Page 97 of All My Firsts

“Hey, you must be Becca,” the one with long, dark brown hair and almost the same color skin said. “I’m Macie, and this is Ava.” She pointed at the one with a black pixie cut and a few piercings. Christ, they were both beautiful. That sucked. And since they were also my roommates, I would probably need to be friends with them. And they would meet Ty as well. Fuckity fuck! Why has he made me so fucking insecure?

“Hey guys, yeah, I’m Becca. Lanie should be here any minute, so you’ll get to meet her, too. It’s nice to put a face to all the texts we’ve beenexchanging.”

Ava turned to me, and I was stunned by her eyes. It was as if emeralds were popped into her head, literally. I mean, I had green eyes, but hers were outrageous. They had to be contacts. Combined with her hair, she was fucking hot. “Well, we’ll have to wait to meet her later. We were just heading out. See ya.” And she had a freaking deep, sultry voice to go along with it all, too. Shit.

And then they were gone. And I was alone. Nothing good came of me being alone lately. Me alone with my thoughts usually meant scrolling through social media or old pictures and getting myself more and more upset with each passing day. But the odd thing was that Ty had no new posts on any of his accounts this entire summer, not a single one. I mean, he was a guy, so he didn’t post much, but he posted. But nothing.Nada. Nilch.

While I was upstairs putting some clothes in my closet, I heard the front door and I went running.

“Lanie, is that you?!” I screamed from the top of the stairs. As I turned the corner, I saw her and her oh-so-hot boyfriend standing in the hallway. Running full speed across the room, I wrapped her in a bear hug and squeezed tight.

“Oh my God, girl, I missed you so much. We can’t go that long not seeing each other. Like, never again. I thought we made a promise last Christmas break to never do that, and this time it was even longer!” I screamed. She pulled away from me to look at me, I knew to look at one thing.

“Becca, oh my God, you look amazing! When did you do this?” Her face filled with amazement as she took my appearance in, holding my shoulders and keeping me in place. “And yes, I missed you too!” She hugged me again, and it felt so good. I don’t think Lanie really understood how much I relied on her. Last year, she needed me so much, but I needed her too and she didn’t even know it.

“The hair? Oh, it’s no biggie, I actually just did it today. Just felt like I needed a change, ya know? Start sophomore year off with a bang.” Pulling away, I looked away quickly, not wanting her to see the lie in my eyes. Unfortunately, that put me in the direct gaze of Xander. And that one, he wasn’t like most guys, in alot of ways.

“And look at you. I think you’ve gotten hotter! Lanie, hold on to him. I’m going to steal him this year for sure if you don’t.” Her eyes were rolling, knowing full well I was joking. But Xander knew better, and he knew something was up with me; he kept staring at me with a look in his eye that said, “Get your act together, Becca.” I went straight to him and gave him a hug next, just to make him even more uncomfortable. My arms went around his body, and I ran my hands up and down his back. I felt his body stiffen. “Oh, Xander, lighten up. I’m allowed to appreciate a fine specimen of a man.” He pulled back and looked me straight in the eye, almost sad for me, and that made me feel pathetic. What was I doing, hitting on my best friend’s boyfriend right in front of her the moment they got there? Shit, I wasa real mess.

“OK, you two, break it up. I know we all haven’t seen each other in a while, but come on now.” Lanie was fine with me being a bitch, thank God. I needed to pull myself together. Xander was right. I pulled back and looked over at Xander, trying to convey my apology with my eyes.

“I missed you, too, Becca.” He chuckled, and it lightened the mood. “Hey, birdie, I’m going to head over to my place.” I loved the nickname he had for Lanie, though neither of them would tell me what it really meant. “Why don’t you girls join us once you’ve caught up and unpacked? The guys are hanging out, I’m sure drinking already. I’m sure Ty told you to stop by, right, Becca?”

He looked at me, waiting for my answer, but I couldn’t give him one. At least not right away. Had Ty not told anyone that we broke up? Ty was rushing Xander’s frat, and they would spend a lot of time together now that we were back at school, but I guess he hadn’t seen him yet either. And I did my share of secret keeping this summer as well.

My gaze shifted to Lanie. Hers was more knowing. She could read me and knew there was something going on, but she couldn’t quite figure out exactly what.

The two of them stood there, waiting.

“Uhm, we kind of …broke up.”

If either of them was surprised, they held it in. Xander stood stoic, being the serious type, and looked ready to go beat him up if I needed him to. Lanie walked to me and wrapped me in a hug, knowing that was exactly what I needed.

“Oh Bec, are you OK? When did it happen?” Being around the two of them made me feel safe enough to drop the shields andfeel. I hadn’t let myself feel anything about it all summer long, not a tear dropped. Not until that very moment, with Lanie’s arms around me.

“Oh fuck, Lanie, now you’ve got me crying!” With my safety net with me, I let it out, and she held me as I did. Xander wandered away to give us some time alone. Her arms didn’t leave me until she felt the shakes and sobs subside. But then I knew the dreaded questions would be starting.

Lanie, of all people, was well aware of the problems Ty and I had. Freshman year, I confided how Ty treated me when I would go home with him. How the couple times we made the visit to his house, he acted like we were nothing more than friends. He wouldn’t kiss me, hug me, not even hold my hand. It was as if he was embarrassed of me in front of his parents. Utterly and completely embarrassed. It was heart wrenching to realize the man I had fallen in love with was ashamed of me.

I was enjoying the comfort of Lanie’s arms still around me when we were interrupted by a soft throat clearing from across the room as Xander’s long strides brought him closer to us.

“I’m gonna leave you girls to it,” Xander said to us both. “But Bec, if you need me to take care of anything, just let me know. I’ll be at the house. You guys head over when you’re ready.” He kissed Lanie and walked out the back door.

Lanie and I went to sit on the pleather couch that came with the apartment, which was full of furniture safe enough for college parties, our legs squeaking against the material as we tried to get comfortable.

“Oh my God, we will need to put some blankets on this thing.” Lanie’s eyebrows shot up; she knew I was trying to change the subject. “OK, fine, what do you want to know? But, FYI, there isn’t much to tell.” I fell back against the couch in defeat, wiping the remaining tears from my cheeks.

“Well, I guess I’d like to know who broke it off? And why?”

Well, those were easy.

“Me, and it was just the same ol’ shit. The summer started, and he said I couldn’t come to his house. I was done. Don’t need that shit. So I ended it.” More tears welled up in my eyes. “The worst part is that he didn’t really fight me on it, and we haven’t spoken all summer.” And now those tears spilled over again, and the lump in my throat was growing as the emotions were getting harder to keeptamped down.

“Bec, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call or text over the summer to talk about this? I could’ve made my way to you somehow if you needed me.” There was a reason, but it wasn’t a good one. There’s never a good reason for a girl to not reach out to her bestie in a time of need.

“I didn’t want to make it real. If I told you, it would have made it so … real, like I actually did it. I just wanted to go about my summer in blissful ignorance as if nothing was wrong. But here we are, and now I have to see him for the first time since I told him I was done withhis shit.”

She didn’t offer any magic bullet fixes, only sat there with me, letting me know she would always be there.

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