Page 127 of I Got You

She looks like she’s getting frustrated now. “It means that someday I want to be with someone who will give me all of them. I can’t continue to give you all of me and only have you give me fragments in return.”

I start to say something, but she cuts me off.

“I’m not mad. I can’t even blame you. I know you have reasons for keeping to yourself and being guarded. I know that’s the way you want it or need it to be. And it’s really ok. I just don’t want to be like that. I want to be with someone who can’t stand not sharing everything with me, giving me all of them in return.”

I don’t know what to say. My mind is spinning along with the room around me. I feel like I need to put my head between my knees, but I fight it. “But you just said nothing is changing.”

“It’s not,” she huffs. “I’m here…with you.”

My throat constricts, cutting off my airway, and I can barely whisper my next question. “For how long?” This is the answer I fear the most. When will Maggie walk away? When will she leave me because she’s had enough?

Tears fill her eyes, and I want to punch something. “I will never leave you, but you may not be able to have all of me. It’s…it’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?” I growl.

A tear trails slowly down her cheek, and I can’t help but step into her space and push it away with my thumb. I leave my hand there, needing the connection.

“To ask you for something I don’t think you can give me.”

I take a tiny step closer, my chest heaving in and out. “What? What do you want from me?” I whisper, knowing I’d do just about anything.

Her watery blue eyes meet mine. “All of you. Every single bit. The good, the bad, your fears, your joys. I want to be the one who gets it all. The one who gets to be the holder of all the things that are you, the ones the rest of the world doesn’t get to see.”

I don’t know what to say, and when I don’t say anything, she steps away.

“You need to get going.” She sniffs, wiping her nose on her wrist.

“Maggie.” I’m desperate to give her something.

“It’s ok.” She tries to smile. “Really. I know I’m asking for something you never intended to give away.”

Fuck! Absolutely nothing is ok. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.”

She moves toward me quickly and wraps her arms around me. “I know. I know you don’t, and it’s ok.”

I feel like I’ve been sucker punched by my own fist a hundred times. I hold her tight, breathing her in. I want to stay like this, keeping her close, afraid if I let go, she’ll be gone. “I don’t want to leave.”

“Grizz, you have to. The team is waiting for you.” She tries to lighten things up and I want to scream. “Go. You can’t be late.”

“Will you be there?” I ask to confirm, feeling like I’m about to lose everything.

“Yes.”

“You promise?”

She laughs, wiping her face again. “Yes, now go.”

I step away, searching her face and her sad smile. “Will you wear my jersey?” I’m back in high school, but I don’t care. I need her there wearing my name. I need to know that she’s still mine, that I haven’t completely lost her yet.

She laughs through a tear. “Yes.”

I take another shaky step back towards the door, not wanting to take my eyes off her, afraid she’ll disappear. “I’ll see you there.”

“Ok.”

I stop in the doorway, turning to get one last look at her. My wife. My eyes sting as my throat thickens. “I want to give you everything. You know that, right?”

Tears form again in her eyes. Shit! Fuck!

---