Page 15 of Always Eros

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A strange tapping noise pulls me from sleep, and as I peel my eyes open, it takes a second to figure out where I’m at. I sit up slowly, realizing the tapping is a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

The door opens and Carina steps in, smiling, with a tray in her hand. “Morning, Justice. I brought you some tea.”

I stare at her like she’s speaking a different language. She sets the tray down, still smiling.

“In about an hour, you’ll attend the first deprogramming session,” Carina explains. “We start all our newcomers there.” She sits in a chair by the window. “It’s going to be intense for a few days. It’s okay if you feel overwhelmed or like you made a mistake leaving Nightsky, but I promise you made the right choice.”

My eyes sting with tears again.

“What’s wrong, Justice?”

“I… um…” Shaking my head, I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands. “I don’t know.”

Carina’s warm smile instantly soothes me. “You’re used to the bell and the breakfast hall.”

I nod, still sniffling.

“That’s not what life is like here. You get to design your day for the most part. We’re just here to provide support and education to help you find your way.” She points to the tray she set on the nightstand. “There’s a schedule on the tray. It’s there for you to understand how the house runs and look for volunteer opportunities to support what we do, but you’re not allowed to help the first week you’re here. You need to heal and decompress from the stress of what you’ve been through. Counseling helps with that.”

I nod. “Okay. I want to be useful.”

“You will be, but you need to take care of yourself first. I know that’s a new concept.”

“Yeah.”

Carina stands, walking over and gently squeezing my shoulder. “Just remember that you’re strong and brave and no matter how hard this is, you’ll get through it.”

“Do you eventually get over leaving your family behind?”

“No,” she answers. “But you learn how to make sense of it.”

“Okay.” I blow out a breath. “Where is counseling?”

“We’re going outside today. In the backyard. The weather is beautiful.”

I watch Carina leave, then lean back in bed and sip my tea. I remember the one time I caught a TV show when we were volunteering to clean the back lot of a senior center. It was on in a common room I passed on my way to the bathroom. I was still a kid, but I remember the man and woman sitting in bed drinking coffee and talking about work at a hospital. It was such a foreign scene seeing two people of different genders together, much less in bed, and I was mesmerized by the idea of lying in bed with a drink and a person you liked. It seemed so luxurious to me. I was pushed away and told television was demons’ work, but I never forgot it. Now here I am, in a comfy bed with a warm drink. All I need is a person I like.

Romance. The mitigating reason I finally found the nerve to flee. If I ever wanted a chance to love someone and be loved in return, I had to go. Romance is strictly forbidden in Nightsky, except for the Supreme Being, who requires love and intimate relations to survive. He feeds off sexual pleasure and the romantic feelings of both men and women, but only until we turn thirty. Then we are expired and sent to the Vessel. Well, that’s where men are sent. Women are sent to the Ceres, the place where women become mothers.

I shake my head, trying to put these thoughts out of my mind and recall the face of my savior. Eros. An angel walking amongst men. The creased card with his phone number on it sits on the nightstand. Maybe there’s a phone here and Carina will allow me to use it. I could call him and say… what? I have no clue how to talk to a normal person, much less one whose face makes my stomach do flips. He was so nice though. Maybe just a simple thank you would be enough. Because of him, I made it here safely. Because of him, I get to start a new life. The least I could do is say thank you.

After finishing my tea and dressing, I head downstairs to find the house still as quiet as it was last night. There aren’t throngs of people bustling around doing chores, no children crying or playing, no comportment classes. No offerings to the Supreme Being.

I walk through the living room to the back of the house, where there are two large sliding doors. I don’t know what a normal house should look like, but this one looks comfortable. There is art on the walls but it’s just landscapes and flowers. No spaceships or planets or enlightened beings. No subconscious messages or reminders of our chastity. It’s… strange.

Outside, there’s a group of people gathered around a tree surrounded by folding chairs. I step outside, inhaling the fresh air. Several people turn towards me and smile, and Carina gestures for me to join them. Today starts my deprogramming—the end of one life, and the beginning of a new one.

Chapter Five

EROS

It’s my shift to sit over Hale. Viv gave him some healing potion that his body is doing its best to reject, but so far, he’s held it in. Viper’s energy work seems to have calmed his mind, but it’s difficult to sit idly by while he twitches and moans in pain, seemingly reliving the attack mentally.

“He should be more coherent by morning,” Viv says from behind me as she enters the room we have set up in one of the empty units on our floor. She’s carrying a bowl and a washcloth, which she uses to wipe his brow. Whatever the liquid is made of, it’s foul smelling.

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