. We seemed to read what the other was going to do next. We did a little choreographed dance through the room as we completed our duties without bumping into one another. Such domestic tasks as loading the dishwasher and packing up leftovers were a big deal to me. I never thought I would be at this stage of a relationship withanyone ever.

My tortured past still trickled into my mind, trying to ruin the good I’d come to find. But it was happening less and less. Even a few weeks earlier, these thoughts pervading my head would’ve had me crashing to the floor, afraid to carry on, thinking this type of life wasn’t possible for me. Or that I didn’t deserve it. But Xander had changed all of that for me. He proved to me I was worth something and capable of being normal. He gave me confidence in myself, making me feel as though I could one day have a life without checking around every corner.

I felt his arms snake around my midsection as I dried the last glass that didn’t fit in the dishwasher. His chin rested on my head as I leaned against his chest. I closed my eyes as I relished the warmth and comfort I felt in his arms. He gently turned me toward the window by their table and whispered in my ear. “Look outside, birdie.”

I slowly opened my eyes to see small white dots drifting from the sky. They looked like tiny puffs of cotton floating to the ground as the wind swirled them around the trees.

“Oh my God ...” I said in whispered awe. I ran to the window, needing a closer look. The glass was frigid to the touch as my eyes scanned the yard. “Xander, it’s beautiful.” He came up next to me, lookingout as well.

“It is pretty. I always love the first snowfall of the year.” He leaned against the sill and turned toward me. “I don’t think it’ll be much more than a dusting, though, so no fun and games in the snow. But I’m glad you gotto see it.”

We heard his mom charging down the stairs and went to see her offin the hall.

“OK, you two, I’ll see you in a few hours,” Jane said as she bundled up for the snowy day.“Enjoy yourselves!”She sang and chuckled as she headed out the door.

“Oh my God, Xander, she knows, doesn’t she?”

He laughed. “Knows what?”

“You know what!” I swatted him on the arm, which felt like atree trunk.

“I don’t know that she ‘knows,’ but I guess she thinks she knows. I don’t care, though; I’ll shout it on the rooftops. That’s what’s supposed to happen between two people who love each other, Lanie.” He leaned over and captured my mouth in his, and I forgot all about any embarrassment I might have felt about anything to do with Xander touching me. There could be nothing wrong about that – he was right. “And thank God she’s finally gone!”

He grabbed my hand and started leading me to the stairs, but stopped suddenly and pulled me closeagainst him.

“Now I get to open the best gift yet. And as much as I would like to have a repeat of last night by the tree, I think we should take it upstairs. This next time deserves a bed.” At that, he swung his arm behind my knees and scooped me upin his arms.

“Xander, put me down. I can walk!” I was screaming as he ran with me up the stairs. We got to his room and he plopped us on his bed, it bouncing from our weight. Our laughter seemed to echo in the now empty house and made it hard for us to catch our breath. But we did catch our breath as we lay next to each other. And the mood shifted the longer we lay quietly, looking atone another.

“Birdie,” Xander whispered from above, my heart melting at hisname for me.

I loved the name, the meaning he took from it. Because he had freed me. I felt like a free bird, ready to face the challenges that I knew were still ahead, because of him.

His mouth captured mine as we aligned our bodies. “Every time I look at you, I want you in my bed. I want to slowly peel your clothes off and take hours ravaging every inch of your body.” His tongue delved into my mouth again before uttering his next words. “Last night was just thebeginning.”

The growl that came from deep in his chest started a hum inside me that had my body moving in ways I didn’t think it could. My hips jutted forward as my hands reached for his head, pulling him in for another kiss.

This man wasmy undoing.

He didn’t seem to mind. The growl deepened. He pushed himself up and lookeddown at me.

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