Page 239 of Merciless Desires

A voice behind us made a low growl leave the man in front of me. “Cortese.”

“What?” Matteo barked, refusing to look away from me.

“We have an update.”

Closing his eyes, Matteo exhaled slowly through his nose. When he gazed at me again, his expression had shifted entirely. “Upstairs.”

“What?”

“Now, Marcella.”

His hands were off me in an instant, and it felt like I had been burned. He turned away, and peered at me over his shoulder, annoyed that I was still standing right where he had left me a few seconds ago.

I was guided out of Matteo’s office and back to my room, and I wasn’t surprised when I heard the door lock behind me.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the door opened and Silvia stepped in wearing a frown. She carried a tray toward the bed and took a seat, resting the tray on her lap.

“Cara…” She sighed. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t look up from the plate of penne à la vodka that was next to a tall glass filled with cremosa. “I’m okay, Silvia.”

“I did not want this for you.”

I peered up at her. “It doesn’t work like that.”

Her frown deepened. “I wanted more for you, cara.”

This was more. Right? Matteo could give me more, or at least I hoped he could.

Silvia had refused to leave my room until I ate every single piece of penne off my plate. She had fixed me with a wink and left, and I was once again alone.

Being alone wasn’t entirely familiar to me. With two younger sisters who were always in my business, wanting to be exactly where I was, I was rarely alone.

When Mamma first became ill, Annabella hadn’t left my side. She had even followed me into the bathroom, afraid that I was going to collapse like Mamma had in the foyer that winter day.

I should have enjoyed being alone. Having time for myself. Being able to do whatever the hell I wanted.

But in reality…I hated it.

My heart ached for my family, for someone to follow me around and whip a million questions my way at top speed. I wanted to be pestered by Annabella, to argue with Gisella, and to talk with Mamma. I still didn’t want to be around Papà, but I would have preferred his company than solely my own.

I was the worst company to keep. Matteo would learn soon enough that I couldn’t stand to be around myself, so he wouldn’t enjoy it either. There was nothing to me. I was what my papà had told me to be. Whatever personality I had was merely fabricated, shaped to be what was needed to be a wife.

I could cook and clean and raise children. I never spoke out of turn, and I was knowledgeable in just enough to hold a conversation with my soon-to-be husband about a variety of topics.

That was my role as the eldest daughter. I had taken over when Mamma could no longer, and I had been a child myself when I had the responsibility of two more.

My own thoughts made me groan. I was too busy internalizing everything that I was certain I had washed my hair twice. I moved on to conditioner, letting it sit in my hair as I lathered lemon body wash against my skin, rinsing it and then the conditioner.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I wasn’t finished with my hair yet, having fully embraced my high-maintenance waves. I spent the next fifteen minutes practically upside-down as I added curl cream and mousse and diffused until my hair was semi-dry.

When I straightened, I wobbled slightly and gripped the counter. I leaned forward to unplug my hairdryer, and as I glanced in the mirror, I was met with a cold, hardened gaze that wasn’t my own.

I screamed and spun, whipping my hairdryer at the man behind me. At Matteo.

He caught it like it was the easiest thing to catch. “Going to need to work on your self-defense skills, amorina.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” I adjusted my towel, hoping I hadn’t completely flashed him at any point.

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