Page 13 of The Girl I Once Loved

I inhale, breathing in her familiar scent and it’s just another way that it feels like no time has passed.

I may have seen Daisy over the years, but it hasn't been often. We used to know everything about each other, see each other every day, and now half a year goes by between visits. We try and talk as much as we can, but if I'm honest with myself, I’d admit that I purposely have avoided her calls. Because hearing her talk about her life means I have to think about the life I’ve lost.

And I spend enough time thinking about that as it is.

I’m losing the ability to breathe, and I make a fake choking sound so she loosens her grip. Her eyes are teary, her blonde hair hanging down in waves. She's more polished now, refined. I guess years of being a millionaire's girlfriend will do that to you. I can still see it in her eyes though, those sparks of life that Daisy’s always had. The kind that I've never possessed. My sister has just grown more beautiful with time and my insides ache as we stare at each other…because I've missed her so fucking much. I've missed out on so much time with her by avoiding this place all these years.

I make another vow to myself not to waste any more time, and I promise myself I’ll make the most of the next three months with her.

"I'm so glad you're here," she cries in an emotion filled voice, shocking me when she throws her arms around me again and buries her face in my neck, her whole body racking with sobs. There weren't that many people on the ferry, but there were enough that they give us looks as they pass. As usual, Daisy could care less. She’s always possessed that confidence, that ‘I don't give a fuck’ attitude about anyone else's opinion.

After all these years, she’s still my hero, she’s still who I want to somehow be if I ever can come into myself.

It's a losing battle, but that's okay.

"I'm so glad to see you too," I murmur, feeling the exquisite thread of affection burning through my insides.

This is home.

Daisy.

Maybe this visit won't be so bad after all.

Eventually, she loops her arm through mine as we wander down the dock to the parking lot.

"Not much has changed," I comment, and she nods and stares around at everything fondly.

It’s still a strange thing, to see what love has done for my sister. She was the first person I would've thought would leave here out of anyone that I knew. I saw her exploring the whole world, lovers in every city, living the life of a wanderer. But instead, she's been with Derrick, and I've never heard her complain about that, or want anything else. She seems completely at peace with her life, and I wonder if she's ever touched by regrets.

I think if that night had never happened though, and I’d given up Dartmouth to stay here, I don't think I would've had any regrets either, not if life had continued with Noah how I thought it would.

The melancholy is so sharp in my gut that I wince and she gives me a concerned look.

I plaster a fake smile on my face and she examines me.

"My sister’s the most beautiful girl in the world," she says. I roll my eyes, because that title has always belonged to her.

After all these years, I'm finally okay with that. Daisy’s not the shadow I'm living under anymore. She’s the sun that I haven't let myself bask in. And it's taken all these years to finally realize that.

Daisy chatters about the wedding, telling me what colors she’s thinking about, which wedding planner she likes, and the dress appointment we have coming up. It all sounds dreadfully boring — and un-Daisy like — but I smile and nod, acting like I'm just as excited as she is.

"When is Gael coming?" she finally asks as she pulls out of the parking lot in her sparkling, fancy sports car that Derrick gave her as a Christmas present last year.

My insides clench and I stare determinedly out the window. I'm not sure why I'd hoped I'd have a couple more minutes to avoid that question. Gael and I have been dating for a long time, so of course she was going to ask.

"I'm not sure," I say vaguely. And it's the truth. He certainly isn't spending the summer out here. I assume he'll fly in for the wedding festivities and then leave again.

"Is everything okay with you guys?" Daisy asks carefully.

I bite down on my lip, surveying the familiarity of the town, my gaze not hovering on anything for too long, just in case I get a glimpse…a glimpse of him.

"We’re on a break," I finally whisper.

There's a moment of heavy silence. And because she's Daisy, she presses forward.

"What happened? I thought you guys were talking about moving in with each other?"

I chuckle to myself, even though nothing about the situation is funny.

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