Page 28 of Strip Bare

“I love him,” Kit said and the words were like a balm and a blade in one. “Wherever he goes, I’ll follow. Whenever he needs me, I’ll be there. And if I’m lucky enough, he’ll let me do all of that forever.”

Too much. It was too damn much.

I pushed back from the table abruptly and nearly walked into the waitress carrying our drinks. “Restroom,” I muttered as I hurried away from the table, head spinning and mouth too dry and yet somehow filled with saliva. God, I was going to hurl.

They were the perfect words. Words that, under any other circumstances, I would have died to have heard from his lips. I wanted them to be true more than anything. But they weren’t, and the fact that he could say them so convincingly, without even blinking, made me feel worse. Did I really mean so little to him that the lie came easily?

The door to the restrooms swung open with force as I pushed my way inside to find it blissfully empty. I strode for one of the stalls, locked the door, and sat down on the closed lid, my face in my hands. My breaths were too quick and my hands trembled against my cheeks, pressing hard into my eyes like I could somehow erase the image of him sitting next to me, saying those things.

I wasn’t a violent person, but the urge to punch something was riding fierce inside me, leaving me feeling drained. How was I supposed to go out there and smile, nod, like it didn’t hurt to breathe when I wasn’t around him? That the thought of us going separate ways after Sun City didn’t fill me with an unprecedented level of terror?

I pushed out a breath and then another, trying to calm my thoughts down, trying to ignore the memories pressing in on me of the taste of Kit’s mouth and the feel of his hand in mine.

“Leo?”

I held my breath. Kit.

“Leo, I know you’re in here. Why are you hiding from me?”

“I’m not hiding,” I said through the door. “I’m… using the facilities.”

“No, you’re not.” I wasn’t. “You don’t use public restrooms.”

Fuck. Why did he have to know me so well?

I stood abruptly, that same anger washing over me in a ceaseless wave of red that made dampness gather on my lashes as I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood.

The scrape of the lock was loud and grating but I barely heard it as I charged towards him. His blue eyes were wide, concerned, and that only infuriated me more. My hands moved of their own accord, sliding into his hair as I stepped closer, our breaths joining as the heat from his lips taunted me like a threat. I set my jaw.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kit stepped back and my hands fell to my side. “With me?”

“I feel like I don’t even know you. How could you say those things to her?”

For once, Kit looked speechless. Mouth parted, eyes wide, hands limp at his side he shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would upset you so much. You know our friendship is the most important thing to me and I wouldn’t ever do anything to compromise that.”

In other words, maybe he did find me attractive. But he wouldn’t act on those feelings beyond this ruse because when all was said and done, Kit only saw me as a friend.

“You didn’t have to take it this far,” I said quietly. Not because my anger had faded, but because it had left me bone tired. “You didn’t have to make her think…” I shook my head. The jealousy, the lies, the casual touches and laughter and, god, the way he always seemed to know what was on my mind—all of it had screwed with my head. “I think it might be too late to worry about our friendship. I told you,” I said, lowering my eyes to the ground so his wouldn’t keep burning into mine. “This was a bad idea from the start.” Because I didn’t think I could go back to loving him distantly—and it was love. I could admit it freely now. I wanted more than friendship from my best friend, and that wasn’t fair to him or me.

I walked away, back out of the bathroom and to the table in a daze. My parents were chatting together as they looked over the menu and I watched them dully as I approached. We hadn’t even made it to the entrees.

I sat down opposite them and smiled when my dad asked if everything was okay. It wasn’t. It really fucking wasn’t. And tomorrow, my parents were leaving and I wasn’t sure if Kit would still be there when they did—or if I even wanted him to be.

The chair next to me slid back and Kit sat down. I avoided his eyes, instead focusing on my parents debating what to order. Tomorrow, everything would be different.

They managed to get through the remainder of the meal without much drama, but I couldn’t relax. Tension radiated out of Kit at my side and when he reached for my hand during the walk home, I pulled it back to point at something random in the distance while chatting to my parents. I had to start distancing myself. If I wanted to have any chance of getting back to some semblance of normal with Kit, then I never should have let myself get carried away. That meant no more kissing, or touching.

Or sharing the bed.

Kit was silent as I rolled up a blanket and grabbed my pillow from his bed. Our breaths filled the room and somehow it was worse than the silence, knowing the other was there and yet what was there left to say?

I rolled over again, trying to get comfortable, when he sighed.

“Jesus, Leo. Take the bed. I’ll go stay with Xander.”

I opened my mouth to respond but the bed dipped and the door shut quietly before I could get any words out. In the darkness, the scent of him wrapped around me, I was sure that love had never cut this sharp before.

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