Page 51 of All My Firsts

Before my next breath, his lips crashed into mine, stealing my air, giving me his.

Our worlds were colliding, becoming one, out ofour control.

I felt if he pulled away from me, I wouldn’t be able to breathe, to stand.

Our lips were still exploring one another, tongues tasting and delving deep. My hands were roving over the ripples of muscles on his back, reaching around to feel the deep V dipping below the waist of his jeans. I dragged my fingers along his stomach, feeling the ridges as I moved up toward his chest. I loved feeling the bumps spread across the flesh, thrilled I elicited this response in him from my touch. His hands had stilled on my ass during this, holding on, pulling me toward him, grinding into me.

I could feel him, his need.

His mouth left mine and moved on to my neck, licking the saltiness behind my ear, moving onto my shoulder. I shuddered with a fervor to match his.

I grabbed the length of his hair at the back of his head as he kissed down my neck, his hand still holding on to my ass. The moan that escaped my mouth betrayed me. I was trying to stay in control because I knew this shouldn’t go much further.

But I didn’t want to be the one to stop this, this amazing feeling that was consuming my soul. I had never felt such an intensity with another person, such power in our emotions.

It was overwhelming.

It was thrilling.

It was breathtaking.

It was scary, butso worth it.

But ...

“I think ...” It came out barely as a whisperinto my ear.

I didn’t feel the darkness. It wasn’t coming this time. Icould do it.

“Xander, I’m good. I’m here.”

“It feels amazing, Lanie, but I don’t think you’re ready for more.” Yet as he was saying the words, my body and my hips pushed up against his. He peered at me, the heat in his eyesvery clear.

We were about to lose control of ourselves.

“Lanie,” he whispered, “you’re leaving soon. I don’t want to start something that we can’t finish. Properly.” The tiny kisses on my neck became less and less, and his fingers were no longer digging into my waist with the same intensity.

I looked at him with regret in my eyes, and he saw it. He brought his mouth to my lips and kissed me with so much devotion that his message could notbe mistaken.

“Besides, I think we still need to discuss that ‘friendship zone’ thing, don’t we?” He softly chuckled into my mouth as he said this, lightening the mood to exactly where we needed it to be. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re my best friend. But I need to get out of the ‘friend zone’ soon. Can we agree on that at least?” He held my face close while looking at me, eye to eye, nose to nose.

“Yes, we can agree on that.” I smiled against his lips, his arms going around my waist, mine going around his neck. “I’m still nervous, but I know this is where I want to be, right here with you.” His smile was infectious. I knew my life’s goal would be to make him smile like that every day.

“We’ll take it slow. Especially with what happened with Max and now your parents, I don’t think anyone else needs to know what’s going on between us.” He leaned down and placed a simple kiss on my mouth, his soft lips lingering dangerously long. “We’ll keep it between us for now. I think that’s best, too, especially until we figure out all this shit with Max.”

Reality check: we still had that to deal with.

He walked to his dresser and started packing his bag. We all had to be out by that evening, which meant he was leaving soon, too.

“I guess I should go finish packing, too,” I said.

“Wait, don’t go yet. Give me one sec.” He threw a few more things in a duffle and came back to the couch. “I wanted to ask you something.” He hesitated, which was unlike him. “So, your parents won’t be around for Christmas either, right?” I nodded, not sure where he was going with this. “Are you going to ask Becca if you can go home with her then, too?” His voice sounded upset when he asked.

“Yeah, I guess so. I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

There was a prolonged silence between us as he studied my face. But he looked away before saying hisnext words.

“You could come home with me.” And then I understood – he wanted me to come home with him for Thanksgiving as well.

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