Page 92 of Powerless

I pat her back and pull away. “Sir,” Mark says and holds open the door to The Beast.

“Thank you,” I say and wait for Lauren to slide in before I do.

Mark closes the door, and I release a stressed breath. “Thank you, Bennett,” Lauren starts.

“For what?”

“Allowing me to accompany you.”

“You’re Kathryn’s mother. Of course I want you here with me.” Lauren’s lips thin and her eyes glisten with tears. I reach for her hand and hold it in mine. “I know,” I say when she sucks in a breath and a few tears spill over her cheeks.

The ride to the church is hard. My heart is hammering and I’m doing everything I can to hold on to my emotions. There’s a dull pain behind my eyes and an ache deep in my soul from missing my Kathryn. She’s gone, and she’ll never return to me. I’ve spent my life loving her and now, she’s gone.

When the cars pull up at the church, the Secret Service agents surround us. I look to Lauren, and an unspoken agreement passes between us.

“Mark,” I say.

“Yes, sir.” He gives the okay for the door to be opened. I slide out and reach for Lauren’s arm. She huddles into me as we walk past the sea of reporters and cameras all taking our photos.

A few people offer flowers but I can’t take them. Jamie and Esther kindly walk the line to collect the well-wishes.

We walk into the church and I see her coffin ahead of us. My chin quivers as I keep my eyes on her casket. It’s tastefully decorated with so many brightly colored flowers, but inside that box is my wife. My darling wife.

Lauren’s breath hitches, and I can tell by her trembling body that she’s crying. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and draw her in close to me.

My parents are sitting in the second pew, and as we approach them, Mom steps forward and runs her hand up and down my arm. “Thanks, Mom,” I say in a shaky voice.

Her eyes are watering, but she offers me an encouraging smile. “We’re here for you, son.” Mom looks to Lauren, then steps in and hugs her. “I’m so sorry, Lauren.”

“Thank you,” Lauren manages to choke.

Lauren and I move to sit in the front pew, and soon the priest stands and begins his sermon. I blankly stare at the coffin, holding on to my emotions as a few people stand and give their eulogies.

Before I know it, I’m being called upon to give mine.

I take a deep breath and stand. With shaky hands and slow steps, I walk up to the church podium. The casket is a painful reminder of a life without my love.

I can do this. Not because I want to, but because I owe it to my wife.

I take the papers out of my suit jacket breast pocket and with shaking hands, I place them on the podium.

The words I speak over the next few moments are what is expected of the president to say. I do everything in my power to avoid losing control of my emotions while standing in front of all these people.

But finally, my voice cracks as I finish with the eulogy. I look over to Kathryn’s casket and close my eyes. “I already miss you,” I whisper.

I give it a few seconds before I lower my chin and walk back to the front pew.

The rest of the most horrendous thing I’ve ever experienced goes by in a complete blur. Before I know it, a small group of close friends and family are at the cemetery where we’re all standing around a fucking hole in the ground.

“Bennett,” Mom says and places her hand on my shoulder. I look to her and lift my chin. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I know,” I say robotically.

The casket is lowered while words of scripture are recited.

I’m numb. Completely emotionless as I stare at the wooden box. I can’t tear my eyes away from the love of my life. She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted, the only person I’ve truly loved with every part of me.

Kathryn has been my heartbeat for so long that I’m not sure my heart will ever beat again.

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