Page 46 of All My Firsts

Becca let out an audible sigh. It looked as though this was the first time she’d breathed normally since we started sitting together.

“Becca, wewill be OK.”

Later that day, Becca and I were heading to class, and I knew I was running out of time to ask her whatI needed to.

“So, hey, I have a favor. I have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving. I was hoping I might come home with you that weekend.”

“Oh my gosh, Lanie, of course you can! My mom’ll be psyched to have you with us! But your parents, won’t they miss you? Why aren’t you going home?” One look at me and she realized the question went too far. “OK, I get it, not now.”

My heart broke. I knew I should tell her. I didn’t want the pity, the different looks I knew I would get if I told her. But I decided to give her something. Shedeserved it.

“Thanks, Becca, I appreciate it. My parents don’t actually know I’m not coming home, though. I guess I should call and tell them. We’re not that close anymore, so I don’t think it’ll surprise them all that much. But more about that another time, right?”

We grabbed our bags and started down the hall together. “So, how are you and Ty doing? All this talk about problems, I haven’t heard any good news. Did you have fun seeing his hometown and meeting his parents?”

She was quiet for a minute before talking, which was unlike her. “We had a good weekend together. I mean, a lot of the time was spent worrying about Logan, but Ty and I had some alone time.” And there was that quietness again.

“What are you not telling me, Becca?” I stopped walking, forcing her to stop as well. But she wouldn’t look at me, would look everywhere but at me. “Becca, come on, you’ve been here for me so many times. Let me be here for you.” When her eyes met mine, they were filled with unshed tears. We had made it outside our dorm, so I dragged her to a nearby bench. We sat just as she startedto crumble.

“They didn’t know about me!” She almost yelled it, so much anger coming through.

“What do you mean, Becca? Who didn’t know about you?” I wasn’t fully grasping what she wasupset about.

“Lanie, his family didn’t know about me. They had no idea I was his girlfriend. He didn’t even introduce me to them that way. As far as they know, I am just a random friend from school, nothing special.” Her tears were coming hard and fast as I leaned in and wrapped her in a hug. “He wouldn’t even touch me, hold my hand, nothing in front of them. It was like he was embarrassed of me.” Sobs racked her body.

“Oh, Becca, I’m sorry he did that to you.” I pulled her back so she could look at me. “But there has to be a reasonable explanation. That doesn’t makeany sense.”

“Well, anytime we weren’t at his house or with anyone from his family, he was normal. He would hug me, hold my hand, kiss me. All the normal stuff. But the second we stepped in that house, it was as if I had some disease or something. It was weird and it hurt. A lot.” She was wiping the tears away, trying to calm down, looking around, not wanting to make a scene.

“Did you talk to him about it, ask him why?”

“I was too nervous to hear his answer.” At that, she started crying all over again. “What if he really is embarrassed of me? Or what if he knows they won’t like me as hisgirlfriend?”

“I know you’re upset, but do you hear yourself? That’s ridiculous. You’re beautiful, intelligent, and the sweetest person I know. There’s no way any of that could be true.” But I could tell she was so upset there would be no getting through to her. “I think the only way to fix this is to talk to Ty. He needs to give you an explanation.” She settled again, and I rubbed her hands as I held them. It was heartbreaking seeing her like this.

Was this what she went through with me every time Ibroke down?

“I know, I know, but I really don’t think I want to hear his answer. But you’re right, I’ll talk to him.” She leaned back on the bench and let out a deep breath, as if it was the first time she was breathing in days. “It feels good to tell you. I was alone with all of it the whole weekend. I didn’t want to make it about me, ya know, since we were really home for Logan.” She took another deep breath while looking up to the sky, seemingly looking for the answer there.

“You see, you were thinking of everyone but yourself. You’re such a good person, Becca. They’ll see that, and they’ll love you!” My encouraging words did little to lift her spirits. Ty’s family really did a number on her.

“I guess, but there’s so much else going on. And since we got back, everything is back to normal, at least with him. But I can’t shake this feeling from the weekend – something isn’t right.” She promptly stood up, grabbing me with her. “Come on, let’s get to class. Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better. Even knowing you know is helping a lot.”

We walked arm in arm on the way to our building. There were so many things upside down in our lives. But I would have to make a point of staying on top of this with her.

“Can we meet for dinner tonight, all of us? That would be my best medicine.” She looked at me, hopeful, knowing Logan and I hadn’t spoken yet. “I’m hoping Logan will find you by then and we can try to have a meal together. Do you think Xander will be OK joining us?” Becca really wanted all of us to get along.

“I’ll ask him.” We set a time to meet later to eat and branched off at our buildings, each headed in a different direction. Hopefully Xander would find it in him to, once again, be friendswith Logan.

After class, I found my bench near the student union. I hadn’t sat on it in quite a while and decided I could use some alone time to think after everything that had happened lately. With my hot tea in hand, I sat under my favorite tree, its leaves a deep orange, many of them on the ground around me.

My first thought was Karl. Was he still here? I hadn’t seen or heard from him, but he had said I wouldn’t. I had a feeling he was gone because Max made his appearance, but I wasn’t sure that boded well for Karl.

I looked around, observing the people milling about, wondering about the couples I was seeing and how many of them had survived the semester so far.

Were there any still together?

How many were brand new?

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