Page 31 of A Lesson In Beginning

“Adah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. And now I’ve gone and ruined whatever magical dessert that would have been.” He finished the bite of his treat and brushed his hands off before rushing over to help me clean up the mess I had made.

“It’s alright. I can clean this up and start over.” Kneeling down on the floor, I reached for the mess, hoping to get it picked up first and tossed into the trash can before wiping the floor down. Only, when I reached forward, he did the same, both of us leaning forward, our foreheads colliding with an audible thud that left my head spinning.

“Oh, fuck!” Both of us leaned back, rubbing at our foreheads. “I’m making a mess of this.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the one who made the mess.” I giggled lightly, still wincing slightly post-collision.

“You’re a funny one, Adah Price.” I looked up at his words, his eyes twinkling beneath the reddening mark on his forehead. My heart responded to that smirk as it always seemed to do, flip-flopping around and making me feel all out of sorts. Somehow, it was a feeling I was growing to like.

We worked in tandem for a time, cleaning up the mess I had made. Each time his hand brushed mine, which happened more than once, tingles ran up my arm from fingertip to elbow, fluttering just beneath the surface of my skin.

“Where is Trixie?” His voice pulled my eyes up to him as he loomed over me, standing while I finished wiping the last of the dusted flour from the floor. On my knees, I reached up to set the dirty rag on the countertop before resting my hands on my thighs for only a moment.

“She’s on her —” But my words halted at the tip of my tongue as my eyes found his. Standing there above my kneeling form, there was a fire in his eyes that I had only seen one other time: when I had witnessed Ruth lower to her knees before Levi in the kitchen that night as I spied on them from the shadows. I had been disgusted at the display, finding the very act so utterly degrading and deplorable it turned my stomach sour.

My stomach turned this time, too, but in a completely, almost overwhelmingly different way. Excitement rushed through me, shooting a thrill throughout my body that held my breath captive and had my heart battering against the confines of my ribcage.

I just barely registered the way his eyes ran over me, or the way his chest moved more rapidly, his breaths growing quicker; no, not even the way his hands clenched at his side fully clicked in my mind. All my thoughts were centered on the way his tongue slipped from his mouth, wetting his full lower lip in a slow, sensual way that should have repulsed me, should have made me turn away at his shockingly forward behavior. The old Adah would have turned away. The old Adah would have run straight to Levi and told him of such deplorable and indecorous behaviors.

But the old Adah wasn’t here.

No, the new Adah was fully present — and fully aware of just how much that look made my thighs clench and my panties grow wet. I didn’t have the brain capacity to even be chagrined at the outlandish truth. Instead, as he offered me his hand, I took it and let him help me to my feet. I was just coherent enough to catch the groan he made just before helping me rise.

“Oh goodie! My favorite magical unicorns!” Trixie’s exuberant, slightly more child-like voice sounded from the doorway, breaking the connection that seemed to stretch between Joel and me like crackling electricity. I quickly swiped my hand away, rubbing it against the skirt of my dress, and instantly noticed the clammy feel of my palm, much to my embarrassment. I didn’t miss the way Joel immediately jumped away from me as well, as though he had been caught doing something untoward, though for the life of me I couldn’t understand why he should feel that way.

“I’m so glad you two lovelies are here! I just finished my break, and Daddy says I need to work extra hard and remember that not everything is about me. But that’s crazy, because obviously everything IS about me! But still, I want to make Daddy happy, so, Adah, why don’t you head out on your break? I’ve got this here. Actually, why don’t you take an extra long break? It’ll make Daddy happy that I’m doing something extra nice!” I could tell she was only joking, but the audacity of her words still pulled an involuntary laugh from me.

“I don’t think the point of the exercise is to do something for attention, Trixie, but to do something out of true kindness.” Joel chuckled, one singular brow arching as he looked down at her with gentle reproach.

“Well, I don’t know about all that, and as far as I can see, I’m obeying Daddy perfectly, so…” She stuck her tongue out at him, her arms crossed in the perfect picture of petulant childishness. Joel simply chuckled and shook his head at her yet again before turning to me. Hands in his pockets awkwardly, he rocked back on his heels as he spoke.

“So, what do you say? Feel like taking a break with me?” There was something about that look on his face, something just slightly nervous that spoke of boyish charm, and I found myself simply unable to say no. Granted, I didn’t quite trust my voice just yet either, so I simply nodded my head and began putting the baking supplies away.

“I’ll get to baking when I return, Trixie.” I managed to get out. It seemed my vocal chords did work, at least as long as I wasn’t looking directly at Joel.

“We have a ton of food still, Adah. Though, your baked goodies seem to go first and go fast! So, who am I to stop you?” She danced and twirled her way over to the sink, shoving her sheer sleeves up past her elbows and starting on the few dishes that remained.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?” I double checked, nerves settling in my belly as Joel waited for me. But unlike previous times, he did not wait for me by the back door of the kitchen, but rather by the door that led out onto the floor.

“Um, is everything okay?” I gestured back towards the door where we typically left. It was the easiest route to the rooftop garden where we had spent a fair few breaks over the last few weeks.

“I wanted to see if maybe you’d feel up to trying to go out on the club floor again. I know it was really jarring for you the first time, and I want to make space and respect your boundaries, if it’s still a boundary for you. I also wanted to let you know that if you’ve changed your mind, or if you’re curious about going out again — maybe this time without your family, I’d be willing to show you around.” He brushed his fingers through his hair. I don’t think he’d ever left it down before, not around me at the very least.

“Oh, um…” I stalled, not knowing what to say or how I even felt about such a thing.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by asking. I was just thinking about it the other day, and realized that perhaps part of the issue was being surrounded by your family when you first experienced the kink world, especially in a club setting. That surely didn’t make it any less awkward or overwhelming. And I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other a bit recently, so I wanted to let you know that I’d be happy to show you around, you know, if you wanted me to.” With jumbling and tumbling words, he managed to get out his intentions, and I could not hold back a grin at the way his cheeks heated with the faintest blush.

I thought about it for a moment, realizing that his words had merit and perhaps things would be different now. Perhaps. But perhaps not.

“I’m not opposed to the idea, Joel, but I am not sure I’m ready. What I saw that night was very difficult for me, for… well, for reasons that I’m not entirely ready to divulge.”

“I promise you, we can leave at any time. Can I ask what you saw that bothered you so much?” He led me over to the table in the corner, our voices hushed as we spoke privately. I appreciated his candor and his dedication to my privacy over such intimate subjects.

“It was — oh, what was it that Ruth called it? — Oh! It was a service scene. There was something so… degrading about it. It was as though he had wiped her self-worth clean away, making her serve him and…” I trailed off, nervously nibbling at my lower lip as I realized just how close I was to spilling out my personal, private feelings to a near stranger. Well, Joel wasn’t a stranger, but one did not simply spill such feelings around without taking heed.

“And?” He prompted me gently, and as much as I wanted to deny him the truth of my innermost concerns, I found it hard to deny him.

“And it was too close to the life I lived prior to coming to Portland.” I could not meet his gaze; it was impossible. I felt the size of a mouse under his careful eye, knowing he could see right through my defenses. It was unnerving. It was impossibly uncomfortable. Yet, I could not deny him the truth.

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