Page 159 of Until Now

‘Shit, I didn’t mean—‘

I burst out laughing. So hard I cry. So hard I can barely breathe.

Dave and Greg turn to stare, but Chase doesn’t smile. His lips part slightly. He seems to catch himself; he clears his throat and steps forward.

‘Frankie, I think we should—‘

I place a hand against his chest as another wave of laughter wracks me.

‘—talk,’ he finishes.

The expression on his face has me straightening.

‘I’ve been meaning to ask about—‘ he tries again, but Greg shouts from the sofa, ‘Have you even put the pizza in yet?’

Chase and I stare at each other.

Another time, then.

???

I return to work Monday, and I forgot how much I missed Amelia until I spot her behind the desk and we run to each other and collide, throwing our arms around each other.

She doesn’t ask questions. For some reason, she knows why I had to keep my phone switched off. I’m in no mood to explain everything, either. I’m not even mad she initially contacted Chase, because if she hadn’t—if Chase didn’t come to my dad’s funeral—I’ve no idea where I would be now. Archer would probably know about the pregnancy, because no way could I have walked or driven home that night at the Grosvenor; I had to tell someone. I’m just glad Chase is back in my life, however temporary.

I want to tell her everything, but I’m not ready. I’m not ready to face everything that’s happened. I don’t think I’d be able to get a word out without crying, and I can’t do that at work. So she tells me about her week, how she took Jess to the golden retriever experience and how they both cried, and how a fashion designer reached out to Jess after seeing her Facebook page, and how much they enjoy the game I got them for Christmas, and how they’re adopting an elderly dog called Basset.

As conversation lags, disrupted by the traffic of customers checking in, Emmy turns to me, her eyes suddenly wild.

‘I wanted to tell you,’ she blurts. ‘But I didn’t want to worry you, and I didn’t know when you’d be back, anyway—‘

‘What?’

‘Archer’s been calling. Literally every day, asking for you.’

I stare at my best friend, seeing her but not taking anything in, hearing the words but not seeing her mouth move.

‘What did you tell him?’ I hear myself ask.

‘That you weren’t here, obviously. But he’s been calling the office, too, and I don’t know what they’ve told him.’

He could call today. They could tell him I’m here. He could come here. He could find me.

I glance at the clock. Chase is picking me up at nine. But what if Archer is waiting for me? What if he’s outside right now, lurking in the alley that runs beside the hotel, waiting for me to step out the doors? I should text Chase, warn him, but I don’t want to worry him anymore than I already have. I should tell the office, but I doubt they’d care.

Even in my panicked state, I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

‘Do you need me to wait with you until your lift?’ Em supplies.

Yes. I want someone beside me if he shows up. But what if he hurts her to get to me? I couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t forgive myself.

‘No. I’ll be fine.’

I watch the clock, the hands ticking slowly towards nine. It’s no longer the time Chase is collecting me but the time I’ll see Archer again. I know he’ll be here.

I don’t know where this fear comes from. I’ve endured two years of him, and never once have I felt like this. Each day used to roll into the next, habitual, just time passing. Each day I’d brace myself, spending the day solidifying my armour, reminding myself of all the appliances I placed in various points around the apartment within easy reach. I’ve never actually been scared of him.

Maybe it has something to do with this being the worst thing I’ve ever done to him. I’ve left him. Abandoned him. Ignored him. He’ll hate me for it. I wonder what else he could do to me that he hasn’t done already.

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